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The Benefits of Not Being a Jerk to Yourself | Dan Harris | TED
After more than two decades as an anchor for ABC News, an on-air panic attack sent Dan Harris’s life in a new direction: he became a dedicated meditator and, to some, even a guru. But then an anonymous survey of his family, friends and colleagues turned up some brutal feedback — he was still kind…
People & Blogs
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Dan Harris
October 10, 2022 at 12:03 pm
Here are some resources I recommend:
Find free meditations, podcast episodes, articles, and other talks to practice self-love & learn about this topic at .
Books:
– A Fierce Heart by Spring Washam
– Self-compassion by Kristin Neff
– Lovingkindness by Sharon Salzberg
– Chatter by Ethan Kross
Angela Hughes
October 10, 2022 at 4:32 pm
I’ve learned a lot about myself listening to you and reading your book 10% happier. I’ve even given it as a gift to loved ones multiple times. Ironically perhaps the other person I find refreshing and helpful is Mark Manson. When you boil it all down I do think you are both saying the same thing. I even started to ponder how this all seems a lot like Ayn Rand’s teachings about learning to help yourself first. We know you can’t help others until you help yourself. We hear this mantra throughout our lives but yet I believe we live in a society that focuses on helping others first otherwise you are seen as a bad person. I’m generalizing mind you but you get the gist. And not to throw more fuel to the fire here but social media doesn’t help us with self-love. We see what others have and we tend to feel unworthy in a multitude of ways. All of which I think is part of your “Toilet Vortex”. Anyway, thank you for doing the hard work and sharing. It’s a pleasure to hear your point of view and I applaud your efforts. Thank you.
Gabriel D
October 10, 2022 at 5:15 pm
In addition to being a genuinely moving and uplifting speech, Dan, you landed (almost) all of your jokes. I hope to see you lean into your speech writing and public speaking talent and keep infusing it with “the heart” and the humor that you successfully infused into this Ted talk. I think a lot of comedy says “I get you dude” to its audience but only a small subset of comedy expresses “I got you dude.” Now if you can marry your growing expertise in the field of happiness with your clear love of humor … what if you took a crazy risk and formally went after the humor. Formal study and training in comedy. Then poured that learning into writing and speaking killer content that evangelizes happiness with deep humor. What if …. 🙂
The Aubergine
October 10, 2022 at 9:20 pm
I read 10% Happier a couple years ago and totally fangirled over this talk!
m32m1m
October 10, 2022 at 11:08 pm
Thank you! As relevant as it gets!!!
Vinicius Baltazar Ciste de Oliveira
October 11, 2022 at 12:33 am
Man really enjoy your way of talking, maybe I am so skeptical as you was and I still trying to find my way out. You helped me a lot for the last two years, your podcast and interviews inspired me a lot and kept me feeling human. Thank you Dan.
z p
October 12, 2022 at 4:10 am
Thanks Dan, great talk!
Stanley Hape
October 12, 2022 at 5:10 pm
i love DanDan the cat man.
1artistLife101
October 10, 2022 at 8:06 pm
WOW! This is so humorous and helpful. Is he a secret comedian?
Anni IntheWoods
October 10, 2022 at 8:18 pm
Mindfulness, Thich Nhat Hanh
Karen Insley
October 10, 2022 at 8:21 pm
#1 of 10 God’s Commandments “You shall have no other Gods before Me.” Exodus 20:3 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and are not your own?” 1 Cor. 6:19
TrustInTheLord. Christ Jesus commandments are: “Jesus said unto him, ‘Thou shalt Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul and with all thy mind, .. And the second is like it unto it, Thou shalt Love thy neighbours as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.'” Matt. 22:37, 39-40 ❤❤❤ Seek Jn. 14:6, 3:3. Time is short 🙏
Martin well
October 10, 2022 at 9:49 pm
Hello Karen, how are you doing.
where are you from?
Jason Didner
October 10, 2022 at 8:23 pm
Ten Percent Happier and resources like it have helped me navigate some very thorny family health issues – physical and mental – that require as much of my best self as I can produce. Advice like this helps me to be as resilient as possible. And it’s inspired me to write songs on the subject. Thanks Dan! Great talk!
Mrboobiesrider
October 10, 2022 at 9:45 pm
What is love?
Andrew Connor
October 10, 2022 at 10:00 pm
Recently my therapist had me do a self-compassion exercise, and I literally couldn’t do it. I blamed myself for everything in the past… forgiving myself, forgiving others, is what I have to do, and I’m actually having warm feelings about myself for once. I was completely blind to how repressed I was, because I thought my anger and intellectual pursuits were what was keeping me safe, when actually, they were cutting me off from any real compassion and feeling for others… Crazy how your mind blinds you to things to protect you… good talk I can share!
Halis Akbas
October 10, 2022 at 10:19 pm
Why am I geting suggested this after 10 hours of it being uploaded? Does Google know something I don’t? LOL
Kingdom Revolution with Mark Wong
October 10, 2022 at 10:26 pm
Dan takes over 13mins to say what Jesus said in one phrase, Love your neighbour as you love yourself.
Carlos
October 10, 2022 at 10:49 pm
I recently started a practice of “noticing”. I set a monastery bell timer to go off every 15 minutes. (I think it’s a plum village app).
I stop, inhale and exhale once. Then ask myself “who’s here right now”? Then answer myself: “[angry, depressed, responsible, thinking] Carlos is here”.
Then, if “angry me” is here. I respond with: “that’s ok, let him talk. Nobody heard him when he was a small boy and hurting”.
It’s amazing this “noticing practice has improved my productivity, decreased my debilitating depression, and anxiety.
Ron Sparkman
October 10, 2022 at 11:32 pm
Dan Harris is the absolute best!
Jennifer Swaringen
October 10, 2022 at 11:32 pm
Thank you Dan for your work and your brave honesty.
Patrick S.
October 10, 2022 at 11:52 pm
Dan Harris just a champion of transparency. Just like in his book 10% Happier, always discovers a way to happier. Thank you TEDTalks and Dan Harris
VARSHA VYAS
October 11, 2022 at 12:05 am
So encouraging 🙂
김치우
October 11, 2022 at 12:16 am
I agree that love myself then we can love other people.
arie mulchand
October 11, 2022 at 12:21 am
You hide? You are exceptional in talking about a favorite topic!
Know your worth my dear. You are a nice person!
Aamna Here
October 11, 2022 at 12:22 am
This was a delightful talk. I think while we are taught to be kind to others which is extremely important, we’re not taught to be kind to ourselves with the same vigour and passion. Most of us never learn to love ourselves and we’re overly critical and outright mean in our self assessments. It’s even more true for children who’re raised in unhealthy, chaotic and abusive homes. The positivity to be deprived from this is that it’s always possible to start on your journey of self kindness and to extent the same kindness to others as well.
arie mulchand
October 11, 2022 at 12:25 am
Your smiles!
Emily McKenzie
October 11, 2022 at 12:34 am
So awesome. Thank you Dan Harris, will utilize your teachings.
Shanthi Kriss
October 11, 2022 at 12:47 am
Great job 👍 thank u for sharing
Drish Singh
October 11, 2022 at 12:54 am
Brilliant. Full circle moment for Dan. So happy for his journey and progress and am gracious for this powerful (and practical) insight he shared here..and what a great platform he chose as well. A TED talk for the record books… keep at it folks! Cause “our demons are always out in the parking lot doing push-ups”. Man o man too many gold nuggets hidden in if you don’t pay attention!
Unified field theory of love
Meditation evangelist
Ahh gotta go back and listen again!
Thank you Dan!
John Atkinson
October 11, 2022 at 1:05 am
I really resonated with your message, Dan. Well done!
Tamanna Arora
October 11, 2022 at 1:13 am
sarbat da bhala ~ may everyone prosper
JC Peaux
October 11, 2022 at 1:22 am
I watched cause Mama Ru said to
T W
October 11, 2022 at 1:27 am
“Just another jerk”
Kendall Stark
October 11, 2022 at 6:37 am
This was so spot on. Really needed to hear this 💖
Jeannie Forrest
October 11, 2022 at 11:31 am
Deep thanks for this funny, clever, real presentation…from a recovering snark monster. I’ve been grateful for the daily support of 10% Happier app as I make—often tiny—inroads.
Kimberly Bronk
October 11, 2022 at 12:52 pm
I. Love. This Perfect timing in my life – thank you. One of the best, most engaging TED talks I’ve seen/heard
Настя Денис
October 11, 2022 at 1:33 pm
We have to love and appreciate ourselves because if we don’t then other people won’t do that. It’s also utterly significant to value your own efforts. Sometimes, I tend to condemn myself for not studying so badly or underrate my knowledge. Then I realize I am being a jerk to myself. In such cases, I tell myself there is no need to be so strict with your own self. You have not done something today, you will do it tomorrow. Live and soak up your life. Life is not all about studying. You won’t miss anything out if you don’t study for one day. Those words help me to calm down and not to get myself down.
zak edelman
October 11, 2022 at 1:43 pm
Thanks for mustering the courage to address this. You rock!
Derek Pascal
October 11, 2022 at 1:44 pm
Better than Drano.
Jen B
October 11, 2022 at 2:55 pm
Love this- you’re a brave & tenacious person, Dan. We should all be so brave… I love loving kindness meditations- and do them when I cannot sleep, which helps tremendously. I am still trying to learn this & this talk boosted my resilience. 🙏
Tabby Biddle
October 11, 2022 at 5:09 pm
This is so well done, Dan. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Linda Clark
October 11, 2022 at 5:52 pm
And do not confuse loving-kindness with passivity. It isn’t about giving bullies a pass. They must be confronted for their behavior. But if we respond in kind–hateful, harsh punishment–it only provides a temporary solution. As the Buddha said several millennia ago, “Hatred doesn’t cease by hatred but only by love; this is the eternal rule.”
Even the elementary school kids I taught conflict resolution to understood that losers generally want to come back at you. Much better to look for win-win solutions together.
Salvadore Jani
October 11, 2022 at 6:17 pm
YouTube will have to release love ❤ button for this talk
Sunil Naphray
October 11, 2022 at 6:25 pm
Brilliant TED talk 👍 so natural, engaging and thought provoking. It reminded me of my own journey 6-7 years ago when I went through a very painful mid-life crisis that lasted 12-18 months which completely overhauled my life. In my darkest days, learning how to self love (for the first time in 46 years in 2015!?) was the key to my recovery and leading a blissful life now. Everything you said was completely on-point 👍 I practice self-love every single day even if I have to say no to loved ones because the only person who really and properly looks after me is me ..and yes, I managed to find my heart which was buried away in so much external crap that we take to heart..I now have a great heart and brain connection..start and finish with you 👍
Daniel Band
October 11, 2022 at 6:36 pm
a good strandup too
LizCoaches
October 11, 2022 at 6:39 pm
Great pauses Dan. You’re my inspiration!
ArC
October 11, 2022 at 6:56 pm
After using TPH app for even a small period of time and watching him give this talk, it almost feels like I’m watching someone I know. And like with anyone you know, when people were laughing applauding it felt like a huge sigh of relief that wow people are really enjoying this and ofcourse they are because he is amazing !! And I felt joy and am proud of this person and so grateful for everything he has done. If you’re reading this, you made us feel 10% better and you know that’s alot !! Keep going Dan 💚
ZymaPro
October 11, 2022 at 6:57 pm
Doing this 8 min into the talk I almost immediately cried. Alone fighting your own battles doesn’t mean alone if you got your own back and are “active in your own rescue.” I have been shielded from learning all this sort of stuff and became a horribly self hating person while loving and gentle and understanding BOTH since my youth. Since leaving all my family and friends I am on a solo journey to find everything useful to a happy life. Medicinal herbs for proper self care in the kitchen (ginger for nausea). Repeating the same goals and I am statements at bed time and when I wake up. Ice cold baths. Anything that is useful. Philosophy, Buddhist, and well being positive quotes from notible wise people. Anything and everything. This talk adds to that very well. “Worry not for tomorrow. You will face it with the same tools you have that arm you against today.” I hope to eradicate the self hatred in me. I’m hard on myself but like he said… it can be a positive driving inner life coach rather than a spiraling negative flogging.
Gazonkie
October 11, 2022 at 6:59 pm
Excellent. Thank you!!!
Ted Hall
October 11, 2022 at 7:19 pm
Great TED Talk, Dan. I started my meditation journey with the Ten Percent Happier app and continue to use it almost every day. Sharing your journey was vulnerable and illuminating. Thanks for all of the work you to to help all of us to demonstrate more compassion in our daily lives.
Clerisa Varghese
October 11, 2022 at 8:14 pm
Truly enjoyed this talk 🙂
Jade
October 11, 2022 at 9:16 pm
Tom Cardy’s “High-Five” song is strangely relevant to this TED. 😆
Jade
October 11, 2022 at 9:21 pm
“I really want a high-five, and if you give me one I will stop ruining your life”
Bella
October 11, 2022 at 9:22 pm
So this is what Jesus meant when he said love others as you love yourself, because with no self love you have nothing to offer. Mind blowing 😮
Rosie Kaplan
October 11, 2022 at 9:47 pm
Thanks Dan xxxc
EpicFantasyNerd
October 11, 2022 at 10:01 pm
Thank you for being so vulnerable and yourself. I really enjoyed this talk!
Savannah Diego
October 11, 2022 at 10:02 pm
haha good talk
Shlomo Libby
October 12, 2022 at 4:02 am
This is simply brilliant, and timely in my case……
Recently l became serious about my lovingkindness practice.
Nothing much happened-
Except that my life is so much better, and my heart much lighter!
Dan, may you live a life of ease!
New New
October 12, 2022 at 5:27 am
Hay thật sự, cảm ơn Đức Phúc mang cho mình dòng cảm xúc này!
Stephanie Liban
October 12, 2022 at 5:56 am
“Research shows replacing your inner sadistic tyrant with a more supportive inner coach who has high standards but is not a JERK about it, makes you more likely to reach your goal” Do you have the links to the research he mentioned? 🙂
Canadian happy in Italy True Story.
October 12, 2022 at 9:49 am
Dan’s communication of these concepts has lead me on an incredibly positive and impactful journey over these past few years, making things better… inside and out. Thank you
Norborne Preas III
October 12, 2022 at 3:19 pm
Even though it is early in the day, I am confident this is the best 13 minutes I will have today. Thanks!
Mfumo Bamuza
October 12, 2022 at 5:32 pm
Beautiful!
Cliff Libed
October 12, 2022 at 6:56 pm
Epic….mahalo…
Aye Gee
October 12, 2022 at 10:42 pm
This is brilliant, love it.
it’s chloe
October 12, 2022 at 10:59 pm
It is the lack of love that is at the root of our most pressing problems – and that is why we need Jesus.
Karen Sullivan
October 13, 2022 at 1:12 am
Adore!