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How to Divorce as Allies, Not Enemies | Allison O’Brien | TED

Ending a marriage doesn’t have to mean ending a family, says communication expert Allison O’Brien, who navigated her own divorce without lawyers or mediators. She introduces a framework for ensuring a divorce remains peaceful, supports children and creates a new family dynamic that nurtures everyone involved. (Recorded at TEDxBoulder on September 14, 2024) If you…

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Ending a marriage doesn’t have to mean ending a family, says communication expert Allison O’Brien, who navigated her own divorce without lawyers or mediators. She introduces a framework for ensuring a divorce remains peaceful, supports children and creates a new family dynamic that nurtures everyone involved. (Recorded at TEDxBoulder on September 14, 2024)

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43 Comments

43 Comments

  1. @DominionAnako-bb7ry

    February 28, 2025 at 7:40 am

    Love is love

  2. @patricksnyder4833

    February 28, 2025 at 7:42 am

    How about a talk on how to STAY MARRIED

    • @mihugong3153

      February 28, 2025 at 8:13 am

      You can look those up, there is a lot. This one is for the people for whom it didn’t work out.

    • @julio1148

      February 28, 2025 at 8:31 am

      Why do you imply that those dont exist? Or that they’re rare? 🤦‍♂️

    • @alexanderw.5200

      February 28, 2025 at 8:38 am

      I love my ex wife, I married the wrong women and divorced the right woman and I’m not mad about it, amicable divorce is a good thing. Marriage isn’t a bad thing, but staying married to the wrong person can hurt everyone we love for no reason.

  3. @eliasmekki4238

    February 28, 2025 at 7:52 am

    Don’t divorce

  4. @DVul

    February 28, 2025 at 8:10 am

    Good luck with that… most will end badly, you have disgruntled people and lawyers in the mix… likelihood of amicable resolution is severely impacted by conflicting interests… Hate, hurt, pain and profit… it’s a bad recipe… and the process is adversarial BY DESIGN…
    70% chance it was her decision… and that type of empathy might have opened communication and saved the marriage! And been the fence that prevented divorce in the first place – but here we are – the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff in damage control mode… just saying…!

  5. @chetthebee1322

    February 28, 2025 at 8:11 am

    For a man there is no benefit in getting married. Especially when undoubtedly you will end up divorce and losing everything regardless if you were at fault or not.

  6. @LiveWire_Guy

    February 28, 2025 at 8:15 am

    For the same irrational and emotional reasons that women initiate the divorce is the same reason the female uses the children to hurt the father. The health of the children is subordinate to the woman’s need to punish based on their unpredictable emotions. No fault divorce is the problem.

  7. @rikbiswas-hc8nw

    February 28, 2025 at 8:21 am

    There are some books that just feel too powerful. This is one of them. Vibrations of Manifestation explains things about the subconscious mind and energy alignment that I don’t think we’re supposed to know. Read at your own risk.

  8. @SitolMohanty

    February 28, 2025 at 8:21 am

    I don’t know if I should be recommending this book or warning people about it. The things it teaches are not for everyone. If you’re comfortable living in ignorance, do not read Vibrations of Manifestation.

  9. @rahulmorimori1019

    February 28, 2025 at 8:21 am

    It’s honestly unsettling how effective the techniques in this book are. I don’t know if it’s good or bad, but after applying what Vibrations of Manifestation teaches, my life started shifting so fast it scared me. I wouldn’t recommend it unless you’re ready for serious change.

  10. @DaveMcIroy

    February 28, 2025 at 8:31 am

    75% divorce rate at lesbians. 50% at heteros. 80% initiated by the woman.
    Yeah, let’s get a woman to tell how to get divorced!

    • @hislightness

      February 28, 2025 at 12:50 pm

      Perhaps they have the courage to make that tough decision to end a broken relationship, to live a happy life again. (Assuming the pair tried to talk and improve the relationship. But sometimes that just does not work out)

      We only have that one life and holding onto the status quo although it makes you miserable, is destructive.

    • @DaveMcIroy

      February 28, 2025 at 1:05 pm

      @hislightness, a lot of them are bored/ think there’s someone better out there, and are regretting it quite fast.
      Also just look at the stats:
      gay divorce rate: 25%
      hetero divorce rate: 50%
      lesbian divorce rate: 75%
      Do you notice something?

  11. @novoscorp7275

    February 28, 2025 at 8:33 am

    Adorable. 🙂

  12. @NOXStellans

    February 28, 2025 at 8:36 am

    “Divorce is not a failure” — “There is no shame in ending a marriage”
    Divorce ≈ Bankruptcy???
    “Bankruptcy is not a failure” — “There is no shame in bankruptcy”
    Consider the strengths and weaknesses of these statements:

  13. @gheangel_quinn

    February 28, 2025 at 8:41 am

    I’ve got things I must do today. Things which involves the beginnings of a few teachings by dishing out some of their own Med’a’Sins back to them!

  14. @thugghishruggishbone

    February 28, 2025 at 9:10 am

    Quick, somebody send this to Evander Kane!

  15. @sunilchoudhury379

    February 28, 2025 at 9:14 am

    It is easy when you are a narcissist benefitting from the divorce.

  16. @erminm31

    February 28, 2025 at 9:40 am

    Imagine having your marriage talked at a Ted😅women

    • @sinnguyen39

      March 4, 2025 at 12:59 am

      that’s her perspective my friend, don’t think too much about it

  17. @ArunKumar-bp5lo

    February 28, 2025 at 9:54 am

    need both parents to understand & matured enough

  18. @andrewlevas9258

    February 28, 2025 at 9:59 am

    I used three rules. One, never discuss your relationship with your spouse with the children, even when they’ve matured. Two, never use the children as a weapon against your spouse. Three, never use the children as spies in the house of your spouse.

  19. @tereasia

    February 28, 2025 at 10:02 am

    I DEEPLY regret not getting a lawyer!!!!

    • @emolaus

      February 28, 2025 at 12:07 pm

      In the Ted talk, sounds like her ex husband is as wise as she is, which is a prerequisite… If you had a bad breakup I hope things work out for you

  20. @kimqh.yongho

    February 28, 2025 at 10:46 am

    ❤️

  21. @JCResDoc94

    February 28, 2025 at 11:43 am

    but it is her fault! _JC

  22. @drumbum3.142

    February 28, 2025 at 11:44 am

    One needs to know; and be able to differentiate, between friends, enemies, allies, opponents, and adversaries. Sometimes the likes of which can change in (less than) the blink of an eye.. .

  23. @MCR0709

    February 28, 2025 at 1:08 pm

    It’s better to be a single parent without marriage than divorce.

  24. @StrongButAwkward

    February 28, 2025 at 1:56 pm

    It’s a good strategy if you and your spouse are both good faith partners in a divorce between two people who worked together but don’t any longer.

    The problem is lots of marriages aren’t that. When one partner was emotionally/psychological manipulative and abusive and used the other person and not only never showed real guilt but tried to rewrite the relationship into a story of their own victimization… Well it’s not a situation where any of this advice about forgetting or sharing blame or moving on is at all applicable, much less helpful.

    • @allisonobrien6680

      March 4, 2025 at 4:55 pm

      This is Allison O’Brien. Thank you very much for watching/listening. I agree with you. If there is significant mental illness, abuse, or violence, what I’m suggesting doesn’t apply and likely won’t work. The approach that worked for me, the one I was tossing out there as an option, only works if both parties are willing to let go of their own anger, their pain, disappointment etc. in order to prioritize the future for their children.

  25. @cheatings-st

    March 1, 2025 at 3:43 am

    I am a trangeder author. This just inspired me to his video inspired me to create a new video about family issues. Thanks to the whole community for your support, I wouldn’t have achieved anything without you!

  26. @travelingtophe

    March 1, 2025 at 6:15 am

    Well put. I wish my parents would have watched this 45 years ago.

  27. @GalaxyExpress-hq9qb

    March 1, 2025 at 9:56 am

    Good narrative, and I get your point. I also had a peaceful breakup, so I definitely know what you mean. But don’t you think you and I were the lucky ones? It’s a lot easier to be a good actor if the opponent is a good actor.

    • @allisonobrien6680

      March 4, 2025 at 4:59 pm

      This is Allison O’Brien. Thank you for listening! Yes, I do think we’re the lucky ones. And we were very fortunate that our “opponents” were good actors too. But I’m sure you’ll agree that it wasn’t easy. It didn’t always go smoothly. It was extremely difficult even though we wanted the same outcome and had the same goals. Really happy for you that it was peaceful. Well done!

  28. @DominionAnako-bb7ry

    March 1, 2025 at 10:56 am

    Beautiful video

  29. @Vikram_Kushwaha_33

    March 1, 2025 at 11:07 pm

    Don’t glorify bloody DIVORCE 😎

  30. @kadiromar1236

    March 2, 2025 at 2:01 am

    Why this topic. Feminist is getting higher than before. Why not how to stay together forever

  31. @HassanChops

    March 2, 2025 at 6:19 am

    How petty can one be . I think we , as human beings, exploited the divorce matter enough . My point is u want a divorce than get one fr you don’t be cancer about it I don’t want be your emotional burden and a money-making scem at a Ted talk . 3:19

  32. @HarryGuit

    March 2, 2025 at 1:02 pm

    A very important concept right now, as we‘ll divorce the USA.😂

  33. @luis_discovery

    March 2, 2025 at 3:29 pm

    That’s nice and all, but why did they get divorced? If one of the spouses cheated on the other, good luck getting the other side to say “we’re good friends and he’s sitting right there” 😂

  34. @sinnguyen39

    March 4, 2025 at 12:56 am

    how ex husband and currently husband can stay together which see her presentation, appreciate it.

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