People & Blogs
How to Raise Kids Who Can Handle Hard Things | Kathryn Hecht | TED
Could exposing kids to their fears help them thrive later on in life? Exploring the science of exposure therapy, pediatric psychologist Kathryn Hecht shows how encouraging children to handle discomfort builds confidence and resilience. (Recorded at TEDxMinneapolis on August 13, 2025) Join us in person at a TED conference: Become a TED Member to support…
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@heybenothy
February 23, 2026 at 11:02 am
Hey I was the first like on the video haha
@user-ro7om1pw3c
February 23, 2026 at 11:36 am
grrrrr
@shitclipchronicles8964
February 23, 2026 at 11:04 am
2nd here. 😉
@dieeiminor
February 23, 2026 at 12:00 pm
U still alive bro
@freshundies
February 23, 2026 at 12:03 pm
@dieeiminor lol he can now have a ted talk about how he got second.
@udoyxyz
February 23, 2026 at 11:10 am
what the what????
@JahnviGupta-f4v
February 23, 2026 at 11:41 am
4th here
@tyrekewilliamsstaglon2161
February 23, 2026 at 11:46 am
she licked the shoe and I decided to stay 😭😭😭 — wtf ma’am??
@heybenothy
February 23, 2026 at 12:01 pm
Hahaha
@darioadrianz
February 23, 2026 at 2:01 pm
omg loved this 😭
@MrRoberthafetz
February 23, 2026 at 3:23 pm
One word is the answer to this video. Encouragement tell your child you believe in him when he is struggling
@normachamique1705
February 23, 2026 at 3:56 pm
Tough crowd. I found her funny
@srlharris
February 23, 2026 at 7:58 pm
I’m sure the Minnesota crowd was amused and offered faint smiles from their seats.
@kclmnop4372
February 25, 2026 at 8:13 pm
Enough to laugh out loud?
@mando8222
February 23, 2026 at 6:29 pm
Somebody out there kind of enough to post the main bullet points???
@julianblk
February 23, 2026 at 8:18 pm
The main points of the talk by pediatric psychologist Kathryn Hecht about using principles of exposure therapy to encourage children to handle discomfort and build confidence and resilience are:
• Discomfort is the first essential step to creating confident kids. As a pediatric anxiety and OCD expert, Hecht works as a “professional bravery coach” by making kids uncomfortable in controlled ways (1:30 – 2:10).
• “Parenting for comfort” is a deeply flawed approach. This common parenting trend, also called “accommodation” in the anxiety treatment world, seeks to eliminate pain or mistakes from childhood. However, it places an incredible burden on parents, teaches kids that hard feelings are an emergency, and ultimately does not work (5:56 – 7:50).
• Instead of parenting for comfort, we need to be “parenting for confidence.” The goal is not to get rid of anxiety or distress, but to build “handleability”—a deep belief that “I can handle it.” This is the core of exposure therapy and the key to raising thriving kids who can experience hard feelings and still say, “I can do this” (7:54 – 8:31).
• The recipe for confidence is: Anxiety + Bravery = Confidence (ABC). Anxiety is a core ingredient, as bravery only rewires the brain when fear is present. Kids don’t become confident handling hard things without actually handling hard things (9:03 – 9:33).
• Parents can change child anxiety by changing their own behavior. By prioritizing confidence through practice, parents can make it more likely that kids will take brave actions (10:13 – 10:35).
• Parenting for confidence involves three key steps:
• Creating opportunities for anxiety through adventure: This means resuming normal activities and not avoiding situations that might trigger discomfort (10:41 – 11:04).
• Being the bravery you wish to see in your child: Parents should model brave behavior, showing their kids that the “water’s fine” by doing the scary thing themselves (11:06 – 11:22).
• Celebrating confidence-building actions: Brave steps should be cheered for and rewarded to reinforce the effort (11:27 – 11:54).
• Parenting for confidence requires bravery from parents. Watching a child struggle is emotionally difficult, but parents must place a “bet on our child’s ability to cope.” Adults can transfer their confidence to kids by standing their ground, remaining calm, and being a “warm, steady anchor” or “lap bar on the roller coaster of distress” (12:01 – 13:17).
• Confidence comes from practice, not praise or protection. Allowing kids to struggle (not suffer) by practicing being scared and doing it anyway leads to confidence. Bravery is contagious, lighting the way for others and enabling children to ask, “What else am I capable of?” (13:31 – 14:11).
• Parenting for confidence is a legacy. It creates brave kids who are equipped to solve the hard, complicated problems of the world because they can say, “This is hard, but I can handle it” (14:57 – 15:05).
@chaimasala3
February 23, 2026 at 6:42 pm
Curious >> confident
@CaseysTravels
February 23, 2026 at 7:13 pm
Anxiety + bravery = confidence
Love this ❤️
@amyfrancis9423
February 23, 2026 at 8:44 pm
This TED talk was very interesting, funny, honest and inspiring. What pediatric psychologist Kathryn Hecht says is exactly what another psychologist, Dr. Becky says about how we have become scared of our kids’ emotions, so we give in. Dr. Becky also says, “We’re not optimizing for short-term comfort but for long-term resilience.” I think Kathryn Hecht is saying the same things and it really makes sense. Now, someone help me figure out how to make my mistake of staying upstairs when my almost (gulp) twelve year old goes to bed every night change. For context, my bedroom and her bedroom are right next to each other (they are railroad rooms but that is another story!).
@kclmnop4372
February 25, 2026 at 8:24 pm
I mean, like both the people you quoted said… You’re not doing yourself, or her any favors by doing that..
Why can’t you go downstairs?
@GezBrown-b9c
February 23, 2026 at 10:25 pm
Amazing! & so true 😭😭
@FactsbyBittu
February 23, 2026 at 11:44 pm
Anxiety plus bravery is equal to confidence
@nikkibee9309
February 24, 2026 at 12:13 am
Comfort with discomfort. Love that!
@gingerdent
February 24, 2026 at 12:26 am
Such a powerful and touching ending!
@Think-s9k
February 24, 2026 at 2:28 am
Interesting topic
@TheJNF
February 24, 2026 at 3:37 am
Excellent talk! So well articulated and absolutely purposeful. JazakAllah Kathryn.
@ИльяБелозеров-ю3в
February 24, 2026 at 5:20 am
Our expectations are our problems! So amazing performance
@teenababu8322
February 24, 2026 at 6:30 am
Omg it’s funny ..but how could do that one 😅
@HandsAndFeetAreAllAlike
February 24, 2026 at 12:56 pm
I have an adult sibling that could use this advice
@morkeljakeson9438
February 24, 2026 at 1:23 pm
What an idiot. Getting sick does not make your immune system stronger; it taxes your body
@Sareaesque
February 25, 2026 at 6:38 am
but your immune system adapts to recognise the pathogens so next time your body encounters them your immune response is faster and more efficient.
@MsLoperK
February 25, 2026 at 1:07 pm
I’m certain you missed the point.
@morkeljakeson9438
February 25, 2026 at 4:18 pm
@MsLoperK the act of licking her shoe was not necessary to make her point about anti-fragility and it was based on a misunderstanding of how immune systems work.
@Jacob99174
February 24, 2026 at 3:10 pm
Can we just get to the content?
Jeez
8:00
@frankgarcia3573
February 24, 2026 at 4:04 pm
I do not see this in most countries but very frequently in the “developed world”, but why? Will the next generation survive WW3?
@danielweis5501
February 25, 2026 at 1:10 pm
In a nutshell, Why children need fathers
@thelifestorian
February 25, 2026 at 1:32 pm
Love this. I tell my kids “do it scared.”
@uspropbroker
February 25, 2026 at 1:45 pm
these arent the kids of the Learing Center
@waltercruz7795
February 25, 2026 at 3:14 pm
Naaah I left after the first minute. Licking something nasty doesn’t prove anything yet these folks cheering like she solved cancer 😂
@Xennial_Crisis
February 25, 2026 at 3:50 pm
Great talk! The crowd was definitely not on the same wavelength for whatever reason
@fureyhiggins3289
February 25, 2026 at 5:25 pm
I teared up at the ending . Brilliant
@Joelleong
February 25, 2026 at 6:34 pm
Insecure parents often lead to insecure parenting styles , resulting in insecure kids
@vergersdusanois
February 25, 2026 at 6:49 pm
I was waiting for something I didnt know yet. Waste of 16 minutes