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Why You Feel Anxious Socializing (and What to Do about It) | Fallon Goodman | TED

In crowds, at parties, meetings, get-togethers with friends, everyday interactions: social anxiety can show up as an unwelcome guest at any time. But why? Psychologist Fallon Goodman digs into the source of social anxiety, setting the record straight about this common condition with practical solutions to help you feel the most authentically “you” while out…

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In crowds, at parties, meetings, get-togethers with friends, everyday interactions: social anxiety can show up as an unwelcome guest at any time. But why? Psychologist Fallon Goodman digs into the source of social anxiety, setting the record straight about this common condition with practical solutions to help you feel the most authentically “you” while out and about.

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51 Comments

51 Comments

  1. Lakesha Gadson

    December 8, 2022 at 1:12 pm

    there all kinds of diagnosis and it sounds like one or a mental illness

  2. Ngọc Thạch Trương

    December 8, 2022 at 1:59 pm

    08/12/2022

  3. James Vaughn

    December 8, 2022 at 2:02 pm

    I’ve never been in a social situation where I felt I truly belonged. Even within my family I feel like an outside observer more than a member.

    • Debbie

      December 8, 2022 at 3:50 pm

      Same 😞

    • John Reid

      December 8, 2022 at 5:29 pm

      Most people are like this.. in moments at least

    • RemovePutin

      December 9, 2022 at 1:33 am

      That would be generalized social anxiety. I get that 100%. No place with people is “safe”, and anxiety worsens around people who we see the most often (because the more time someone has spent around us, the more they have adjusted to viewing us as awkward anxious people who they want to avoid). For us generalized SA folks, social anxiety is a self-fulfilling prophesy. It can’t be improved by “going out and being socially courageous, expecting rejection and being emboldened by knowing we’re doing what we believe in”, as the presenter suggested. In fact, that makes it WORSE, because the negative experiences that inevitably result from those “courageous” outings give us yet another proof of why we should be anxious and avoid people.
      The solution is a proper therapy program which is tailored to severe SA, created by a therapist who had severe generalized SA themselves. It’s a unique disorder in that it can’t be understood or effectively treated by someone who doesn’t truly understand it…

    • James Vaughn

      December 9, 2022 at 3:08 am

      @RemovePutin I may be on the spectrum; unconfirmed. I struggle to comprehend social cues.
      I’ve gotten better with casual interactions. The anxiety kicks in when I consider closer friendships or, worse, romantic interests. I get caught up in expectations that I kinda prefer rejection, or just talk myself out of it.

    • JM Sunday

      December 9, 2022 at 8:25 pm

      This hits me deep

  4. Nitesh Khanal

    December 8, 2022 at 2:46 pm

    I have social anxiety
    I didn’t know it till now

  5. M 500

    December 8, 2022 at 2:48 pm

    why do you people think that you have to tell us you doing better with socializing or it’s generally better not to feel anxious about it. It’s everything matter of attitude and time. There is nothing wrong with feeling anxious about socializing. Be more humble and true to yourself and anxiousness will disappear. We are all same humans with a lot of differences but still the same ashes.

  6. Takluvai Saitama

    December 8, 2022 at 3:04 pm

    It’s clear you shy

  7. PUMPDUP

    December 8, 2022 at 3:13 pm

    Totally would

  8. Evan Li

    December 8, 2022 at 3:19 pm

    I agree so much with osaka, public speaking with a script is so much easier because I am totally prepared for it and very excited. But just talking to a few people after going off stage is nerve racking cos you don’t know what they would say and what to respond

    • Mohamed Kourdoghli

      December 8, 2022 at 3:50 pm

      I agree

    • noles

      December 8, 2022 at 4:48 pm

      See I have the exact opposite problem, bouncing off of someone in a very topical conversation like that is fine for me, but as soon as I have to make formal speeches I fumble my words and feel like I’m just a monotone robot, and it turns into a feedback loop of not being able to focus

  9. glamdrag

    December 8, 2022 at 3:24 pm

    thumbs down for the nike comment

  10. FTLNewsFeed

    December 8, 2022 at 4:01 pm

    I severely lessoned my social anxiety by accepting those things about me that caused my fear of rejection. I did that by interacting with my critical internal voice differently. Before I would run away from it or try to suppress it, but I realized (with some help) that it was in its own messed up way trying to help me. By acknowledging that it was valid and that it had a place at my internal table of voices it then knew that it did not need to speak because I always had its’ best interests at heart. Since then it has largely been silent when I look in the mirror and by extension going out and being in social situations has largely been anxiety free — not zero, but very manageable.

  11. Florida Man

    December 8, 2022 at 4:10 pm

    she’s cute

  12. pavelow235

    December 8, 2022 at 6:00 pm

    22 million subscribers and 70 comments…..😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

  13. Shloomy Shloms

    December 8, 2022 at 6:33 pm

    I avoid being noticed and being Around other people because most people are steaming piles of problems and emotional/mental baggage. drains on my existence. albatrosses around my neck.

  14. mr. Zed

    December 8, 2022 at 6:34 pm

    This is one of the most well put ted talks I’ve come across recently. social anxiety should be more and more addressed.

  15. aFan

    December 8, 2022 at 8:07 pm

    Social
    Anxiety
    Disorder
    SAD people. 🤔

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    December 8, 2022 at 9:23 pm

    Most rich people stay rich by spending like the poor that’s a secret they keep among themselves and they kept on investing without stopping while some poor people stay poor by spending like the rich yet not investing like the rich but impressing them..

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      Sir Bruce is active with this +𝟏𝟕𝟕𝟎𝟖𝟎𝟗𝟖𝟗𝟕𝟎 currently..

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      December 9, 2022 at 1:42 pm

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    I’m so happy I made productive decisions about my finances that changed my life forever. I’m a single mother living in Frankfurt Germany, bought my second house in September and hoping to retire next year at 50 if things keep going smoothly for me.,,

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      December 9, 2022 at 12:20 am

      <,

    • Ava Charlotte

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    • Richard Newton

      December 9, 2022 at 12:37 am

      i watched her on fox she was amazing…..i am definitely writing her , i cant miss out on this opportunity……

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      December 9, 2022 at 12:46 am

      I came across the comments about Mrs catherine nathan and I must say she is a genius. I have made huge profits from my investments with her. and her trading strategies are top notch coupled with the efforts she puts in work to make profits.

  18. David Boson

    December 9, 2022 at 1:03 am

    ive accepted that im a fringe dweller, to the point where i no longer am willing to be what others demand of me to fit in.

  19. TychoKingdom

    December 9, 2022 at 1:57 am

    If you switch embarrassment with rejection is is still social anxiety. I hate feeling embarrassed. All I know is I don’t like talking to people I just want to be able to do it without the negative side effects. So I can be comfortable at work and not feel like I need to quit or have a breakdown because people keep asking me questions.

  20. Kaur Singh I

    December 9, 2022 at 2:04 am

    Surprisingly, facing my fear, doing what I feared took my fear away and made me confident.

  21. Stevie-Ray

    December 9, 2022 at 5:58 am

    Thank you, so well said!

    • 𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕤𝔸𝕡𝕡+①⑤①⑤⑤①④⑥⑧④③

      December 9, 2022 at 11:42 am

      👆👆👆❣️

  22. Bear

    December 9, 2022 at 6:54 pm

    This topic is backwards.

  23. L

    December 9, 2022 at 10:13 pm

    Social anxiety is much more than just fear of rejection. This is a very simplified perspective.

  24. TS

    December 10, 2022 at 12:33 am

    1:13 That’s the norm in Japanese society xD. Goes to show how stressful it must be to grow up and live in Japan; nails that stick out get hammered down.

  25. Cameron Bass

    December 10, 2022 at 8:58 am

    Change your habits and routines
    – Limit phone usage (Start by reducing to half)
    – Interact w/strangers on a regular basis (Aim for three a day)
    – Don’t overstimulate (Let go, don’t try)
    – Look good, feel good (Helps w/confidence)
    – Isolation is the dream killer (Don’t be a recluse)
    – There is no magic pill (Process of elimination)

    “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” – FDR

  26. Coding

    December 10, 2022 at 2:10 pm

    The 2nd question starts to get answered at 11:32

  27. Jorah Mormont

    December 10, 2022 at 11:01 pm

    I have a fear of rejection. Nice talk though would you go out with me ?

  28. Happy elephant

    December 11, 2022 at 8:29 am

    Social anxious person was here 🙂

  29. Raimundo Ortins

    December 11, 2022 at 1:37 pm

    I’ve always been bullied by girls since I was little because my jaw was too far in, I developed social anxiety, I literally have no friends, I can’t even look girls in the eye. I’m 26 years old and I’ve never had a girlfriend because I’m afraid of being rejected.

  30. Early Owl

    December 11, 2022 at 9:39 pm

    Rejection is not it at all. I don’t relate to that. For me, it’s about wasting time with people who I can only just sit and observe, it’s me being uncomfortable in a meaningless situation when I could rather give myself something to enjoy like reas a book, or watch a good series.

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