Connect with us

People & Blogs

The Four Steps to Hearing Hard Feedback Gracefully | Chris Wheatley | TED

We all have a “thing” — the way we act when we’re not at our best that we somehow can’t see in ourselves. Leadership expert Chris Wheatley learned about his when his best friend at work called him on it. He shares how hearing that hard truth shattered a lifelong pattern of defensiveness, offering a…

Published

on

We all have a “thing” — the way we act when we’re not at our best that we somehow can’t see in ourselves. Leadership expert Chris Wheatley learned about his when his best friend at work called him on it. He shares how hearing that hard truth shattered a lifelong pattern of defensiveness, offering a practical framework for receiving feedback with tact. (Recorded at TEDxSpokane on January 31, 2026)

Join us in person at a TED conference:
Become a TED Member to support our mission:
Subscribe to a TED newsletter:

Follow TED!
Instagram:
LinkedIn:
TikTok:
Facebook:
X:

The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world’s leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less) — plus originals, podcasts and exclusive content. Look for videos on Technology, Entertainment and Design as well as science, business, global issues, the arts and more. Visit for our entire library, transcripts, translations and personalized recommendations.

Watch more:

TED videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with the TED Talks Usage Policy: . For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), submit a request at

#TED #TEDTalks #Communication

Continue Reading
Advertisement
26 Comments

26 Comments

  1. @MsLizziebeth1

    September 13, 2026 at 11:13 am

    Ha! How about when it’s your hatefull boss? ….He DOESN’T care.

    • @kimberly_erin

      September 13, 2026 at 11:59 am

      Ask them about it. See if they want to try it out. If it doesn’t work out, find another boss

    • @janycebrown4071

      September 13, 2026 at 1:18 pm

      Get a new boss😊❤

  2. @sharlarae9719

    September 13, 2026 at 11:34 am

    Great advice 🫶

  3. @surpreetsindhar

    September 13, 2026 at 12:02 pm

    Where’s the hype button this needs to be hyped up

  4. @janycebrown4071

    September 13, 2026 at 12:06 pm

    Excellent video!
    Be better everyday ❣️💪🙌✨️

  5. @TheCanopyCrusader

    September 13, 2026 at 12:45 pm

    That was spectacular! I, too, have had to deal with the same issue and now I have an easy to follow technique. Thank you!

  6. @misslusixseven67

    September 13, 2026 at 1:19 pm

    The hard stuff makes us better, in my experience. 😊

  7. @greyish7121

    September 13, 2026 at 1:59 pm

    Couldn’t stop smiling throughout the whole video. What a beautiful and warm reminder that we’re just humans and we sometimes do need people to tell us if we’re doing good or not.

  8. @RealFTFC

    September 13, 2026 at 2:33 pm

    Finally a talk about being better humans with adopting to AI.

  9. @pacmanshooter247

    September 13, 2026 at 3:07 pm

    You could really tell he spoke from the heart and it means something very real to him. It’s rare I watch these. I’m glad I did this time.

    • @ShawnLH88

      September 16, 2026 at 2:16 am

      Sounds like you don’t like to learn

    • @pacmanshooter247

      September 16, 2026 at 2:38 am

      @ShawnLH88 bad faith interpretation on your part. Try having AuDHD. I can’t process video information well.

  10. @Echo21

    September 13, 2026 at 4:13 pm

    The Four Steps to Hearing Hard Feedback Gracefully:
    1. Thankfulness – Calm the initial fight-or-flight response (10:00)
    2. Acknowledgement – Help the OTHER PERSON feel seen and heard (10:12)
    3. Commitment – Honor the feedback with action (10:35)
    4. Thankfulness – Reinforce and reward the behavior (11:00)

  11. @mithilaoyshi

    September 14, 2026 at 12:41 am

    Amazing lesson

  12. @miraclehappens1928

    September 14, 2026 at 4:06 am

    Love it and love you man!! you changed my life

  13. @asceticacid

    September 14, 2026 at 7:01 am

    This is not very rigorous or philosophical. Just because somebody doesn’t like your approach doesn’t mean they are right. The implication here is that everybody’s feelings are valid. Let’s all change our behaviour to suit each other… This is a recipe for masking and confusion when dealing with different people who have different desires and boundaries. The answer is philosophy: decide on what your boundaries are and why, then respect your own boundaries. Do not accept criticism blindly: require evidence for why the behaviour was wrong.

  14. @_---__

    September 14, 2026 at 7:24 am

    This was really good and I’m going to use it going forward.

  15. @ShahzanAli-c4i

    September 14, 2026 at 7:34 am

    Actually, This gentle man describes real way of life

  16. @harrypearle9781

    September 14, 2026 at 11:03 am

    K(NO)W contains the word NO
    NO turned around is ON Often saying NO, wakes people up, and can turn them ON.
    At SCHOOL, often MISTAKES have the most lasting IMPACT, the best lessons, but this may be hard to take, at the time.
    ========================================================================================= TN

  17. @Annna-20123

    September 14, 2026 at 11:33 am

    💖💕💖

  18. @lenovotab4668

    September 15, 2026 at 9:21 am

    عندي استفسار ،
    هل الترجمة الى العربية التي تظهر بالفيديو سليمة ودقيقة ؟

  19. @ambalastores

    September 15, 2026 at 10:54 am

    Dear TED Team,

    I am writing to you not as a complaint, but as a humble suggestion from someone who genuinely loves listening to TED and TEDx talks.

    I am from Pakistan, and I often listen to TED talks with great interest. I listen carefully because I want to understand the ideas behind them, not simply hear the words. However, sometimes a speaker uses local humor, cultural references, expressions or phrases that are perfectly clear to the audience sitting in the hall, while someone listening thousands of miles away may not understand them in the same way.

    I recently experienced this while listening to Chris Wheatley’s TEDxSpokane talk, “The Four Steps to Hearing Hard Feedback Gracefully,” recorded on January 31, 2026. I found the title very interesting and listened carefully for several minutes, but some of the humor and local references made it difficult for me to fully understand what the speaker was trying to convey.

    This made me think about something important. The audience sitting in a TEDx hall may consist of a few hundred people, but the audience outside that hall can be millions of people from different countries, cultures and languages.

    My humble suggestion is that TED could encourage speakers, whenever possible, to provide a short written companion to their talks — perhaps a simple summary of the main message, along with brief explanations of local jokes, cultural references or expressions that may not be easily understood by an international audience.

    This could also be adapted into a short social media post after the talk, explaining the central idea in simple and universally understandable language. It would not replace the speaker’s natural style, personality or humor. Rather, it would help people from different cultures understand the deeper meaning behind the talk.

    I believe this small addition could make many wonderful TED and TEDx ideas even more accessible to people around the world.

    I greatly appreciate the work TED is already doing through transcripts, subtitles and translations. My suggestion is simply to add another layer of clarity for the millions of people who listen from cultures very different from the speaker’s own.

    I am sharing this thought with great respect and admiration for TED’s mission of spreading ideas.

    Thank you for listening to the suggestion of one ordinary listener from Pakistan who simply wants to understand, learn and benefit from the ideas you share with the world.

    With sincere respect,

    Javed Akhtar Arain
    Pakistan
    15 September 2026

  20. @rea-u2j

    September 16, 2026 at 12:58 am

    that’s really good, thank you !

  21. @hristospasov5998

    September 16, 2026 at 12:14 pm

    But what if people give you feedback, which is unhelpful, because the people don’t see your hidden struggles and don’t understand you well? Even if they care about you and have good intentions, they can lead you to the wrong path, because they don’t know you. Or what if you receive feedback, which is contradictory, due to everyone seeing you in their own subjective way? One group of people can be biased and give you feedback, which is the opposite of what another group with their own bias will give. Why does one even have to fit into the expectations of others? How do you know then what is objectively an improvement? I also didn’t like the example with his sister, because saying “There were times in my life, when I needed you, but..” sounds overly-dependent, and a bit manipulative and blaming.

  22. @Headwarmer

    September 16, 2026 at 1:46 pm

    Thank you

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

People & Blogs

The Shape-Shifting Sounds of the Accordion | Maria Telesheva | TED

Musician Maria Telesheva plays the accordion like a second set of lungs, showcasing this powerhouse instrument and its impressive 226 buttons — whether she’s playing Bach or the Beatles. In this talk and performance, she discusses how she fell in love with this musical acrobat and plays two beautiful songs. (Recorded at Play@TED on May…

Published

on

Musician Maria Telesheva plays the accordion like a second set of lungs, showcasing this powerhouse instrument and its impressive 226 buttons — whether she’s playing Bach or the Beatles. In this talk and performance, she discusses how she fell in love with this musical acrobat and plays two beautiful songs. (Recorded at Play@TED on May 14, 2026)

Join us in person at a TED conference:
Become a TED Member to support our mission:
Subscribe to a TED newsletter:

Follow TED!
Instagram:
LinkedIn:
TikTok:
Facebook:
X:

The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world’s leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less) — plus originals, podcasts and exclusive content. Look for videos on Technology, Entertainment and Design as well as science, business, global issues, the arts and more. Visit for our entire library, transcripts, translations and personalized recommendations.

Watch more:

TED videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with the TED Talks Usage Policy: . For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), submit a request at

#TED #TEDTalks #Music #Performance

Continue Reading

People & Blogs

Life, like music, was never made to run in straight lines #TEDTalks

Grammy-winning musician Jacob Collier has a name for the feeling that moves through a great piece of music: the wiggle. Watch him break down the idea into its three parts — melody, rhythm and harmony — with nothing but his own voice, a grand piano and Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World.” Turns out life,…

Published

on

Grammy-winning musician Jacob Collier has a name for the feeling that moves through a great piece of music: the wiggle. Watch him break down the idea into its three parts — melody, rhythm and harmony — with nothing but his own voice, a grand piano and Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World.” Turns out life, like music, was never made to run in straight lines.

Continue Reading

People & Blogs

Good news: Even moving as little as 1 minute every 60 minutes can have health benefits #TEDTalks

Can a five-minute walk change how you feel all day? Exercise scientist Keith Diaz shows how your body is built for the kind of movement that modern life has quietly erased — and suggests something refreshingly doable: making time for small doses of movement sprinkled throughout the day, as a way to boost your brain…

Published

on

Can a five-minute walk change how you feel all day? Exercise scientist Keith Diaz shows how your body is built for the kind of movement that modern life has quietly erased — and suggests something refreshingly doable: making time for small doses of movement sprinkled throughout the day, as a way to boost your brain and body.

Continue Reading

Trending