Science & Technology
What to Do When You Offend Someone | Lambers Fisher | TED
Misunderstandings between you and your loved ones will happen — it’s what you do next that matters most, says marriage and family therapist Lambers Fisher. Drawing on his work helping couples and relatives work through communication issues, he shares four principles to accept the inevitability of offending someone close to you — and how to…
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@iamerikka9774
July 17, 2024 at 8:46 am
Lord where is the audience. Everyone need to hear this a few times
@jason666king
July 17, 2024 at 8:57 am
2:13 good clip of the audience. Or lack thereof
@iamerikka9774
July 17, 2024 at 9:56 am
@@jason666king the lack there of was my operative stance
@krusefiction
July 17, 2024 at 8:50 am
Offence is always about intent. If the intent of something spoken or written is not explicitly to hurt, and you feel offended, it is up to you to deal with that emotion – not me!
I can feel sorry, that you have this feeling, and if we have daily interactions, I might offer to help dealing with those emotions, but they are yours – own them, deal with them, or be a victim all your life!
@robschebel7200
July 17, 2024 at 11:12 am
It’s up to BOTH people to work through it. Mature adults take responsibility for their words and actions, and their responses. Good intentions can sometimes create negative impacts. Wise people pay attention to both intention and impact, and work to repair relationships after an offense or disagreement.
@jason666king
July 17, 2024 at 8:54 am
Grow a spine.
@YouLoveMrFriendly
July 17, 2024 at 9:13 am
Lol Cultural Marxists never stop trying to control us
@Cloudss9
July 17, 2024 at 9:19 am
Excellent presentation Mr. Fisher. I will be sharing your Tedx video with others. You are doing amazing work that helps maintain connections and heal. Thank you for your contributions to society.
@protagonist1358
July 17, 2024 at 9:27 am
Do what Yeshua said.
@datpspguy
July 17, 2024 at 9:35 am
One of the best Ted Talks I’ve heard in a long time. Great talk!
@DemLottBoyz
July 17, 2024 at 9:57 am
Man, I thought that was Tyrese
@Ninja9JKD
July 17, 2024 at 10:04 am
If you’re walking on egg shells, your in the wrong place. If you have to sacrifice your honesty or integrity in the company you keep, you’re in the wrong company.
@robschebel7200
July 17, 2024 at 11:08 am
If you’re telling yourself that offending others is their problem, and not yours, then you have a lot of growing up to do. Mature adults take responsibility for their words and actions, and act with compassion toward others they may have hurt, even unintentionally.
@alexchen4647
July 17, 2024 at 2:55 pm
@robshebel7200 Agreed, offending someone doesn’t make you a bad person but taking the stance that you could never have done anything wrong intentionally or unintentionally does. Refusing to ever learn others’ points of view means you are immature.
@thisisntallowed9560
July 17, 2024 at 5:52 pm
I grew up in a home of narcissists. They really do get offended over the smallest thing. I’m not their therapist. I really don’t think they should be offended by me saying stuff like “you should put the dishes on this side in the dishwasher so that it gets washed properly” or me disagreeing with them or calling out their hurtful behaviors.
@robschebel7200
July 17, 2024 at 5:56 pm
@@thisisntallowed9560 The video wasn’t about dealing with a “home of narcissists.” It was about couples.
@alexanderespinoza
July 17, 2024 at 6:26 pm
this is a circular argument
@ao11861
July 17, 2024 at 11:11 pm
Unfortunately most of us are not adults, just children in grown up bodies. About 85% of the people you encounter daily is my guess. But i have hope for us all. That we will culturally change to create norms that allow us to move past survival in order to emotionally mature and finally “grow up”.
@mestreluk
July 17, 2024 at 11:19 am
Wow, this is one sad comment section.
@TheDrogba777
July 17, 2024 at 12:33 pm
some great ideas in here
@sachiperez
July 17, 2024 at 1:09 pm
i’m offended, i must be learning something new about what makes me tick….
@Ugottabekiddingme
July 17, 2024 at 1:11 pm
Lordy. Why do leftists assume and presume to tell everyone else how to behave? LOOK AT THE MAN IN THE MIRROR FIRST. Michael Jackson said it best. Also, you are not my father, and I reject any “lesson teaching” moments from you. I learn lessons due to my own life experiences, and so do you. You didn’t learn this lesson to correct my behavior, you learned it to change you.
This life is not about changing the behavior of other people, AT ALL. It is about changing yourself 💯 %. You are not here to parent me, I am not here to be lectured to by you.
Spend your life trying to make other people feel bad about themselves, and you will get to the other side and realize it’s game over for you.
@BeatnikHimself
July 17, 2024 at 1:37 pm
Wonderful talk, thank you.
@nicab.7219
July 17, 2024 at 1:45 pm
What a great lesson on how to be a better human!
@diegoSG86
July 17, 2024 at 2:33 pm
I don’t speak my mind hardly because of the thought of being offensive, but when I do, I find that that very group of people or person was thinking the same thought or way.
@JennyInTheHighCountry
July 17, 2024 at 2:55 pm
That was AWESOME!
Thank You!!
@kimruffin8039
July 17, 2024 at 2:58 pm
This talk is a keeper! Such important concepts that I’ll need to return to at some point. Thank you!
@MusclesfromB
July 17, 2024 at 3:19 pm
I see better than I did before, your pasts’ hurts. I see the impact that they had on your current unmet needs. And I want to come alongside of you and not give a flying fk about it.
The things he is saying are only useful if you care about the person so much that you want to bend over double for them. If i offended some random person, he does not need me to accept the inevitability of offense. I already know that there is always a chance of offending someone. If it’s reasonable why they are offended i might change my behavior, if not, see ya!
@robschebel7200
July 18, 2024 at 3:33 pm
Do you understand that he’s talking mostly about married couples?
@DanielPedro-m8t
July 17, 2024 at 4:55 pm
Deus abençoe
@Riclmnopp
July 17, 2024 at 5:14 pm
I’ll save you 12 minutes. “Just say sorry”, unless you are not sorry.
@thisisntallowed9560
July 17, 2024 at 5:38 pm
The sound is not good it’s annoying
@Nethershaw
July 17, 2024 at 8:56 pm
Offense is the combination of ego and opinion. Opinion is invalid; ego doubly so.
Don’t bother being offended. Be correct.
@robschebel7200
July 18, 2024 at 3:32 pm
That sounds wise, but really isn’t. The video is about couples. Your spouse’s opinion isn’t “invalid” in the emotional sense. If a person is offended by what their spouse says or does, it’s not as simple as “don’t be offended.” Rather, it’s better to work though the disagreement.
@jushy7281
July 18, 2024 at 5:24 am
Great speech but unfortunately the sound quality is bad :/
@moinulislamshaun8369
July 18, 2024 at 8:43 am
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@oliviao2238
July 18, 2024 at 9:45 am
These defensible arguments often retract from the deep issue as the understanding typically fades away.
@rainashaw3026
July 18, 2024 at 10:43 am
Your emotions are your own responsibility. If someone offends you, it’s best to move on. It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to avoid offending others all the time.
@robschebel7200
July 18, 2024 at 3:29 pm
He repeats this idea in the video. Couples are his main audience, though, and it’s not always best for a spouse to “move on” when offended. He is pointing out that it’s better for them to talk and disagree their way through it.
@TheBryanmauro
July 19, 2024 at 3:20 am
Answer: Double Down
@bambangpratama1105
July 19, 2024 at 8:11 am
Very good talk, like how he give it to the audience, clear and smooth..
@krux02
July 19, 2024 at 10:12 am
What I’ve learned is when someone feels offended even though it wasn’t an attack and they behave in a way that should make me feel sorry for what I did, I usually just completely disengage with that person. Sorry, but not sorry. I mean what are they thinking? That by guilt tripping me they could achieve anything? If I actually tried to be offensive, that I would be sorry for it just because they said it was offensive? I am not trying to please someone who tries to guilt trip me, or tries to see problems when there are no problems. It’s their problem. And they should learn proper communication, and how to ask questions, instead of guit tripping other people. Nobody has the right to not be offended ever.
@jclgts10
July 19, 2024 at 5:02 pm
I did not thought that someone else besides me , would think like this …
@saeedibrahim2291
July 20, 2024 at 2:38 am
In Islam, Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) says, “the kind speech is a charity”. Also
Amr ibn ‘Abasah reported: I came to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and I said, “O Messenger of Allah, who is with you in this matter?” The Prophet said, “The free and the enslaved.” I said, “What is Islam?” The Prophet said, “Kind words and feeding the hungry.” I said, “What is faith?” The Prophet said, “Patience and tolerance.” I said, “Whose Islam is best?” The Prophet said, “One from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe.” I said, “Whose faith is best?” The Prophet said, “One with good character.” I said, “Which prayer is best?” The Prophet said, “One with a long supplication.” I said, “Which emigration is best?” The Prophet said, “To emigrate away from what is hated by the Lord Almighty.” I said, “Whose jihad is best?” The Prophet said, “One whose horse has fallen and his blood gushes forth.” I said, “Which hours are best?” The Prophet said, “The depths of the late night.”
@leonardobeasley6319
July 20, 2024 at 5:23 am
Amazing speaker
@ta-tl5ii
July 20, 2024 at 11:01 am
Hello😊 1:31
@Bryanhaproff
July 22, 2024 at 2:28 am
Gen X says : “BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAH!”
@Welcome-421
July 22, 2024 at 2:38 am
“كرامتك و عزت نفسك هما أغلى ما تملك لا تخسرهما ولو كلفك ذلك حياتك كلها…
@dardobartoli
July 22, 2024 at 8:45 am
So many words, yet nothing was said.