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The Single Most Important Parenting Strategy | Becky Kennedy | TED

Everyone loses their temper from time to time — but the stakes are dizzyingly high when the focus of your fury is your own child. Clinical psychologist and renowned parenting whisperer Becky Kennedy is here to help. Not only does she have practical advice to help parents manage the guilt and shame of their not-so-great…

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Everyone loses their temper from time to time — but the stakes are dizzyingly high when the focus of your fury is your own child. Clinical psychologist and renowned parenting whisperer Becky Kennedy is here to help. Not only does she have practical advice to help parents manage the guilt and shame of their not-so-great moments but she also models the types of conversations you can have to be a better parent. (Hint: this works in all other relationships too.) Bottom line? It’s never too late to reconnect.

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68 Comments

68 Comments

  1. Jungoo Kookie

    September 14, 2023 at 9:41 am

    Nice, it is actually simple but not an easy thing to do

  2. Yolanda Swope

    September 14, 2023 at 10:02 am

    Better than repair is not to hurt them in the first place.

  3. HakuCell

    September 14, 2023 at 10:10 am

    The video is way too long for me. Please make shorts out of Ted Talks.

  4. Melinda Kayumba

    September 14, 2023 at 10:23 am

    Thank you so much for this

  5. Kelsey Sampson

    September 14, 2023 at 10:31 am

    So amazing. Thank you Dr. Becky!

  6. B25by25 DAp

    September 14, 2023 at 10:43 am

    i grew up with an unmedicated single schizophrenic mother (refused to take treatment as she didn’t believe the diagnosis). I remember vividly thinking that if I was good, she wouldn’t have extra stress and go into psychosis. Even if the yelling wasn’t at me, the impact was tremendous on my emotional state. She would often go into a state of clarity where should would cry and apologize for the trauma she caused… followed by a rant about all the government agents and demons that were trying to kill us. I understand it’s not necessarily her fault and have consequently had to learn these self regulation techniques to the extreme. I’m 23 now and I can’t wait to employ better parenting practices on my future children❤ Great and informative talk!

  7. rdpfolio

    September 14, 2023 at 11:11 am

    The phone call exercise was powerful, got tears in my eyes listening to it. Great talk Becky, I will be a better father because of this.

  8. Sander Anocic

    September 14, 2023 at 11:34 am

    Good job 🙂

  9. Rose Sklar

    September 14, 2023 at 11:45 am

    Spot on. I am going to make that hard call to my adult child and give her the apology she deserves. The one I never received, the one I will now model for our future.

  10. Delphine Wood

    September 14, 2023 at 12:22 pm

    What a beautiful talk. Thank you.

  11. VARSHA VYAS

    September 14, 2023 at 12:27 pm

    So good

  12. Chris Day

    September 14, 2023 at 12:45 pm

    3:06 is an epiphany for sure.

  13. Bilo Collection

    September 14, 2023 at 12:54 pm

    How do you think prioritizing repair can impact a child’s self-esteem and emotional well-being in the long run?

  14. Home Wall

    September 14, 2023 at 1:44 pm

    What is the sound evidence that talk therapy works? The more drugs and therapy, the weaker and more intolerant people actually seem to be, more lonely, more avoiding others, more wanting to push others around to your own views. We have more homeless, more drug abusers, more lovers of undeclared wars to kill foreigners, more dependency on receiving extorted wealth from others, less religious, more trusting of government rulers, more kids shooting other kids, and less academically capable.

    • Anthony

      September 14, 2023 at 3:11 pm

      Correlation ≠ Causation

  15. r@munya

    September 14, 2023 at 3:02 pm

    This is so powerful 😭

  16. Regina Uzzardi

    September 14, 2023 at 3:04 pm

    This is outstanding! So glad you shared this TED and more glad I listened to it. Thank You

  17. ABC Content

    September 14, 2023 at 3:11 pm

    Repair, self-regulate, and revisit those moments. And, remember, it is NEVER TOO LATE. Becky, this is brilliant. Thank you!

  18. Emily Shotwell Boivin

    September 14, 2023 at 3:14 pm

    Yes!!!! Dr. Becky and TED in one place? Literally was listening to her Good Inside audible a few hours ago. So thankful for you and what you share.

  19. CSEP - Inspiring Keynote Speakers

    September 14, 2023 at 3:36 pm

    . It’s so true that we all make mistakes, especially as parents, but the key is learning how to repair those moments of disconnection. It’s never too late to apologize and make amends with our children, and I love the idea of teaching them valuable skills like regulating their emotions and communicating effectively.

  20. Ana Bogosavljev

    September 14, 2023 at 5:54 pm

    At the end, public shows that everyone of them have problem with kids.

  21. Mary Be

    September 14, 2023 at 6:54 pm

    I just LOVE Dr. Becky and am thrilled this concept of repair is going to get the visibility this world needs.

  22. Mary Be

    September 14, 2023 at 7:05 pm

    How to repair:
    7:33 Step 1: Repair with yourself
    8:41 Step 2: Repair with your child — 1) Name what happened; 2) take responsibility; 3) state what you would do differently the next time.

  23. Patricia Rutkey

    September 14, 2023 at 7:20 pm

    Obsessed – this is so wonderful. I sent to my husband, my Dad, my sisters, and my friends ❤❤ Thank you for this ❤

  24. Cheyenne

    September 14, 2023 at 8:26 pm

    This was a great example of authoritative parenting! This was a great talk and definitely one of my favorites❤

  25. setionos

    September 14, 2023 at 8:55 pm

    – Repair involves acknowledging moments of disconnection, taking responsibility for one’s behavior, and addressing the impact on the other person.
    – Repair is not just about apologizing but about reconnection and addressing the emotional impact.
    – Repairing with children can have a lifelong impact, teaching them valuable emotional regulation and communication skills. It is never too late to repair and improve relationships with children.

  26. 666dorian

    September 14, 2023 at 11:05 pm

    ‘Don’t let your behaviour define you.’ Literally the building blocks of what defines everyone.
    A ten years later update on how her children are doing entering into a world of normal adults would be interesting

  27. Ha Le

    September 14, 2023 at 11:52 pm

    Find myself somewhere in the speech – “not repair”

  28. Fernando Alonso

    September 15, 2023 at 12:55 am

    I cant wait to be a father

  29. Nick Goh - Homes With Nick

    September 15, 2023 at 2:51 am

    This has got to be the BEST parenting advice that I have heard ever since becoming a parent myself.

  30. suusjuhhh2

    September 15, 2023 at 2:57 am

    Thank you so much for your talk, it helps me in so many ways

  31. Miriam Hughes

    September 15, 2023 at 4:40 am

    Love love love!!!
    Thank you for normailizing parents being imperfect who are striving to repair and grow all the time! So appreciate the spot on advice to repairing!

  32. Mary Hamilton

    September 15, 2023 at 6:08 am

    I respect your work mate. TA is good but I find it truly baffling that all major crypto youtubers just look at pure T.A and completely Ignore the bigger narrative of why BTC Is pumping and why the future outlook might not be as rosy as it seems. It’s kinda irresponsible to ignore the fact that each ETF launch so far has caused a major pump at the peaks of BTC.. We were already on shaky footing with historically low volume and almost pure whale pumps, narrowly avoiding a long-term bear market. more emphasis should be put into day trading as It is less affected by the unpredictable nature of the Market.. I have made over 11btc from day trading with Gabriel Harrison , insights and signals in less than 3 weeks, this is one of the Best medium to backup your assets incase it goes bearish.

    • Ashley coppedge

      September 15, 2023 at 6:10 am

      Thanks for dropping his telegram information I just sent him a detailed message. You are actually the fourth person that have spoken great about this Gabriel Harrison strategy, I think I will try it right away👍

    • Darlene jackson

      September 15, 2023 at 6:10 am

      I Saw Expert Gabriel Harrison first time in New York City 2017. His teaching towards financial freedom is highly commended.

    • Winter Gail Horbal

      September 15, 2023 at 6:10 am

      I currently started trading with him and my results have been all profits. A lot of people out there don’t really know how to trade, they need guidance, but don’t know how to go about it, His training program has been insightful, and I must say, I’m most honored to have been part and a full-time beneficiary of his daily signals.

    • Mary Dunlop

      September 15, 2023 at 6:11 am

      Buying bitcoin doesn’t make you a winner, the ability to make profit daily out of your capital is what makes you a winner. stop depending on the market price to make profit, choose Trading over Holding it

    • Louise Burt Hewlett

      September 15, 2023 at 6:12 am

      I do thank him and recommended him for those out there who are confused about trading and forex too should try investing with him. His trading services is working very awesome.

  33. Marco Aurélio Chibiaque

    September 15, 2023 at 6:58 am

    AMAZING TALK, ESSENCIAL FOR PARENTS AROUND THE GLOBE, PLEASE PUT SOME LEGEND TRANSLATION FOR SPANISH AND OTHER LANGUAGES!! THANKS!! @TED

  34. Alfredo Hernandez

    September 15, 2023 at 7:02 am

    It seems like the parent is taking all the blame and apologizing along repairing the situation. The kid should appreciate what they have and don’t feel entitled. It seems like ‘repair’ means that the child can do no wrong and all the burden is in the parent. Parenting should be a two way relationship where the parent educates and transfers values and the kid appreciates and learns. My father always told me when I was wrong and yelled many times and I never felt self blame or that I wasn’t loved. On the contrary, it opened my eyes and realized many things that as kids, I was taking for granted. This is how you educate entitled kids that can be corrected because everything you say to them may hurt their feelings. I don’t think this is a good way to raise kids.

  35. Humaira Kakar

    September 15, 2023 at 8:47 am

    😭

  36. Mohamed Ahmed

    September 15, 2023 at 12:37 pm

    Steps for Repairing Relationships:-

    Step one is recognizing the rupture or disconnection.
    Step two involves taking responsibility for one’s behavior and acknowledging its impact on others.
    The speaker emphasizes the importance of differentiating repair from a simple apology.

  37. Chris Montoya

    September 15, 2023 at 1:38 pm

    Way to go Dr.B! I cried twice thru this, thank you for the work you do.

  38. JESSI DURMIS

    September 15, 2023 at 4:15 pm

    I am trying ❤❤❤

  39. Arctic Thunder Gamer

    September 15, 2023 at 4:21 pm

    ok first of all start with believing in yourself or and making it work on your own and not that fictitious being GOD ! He is not real !!!!! stop doing i am going to leave in gods hands or god will take care of it, own your own stuff make it happen, some of this is kind of good.

  40. Arctic Thunder Gamer

    September 15, 2023 at 4:25 pm

    I am surprised she is a child clinician or relationship clinician this is parenting relationships 101.

  41. Soil Solution

    September 15, 2023 at 5:53 pm

    I wish my parents would say that to me, maybe I’ll repair.

  42. Rachel Losey

    September 16, 2023 at 1:17 am

    Amazing. You are just amazing Dr Becky

  43. bob bao

    September 16, 2023 at 4:43 am

    What a profound TED Talk! I almost teared up. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a talk like this. Thanks!

  44. thanh nhàn lê

    September 16, 2023 at 6:57 am

    THANKS FOR HELP ME LEARN🥰🥰🥰

  45. Sarah Leidhold

    September 16, 2023 at 8:21 am

    This is incredible. Dr. Becky is brilliant!

  46. BigBadWolf

    September 16, 2023 at 9:58 am

    Yes, be nice. Foster the relationships you have and repair them when something goes wrong. But maybe, just maybe, we should not forget to also teach our children to be more resilient in the face of “aggression” .

  47. A

    September 16, 2023 at 10:36 am

    The issue with this approach is you are dealing with your kid in a rational way, but kids are irrational and look up for authority

  48. Chris Arthur

    September 16, 2023 at 5:44 pm

    Powerful!!!!

  49. Mahaidi Hasan

    September 16, 2023 at 11:45 pm

    It is better to give subtitle 😢

  50. @maria mcaleavey

    September 17, 2023 at 2:37 am

    powerful true words.

  51. @maria mcaleavey

    September 17, 2023 at 2:43 am

    powerful not a parent reminder of child hood true words lucky blessed grateful had my dad gran papa show me life life experiences appreciate to have respect true trust love.

  52. Manoj C

    September 17, 2023 at 4:29 am

    A good Ted talk after a long time.

  53. C Chandalala

    September 17, 2023 at 9:21 am

    Yayyy Dr B! 🎉🎉Thank you for this!! 🙏🏾❤️ Repair mode activated.

  54. 00Tenrai00

    September 17, 2023 at 9:46 am

    We are raising a generation of coddled, pampered children. That grow up to be clueless adults without any measure of meaningful strategy to cope with actual hardships of life. Your child should be allowed to rebel. This rebellion should be curtailed by any means necessary. Positive reinforcement, coupled with coercive discipline.

  55. Steph De La Paz

    September 17, 2023 at 10:09 pm

    Cried the entire time.

  56. Abhay Anand

    September 18, 2023 at 1:19 am

    One of the all time best talks that I have ever watched!

  57. saif

    September 18, 2023 at 5:53 am

    Now this is what a great talk looks like ❤️

  58. Marcela Svirbelova Kuziakova

    September 18, 2023 at 7:55 am

    I love you I really admire your work,your honesty,I am mummy of two children, had a bed argument with my 12 year’s old son on Saturday, definitely going to repair,for sure I do try my best all the time,but I am still selfish from one point, feeling down lately, training to find my passion, don’t like going to my work, because I do complain about what I don’t like,the system there,my colleague they don’t like when I say what I think,it is stressful and unmotivated me all the way I am in position when I can’t do anything,have no childcare… anyway,thank you appreciate it everything, sending hugs and love 💕

  59. Lichking1019

    September 18, 2023 at 10:09 am

    You just reaffirmed that being bad at math is okay

  60. Maria Koutina

    September 18, 2023 at 4:37 pm

    Brilliant talk , thank you so much Becky

  61. Amanda Baus

    September 19, 2023 at 12:50 pm

    It is so hard to self-regulate when you were never taught as a child. I do find that teaching it to the next generation – even if it is hard to practice what you preach – has its own self-healing capacity. My parents will probably never take ownership of their shortcomings, but my inner child is listening and there’s a similar effect when I own up for mine.

  62. Jesse Petersen

    September 19, 2023 at 8:59 pm

    This is a very relevant, substantive and advanced approach to repairing and maintaining healthy relationships, for parents and children and all relationships. Thank you ❤ It’s an invaluable lesson amongst all of the media noise.

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