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The Secret Trick to Improve Your Social Connections | Kasley Killam | How to Be a Better Human | TED

How often do you connect with different people each week? How many many close relationships do you aim to cultivate during those connections? And how long do these interactions last? Kasley Killam has the perfect guide to help you build better social connections – the 5-3-1 Rule. Kasley is a social scientist and the author…

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How often do you connect with different people each week? How many many close relationships do you aim to cultivate during those connections? And how long do these interactions last? Kasley Killam has the perfect guide to help you build better social connections – the 5-3-1 Rule. Kasley is a social scientist and the author of The Art of Science and Connection. Kasley joins Chris to discuss the future of social connection – why do we invest in physical health but not social health? And what happens when you substitute companionship for AI chatbots? Kasley shares tips on how to connect with your community and rethink social norms on technology.

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Host: Chris Duffy (Instagram: @chrisiduffy | chrisduffycomedy.com)
Guest: Kasley Killam (Instagram: @kasleykillam | LinkedIn: @kasleykillam | Website: )

Links
Social Health with Kasley Killam Substack
TED Talk: Why social health is key to happiness and longevity
The Art of Science and Connection (Book)

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39 Comments

39 Comments

  1. @hermant3593

    October 8, 2025 at 12:49 pm

    The message is really sweet and uplifting! I’ve tried to live this out: reaching out to friends when I think of them, joining community groups. Unfortunately I haven’t had success and it has me feeling frustrated and even lonelier than before.

    • @Nature-Friend25

      October 8, 2025 at 8:21 pm

      Try different places and meeting strangers in a park or library and enjoy some small talk. I find interacting with strangers often is more enjoyable then with people I know. Most people will engage in conversation even if its only for a few minutes. It is much healthier than being alone everyday.

    • @thlui

      October 8, 2025 at 8:36 pm

      Hang in there

    • @carsonhunt4642

      October 8, 2025 at 9:30 pm

      @@Nature-Friend25 hard to forge friendships as an adult, everyone’s first questions are of judgement, not friendship, as they want something to gain.

      As for OP, the counter-intuitive part of being the one having to do so ironically pushes them away ; ie it can come across as being needy unfortunately , in the west everyone is cursed by having to play a fake persona / politics. Ppl in the west always tend to have ulterior motives as they are rarely honest , just polite on a shallow level.

  2. @MDTALKIES

    October 8, 2025 at 12:57 pm

    Great video 🎉🎉🎉

  3. @Harryam3

    October 8, 2025 at 1:15 pm

    i just think i dont have much time to interact with people , a lot of people wanna interact with me but I don’t have time after work. I dont have time to call anyone I dont have time to talk to people . I just need time to interact. I have a phobia that If i don’t give time to improve myself everyday then I would be left behind.

  4. @MrLoobu

    October 8, 2025 at 1:22 pm

    Divided and conquered.

  5. @AnnieB-v8j

    October 8, 2025 at 1:27 pm

    Childhood trauma must be a huge factor in these statistics of loneliness and isolation. The 20% number overlays perfectly. School curricula could be employed to address this on some levels, teaching connecting skills and resilience, as well as feedback and conflict resolution. Not all families are qualified to raise kids to healthy adulthood.

  6. @mjmobile

    October 8, 2025 at 2:23 pm

    Nothing can replace genuine human connection. The problem is that people got less interesting with rise of technology. Hence the famous saying alone-together. It seems most human interactions became purely transactional, and in knowledge era we get bored and tired of others quickly. True love and friendship are a thing, but most people don’t realize what that really entails.

    • @Hexicka

      October 8, 2025 at 5:19 pm

      Transactional relationships = Capitalism.

    • @carsonhunt4642

      October 8, 2025 at 9:27 pm

      @@Hexicka yes, it’s also a symptom of having little to no community connection as well. True friendships are only forged during innocence (childhood). Friendships as adults are mutual , means to an end , transactional only , due to competition factor now matters. When you’re 7 there’s none of that , or fake politics at hand. And now we have no communities , most ppl I know all moved growing up as parents moved for jobs/work etc.

  7. @homewall744

    October 8, 2025 at 3:13 pm

    We need to stop this longevity idea. Live and let live and then die. Trying to live forever is a crime if you receive any money from government.

    • @Hexicka

      October 8, 2025 at 5:54 pm

      😂🤣 what an idiot!

  8. @_thomas.31

    October 8, 2025 at 3:24 pm

    Thanks, that was great ! I’d appreciate it if you could mention the studies you share in the description, that might be interesting.

  9. @TheBestLifeMindsetWithShelly

    October 8, 2025 at 4:09 pm

    This is such an important conversation. We talk so much about physical and mental health, yet forget that social health is just as vital to our wellbeing. I love the 5-3-1 Rule-it makes connection intentional instead of accidental. Real relationships are the foundation of a fulfilled, meaningful life. 💖

    • @--AnonymousUser--

      October 8, 2025 at 4:54 pm

      There is no such thing as “social health”. It’s basically mental health that benefits from interacting with people.

    • @TheBestLifeMindsetWithShelly

      October 9, 2025 at 12:25 pm

      ​@@–AnonymousUser– That’s a fair point-social health definitely overlaps with mental health. I just see it as one of the ways we support our minds: meaningful connection keeps us grounded, resilient, and emotionally well. 💖

  10. @--AnonymousUser--

    October 8, 2025 at 4:51 pm

    Does “5 different people each week” mean 5 new people each week?

  11. @Hexicka

    October 8, 2025 at 5:24 pm

    The lifestyle you are describing (work first, relationships last) is what pretty much describes the way of life in US, a common cause of friction in interactions with people from other countries, where it is the opposite. We need to change our priorities. He who wins the most toys dies alone (and first)

  12. @TheThagenesis

    October 8, 2025 at 5:41 pm

    the “it takes effort to cancel it” argument falls apart when ppl don’t cancel appointments anymore but just don’t show up

  13. @AveryDuval-k5h

    October 8, 2025 at 7:50 pm

    Forget hype coins — Belvarium Network is all about long-term fundamentals.

  14. @WeldonQuirk

    October 8, 2025 at 7:50 pm

    There’s a clear demand for projects like Belvarium Token that actually solve real problems.

  15. @JanniePaulson

    October 8, 2025 at 7:50 pm

    This isn’t your average low-cap play. Belvarium Network is built to scale and dominate.

  16. @CarrieGeyer-i9n

    October 8, 2025 at 7:50 pm

    The Belvarium ecosystem is still in its infancy — get in early or get left behind.

  17. @PerihanTolentino

    October 8, 2025 at 7:50 pm

    Want a project with actual utility and hype potential? Belvarium BLV checks all the boxes.

  18. @RestauranTruitt

    October 8, 2025 at 7:50 pm

    Belvarium Network feels like one of those low-key projects that just explode out of nowhere.

  19. @SomaiyaHollingsworth

    October 8, 2025 at 7:51 pm

    $BLV Belvarium could easily sneak into top 200 if the team delivers like they plan to.

  20. @JenniferBattles-m7j

    October 8, 2025 at 7:51 pm

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  21. @MarlinBaltzley

    October 8, 2025 at 7:52 pm

    The Belvarium ecosystem is still in its infancy — get in early or get left behind.

  22. @Nature-Friend25

    October 8, 2025 at 8:36 pm

    Having a society that tells us that independence is strength and needing others is a weakness, its no wonder we are often uncomfortable reaching out to others even just for a cup of coffee and a conversation when its because we feel lonely. That’s when we have to just get outside and interact, whether its admiring the singing birds in the tree near by or talking to the other person sitting on the bench complimenting about the beautiful day. It doesn’t have to be personal, it just has to be a way for you to engage with real things or people in the moment. It all works the same way, IMO.

  23. @schadzka1

    October 8, 2025 at 8:51 pm

    thse were all godd times

  24. @todaycountsshow

    October 8, 2025 at 9:09 pm

    Building real connections strengthens our hearts, minds, and lives

  25. @radityamulyawan4069

    October 8, 2025 at 9:26 pm

    “Islam has taught this. That maintaining relationships can prolong one’s life.”

    In Hadith from Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim, Anas ibn Malik narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said that whoever wishes for their sustenance to be expanded and age extended should be kind to their near relatives.

  26. @jotighe2

    October 8, 2025 at 10:52 pm

    another book promo…

  27. @ParkourChildhood

    October 9, 2025 at 4:14 am

    CLICK BAIT – this was the benefits of having a social life in no way does it comment on how to get those connections in the first place.

  28. @mariusbaur6765

    October 9, 2025 at 6:43 am

    Especially the “friction” part is so important to know! Thanks for sharing these insights!

  29. @joja9413

    October 9, 2025 at 9:46 am

    It’s all same bullshit like “listen to others, ask questions” but won’t work on long term, because I’m not gonna spend my entire life with asking questions from people who are never gonna do the same for me

  30. @lifemotivation6789

    October 9, 2025 at 10:28 am

    This message is such a powerful reminder 🌍💔 — in a world more connected than ever, so many people still feel completely alone. Real connection isn’t just about messages or likes; it’s about genuine presence, empathy, and care. Check on your friends. Call your family. Talk to your neighbors. Human connection isn’t optional — it’s essential for a healthy, meaningful life.

  31. @LordIstar

    October 9, 2025 at 7:07 pm

    This was excellent and enlightening! Can’t wait to apply it!

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What to Do When You’re Told There’s Nothing Left to Try | David Fajgenbaum, Kiah Williams | TED

What do you do when the world declares something impossible? When physician-scientist David Fajgenbaum was dying from a rare disease and social entrepreneur Kiah Williams was confronting the realities of economic hardship, they began asking a different question: What can I do today? In this conversation, they discuss how turning hope into action can drive…

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What do you do when the world declares something impossible? When physician-scientist David Fajgenbaum was dying from a rare disease and social entrepreneur Kiah Williams was confronting the realities of economic hardship, they began asking a different question: What can I do today? In this conversation, they discuss how turning hope into action can drive meaningful change — one step at a time. (This conversation is hosted by The Audacious Project’s Alexandra Tillmann) (Recorded at TEDNext 2025 on November 10, 2025.)

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