Nonprofits & Activism
Why children stay silent following sexual violence | Kristin Jones
Visit to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more. Sexual assault is never the victim’s fault, says advocate Kristin Jones. In this courageous talk, she tells her story of overcoming the shame that followed sexual abuse as a teenager — and shares how parents can foster an open…
Nonprofits & Activism
From Prison to Purpose Through Wildland Firefighting | Royal Ramey | TED
When wildfires rage in California, incarcerated people are often on the front lines fighting the flames. TED Fellow Royal Ramey was one of them. He shares the story of how doing public service in prison inspired him to cofound the Forestry and Fire Recruitment Program, a nonprofit helping formerly incarcerated people become wildland firefighters —…
Nonprofits & Activism
The Recipe for a Healthy Climate Starts at the Dinner Table | Anthony Myint | TED
Why aren’t restaurants part of the climate solution? This question inspired chef Anthony Myint to go from opening buzzy pop-ups to pushing for a shift to regenerative farming practices in the food system. He explains how it didn’t go the way he expected at first — and how restaurants are now teaming up with farmers…
Nonprofits & Activism
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Are traditional philanthropy efforts actually taking money from the poor? Former UK Member of Parliament Rory Stewart breaks down why many global development projects waste money on programs that don’t work. He advocates for a radical reversal rooted in evidence: giving unconditional cash transfers directly to those in need, a method that could unlock the…
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I Movies Art Culture
November 13, 2020 at 7:38 pm
This is highly useful and insightful talk and you are very strong woman. May god bless you, we need you to educate this society.
MrMEven
November 13, 2020 at 7:40 pm
Thank you!
Jennifer Isaacs
November 13, 2020 at 7:47 pm
Mental health has to many stigmas too. Do I know it.
Jennifer Isaacs
November 13, 2020 at 7:53 pm
Make laws to prevent child abuse such as forced child marriage to adult rapists …in states that make excuses for abuse. Keep fighting yes but also help other with shelters for those human trafficked male and female. Help all.
Jennifer Isaacs
November 13, 2020 at 7:54 pm
I refuse to be ashamed.
W.A.R.
November 13, 2020 at 7:55 pm
VICTIMS BREED VICTIMS …that’s the unsung truth.
Ash W
November 13, 2020 at 7:58 pm
My mom was abused sexually when she was young..she didn’t tell her parents till their death..and the amount of guilt and shame they felt at the time..she was a victim..and it took toll on me..she never trusted me with anyone ..I had no social contact till my arranged marriage..this is such a vicious cycle..
I have a lot of upper class neighbours…and I see their kids 24/7 with babysitters…and sometimes I wonder..when we bring something into this world..it is our prime responsibility to create secure and safe environment for them…we can’t..can not fail them..their trust..we should be worthy of it..
SurfByShootin
November 13, 2020 at 8:09 pm
When they are powerful people in your government or businesses and they have powerful lawyers is one reason why they stay silent.
mccarraa
November 13, 2020 at 8:13 pm
I told my mother, she told me don’t tell anyone. She protected her husband.
Dhynasah Çakir
November 13, 2020 at 8:32 pm
People in the comments aren’t understanding…everyone is saying that they tell their kids to say no…but the whole point of the video is that is placing the responsibility on the victim! They think if only they had said no more forcefully or if they had been more firm or if they were more violent with their abuser but often times their abuser is stronger and older. Its not the victims responsibility at all. Because they feel responsible they are not speaking up. What we really should do is stop saying all of that. “We should say your body is your own and no one has a right to touch it. And its not your fault if somone violates your boundaries. And I will help you if you come forward and tell me about it”.
Vance
November 13, 2020 at 8:34 pm
Thank you. 🖤
Antoosh
November 13, 2020 at 8:45 pm
During a summer camp when I was around 7 years old, I was molested by a 12 year old boy who had severely deep mental problems. He did not enjoy being at this camp as he missed his mother a lot. I suspect he was also most likely molested, and he decided to share that trauma with his roommate, me. I remember my mother always warned me about “stranger danger”. I’ve never told my mother about the incident until around February of this year, 2020. After the molestation I remember I set and intention to forget it, throw it out of my memory, push it away and pretend it didn’t happen. I recently brought up the topic again to my mother as I had a flash of my childhood traumas come up to the surface. They came up, I stayed present, cried and healed the deepest parts of my unconscious. I can see clearly now how this had an effect on my “tough” personality. Again, it’s the attitude of pretending it never happened and just moving on with your life. On one hand it created a strong character that allowed me to have more faith in situations in my life that are difficult. After all, I’ve already had difficult situations happen to me and I’ve managed to come out the other side still living and continuing with my life. The dark moments always pass and it’s our job to take as many positive aspects of those moments so we can then use them and integrate into our lives for a better future. On the other hand, through watching this video I realized and discovered why I have such a character and why I have a such a drive for self-improvement. It’s like an addiction. I have this constant wanting and needing to be a better person. I constantly want to be the best version of myself and continuously ask and answer questions related to that topic. When I was around 13, I watched a video of “10 Humans with real superpowers”, which HEAVILY resonated with me and I felt greatly inspired to be that kind of “superhero”. This might of stemmed from that experience. That experience created a wounded part of me that needed fixing. The wounded part of the feeling of “not being enough”. And in order to be enough, you need to be the best. For some reason, for me, it manifested as a drive for holistic self-improvement of my spiritual, physical, emotional and mental health.
My step-father experienced a very rough childhood as he was raised in a poor and very chaotic environment. He was born to a orphaned mother who was a part of a family of around dozen children that were deserted by their father. She cycled through multiple foster families. I believe that my step-father developed a similar type of mentality. It manifested itself in a different way though. I think traumas came from the lack of security in the household. My grandfather had to raise 7 kids and take care of his mentally ill wife who was HIGHLY insecure, because of her very rough and sad childhood. This insecurity was definitely spread onto the other kids, including my step-father. He has a trauma of insecurity, and he shows it by constantly obsessing over getting more and more money. Money = security, and the more you have the more you are secure. I think he also has a tendency to push away those emotions that “get in the way” of achieving his goals.
Another thought came across my mind that I’m starting to really believe. I think most people we manifest into our lives that have a strong impact on us are those who share similar traumas that shape our character. Traumas are something that connect us more deeply then other things.
Thank you so much for sharing. I have learned a great deal about trauma through this video. It helped me greatly understand on what we are dealing with and how can we deal with it.
walperstyle
November 13, 2020 at 9:20 pm
ARREST JOE BIDEN FOR HIS ASSAULTS !!!!
izz1982
November 13, 2020 at 9:32 pm
She just summarized my childhood and everything I wish I would have said and most importantly, I wish I could have told my parents, however I knew they wouldn’t believe me. You wake up everyday thinking “Is Something wrong with me”? Years later when I felt confident enough to say something, my moms response was “You let it happen cause you liked it”. Haven’t said anything else since that day. Thanks for this video
RamblingRose
November 13, 2020 at 9:42 pm
My mother told me she would kill anyone who hurt me. Because of that I didn’t tell her, I was afraid she would go to prison.
RamblingRose
November 13, 2020 at 9:44 pm
As an adult I realize my mother would have protected me if she had known. As a child I thought I was protecting her from having to murder someone.
Terry Wheelock
November 13, 2020 at 10:13 pm
It is not just children, all people’s first survival reflex is to withdraw, but we should all be taught to speak out! Simply fear of retaliation!
There is no “statute of limitations” on MURDER, ROBBERY, and RAPE! And, for all of these the penalty should DEATH!
casuarina girl
November 13, 2020 at 10:23 pm
Such amazing insight. Thank you for sharing and educating on such an important subject. Thank you for being so brave 🥰
M. Schmitz
November 13, 2020 at 10:40 pm
Thank you for being so brave to share 🙂
Minna Rose Ahlers
November 13, 2020 at 10:41 pm
In virtually every case of sexual assault the perpetrator has been assaulted many times by his/ own family. It took me years of counselling to realise that this is a cycle which must be broken by bringing up our children as whole people and s mashing the very foundations of Patriarchy and misogyny. Big boys CAN cry when they have been hurt. Big girls CAN play rough and get dirty when they want to. And nothing is ever achieved by locking convicts up and throwing away the key.
Minna Rose Ahlers
November 13, 2020 at 10:48 pm
PS. Congratulations to Kristen for standing up and continuing to campaign against sexual violence. As a survivor I know how hard it is to speak up knowing that this very action will rekindle the same pain and helplessness she experienced as a girl all those years ago.
duma2lupin
November 13, 2020 at 10:53 pm
Wish we could bring back the old punishments for this type of crime
Eko Aryani
November 13, 2020 at 10:53 pm
Thank you for being strong person and share your story that can make people aware how incredible impact of sexual violence for the victim
Autumn Phoenix Gypsy
November 13, 2020 at 11:33 pm
Powerful insight on an epidemic of violence that underpins our depressed and self-destructive society. Thank you for your bravery and courage in sharing your story and shedding light on this purposefully overlooked issue.
Sending you tons of Light Love and Blessings 🙏
Stefan Nikola
November 13, 2020 at 11:41 pm
How does your experience correspond to the ubiquitous Hollywood spirituality and Prosperity Gospel that good things happen to good people and are blessings and bad thing happen to bad people and are punishments? What about psychology’s obsession with archetypes, symbols, and myths and your circumstances and experience? Are you sure you’re not guilty? Didn’t you bring this on yourself? What about men who are sexually abused by their fathers and mothers? Where were religion and spirituality before, during, and after your sexual abuse?
Natalia Janowicz
November 13, 2020 at 11:59 pm
Thank you for that talk. I admire the courage, because I know what it takes not to fall apart during confesing and analysing such a thing. Even more doing so publicly .
Corn Holeium
November 14, 2020 at 12:37 am
I really don’t want to know.
John Lennon
November 14, 2020 at 1:10 am
Your not alone…
Other victims include your Spouse and Children. Years later , Will you divorce and breakup the family or have the ability to take it on and seek help and save your family. They are confused as well and suffer at the hurt in you. You are the glue. You are the spokesperson. Your way bigger than this. To be that intelligent person and approach violation in a way that educates others. This was excellent. Good Job. Your ring indicates you keep your marriage. That you are the glue that binds your loved ones. Dont file D papers…. He Loves You. Love Him More. Never Lie about anything. Their are millions of stories of horrible and unspeakable abuses. One of 4 girls and 1 of 13 boys victimized is way off.
I would believe a figure of 75% or more.. of boys and girls are abused in some manner.
I will delete this soon but wanted you to know. My marriage did not make it when I suffered depression from lack of true love and compassion and told her this while on meds for depression.. She Filed. Nothing I could do to change it. nothing.
My life … Wonderful & I work hard to get my heart back together. Hers …only gets worse by the month. She was forced to have the child. ( Roe vs. Wade ) That 50 year old …child just showed up with big problems and She is deaf. The father killed himself on Christmas eve.
A happy person will smile when I take a photo. Your on the other side. You made it …Smile Peace, Love & Joy to ALL.
npris
November 14, 2020 at 12:13 pm
I admire your courage to come and speak for it. Yes most of perpetrators are not strangers, someone who knew, close to family, or sometimes very trusted by parents and child. Sad reality…
Harshi Patel
November 14, 2020 at 1:25 pm
There are alot of people who get really angry after listening to sexyal assault cases talks or even reading about sexual assault makes us angry but at the very end of the we come to a conclusion and say to ourselves that we can’t to anything now .
TheSankofabird
November 14, 2020 at 1:46 pm
Very important TED talk. Thank you for doing this
Nhi Hảo Vũ Trương
November 14, 2020 at 3:52 pm
Good for english learners
CornOnDaCob
November 14, 2020 at 4:00 pm
I think women these days confuse sexual assault with making bad decisions. Of course, as you grow older, you regret decisions you made as a teen. Just like male teenagers might regret joining a gang or robbing a liquor store when they’re older, that doesn’t excuse the fact that they made a poor decision at that time. There’s rape and that’s terrible, but there are also young girls who do sexual acts for attention or affection or whatever reason, and they regret it later. Tough. That’s life
Akansha Singh
November 14, 2020 at 4:34 pm
I was sexually assaulted for 8 years and I didn’t knew what was happening to me until I completed my school and I didn’t knew it was wrong because I was just 5 at that time and it continued till I was 13 and I totally forget about it growing up but after years once my younger sister told me she had to go through the same for years from same man and I never felt so bad and the worst part is we can’t tell our mom
We still see that mam everyday and die inside.
MrChronicjones
November 15, 2020 at 10:13 pm
Maybe there is someone else safe and trustworthy to share with or ask for advice. Sharing can ease the burden.
Liza Nal
November 14, 2020 at 5:42 pm
Thank you for speaking up🙏🏻
Carey Roberts
November 14, 2020 at 6:22 pm
Well from my experience because adults are selfish, stupid, and useless. My father congratulated me and my mom didn’t even want to hear it. But hey those two humans ignored the fact their kid was autistic because they didn’t want an autistic kid. Neurotypicals are an evolutionary dead end, absolutely useless creatures most of the time.
opps
November 14, 2020 at 7:15 pm
Brave:very.
cat lady
November 14, 2020 at 7:38 pm
My perpetrator was my father. I was 7. It went on until I turned 13. The person who was supposed to protect me didn’t. I didn’t tell anyone until I was in my 30’s. I didn’t tell anyone because people then see you differently. My mother told me in 2012 that I was 7, that’s how I knew what age it started. She knew. She didn’t protect me either. I could never have kids from what he did to me. I had 5 miscarriages. Most kids don’t talk, never tell anyone. I didn’t know it was wrong. I didn’t know to tell. I was told to keep the secret. How does a 7 year old know the difference?? That was 1967. I saw how other families were and couldn’t understand why mine was so different.
Fati Tigilo
November 14, 2020 at 9:47 pm
Hope that whoever structurally ignored your “No!” got the sentence they deserve. It’s tough that it had to take so many years of struggle.
It’s not just shame from the aspect you mention, it’s also shame from society, we teach kids having feelings is bad, listening to these feelings even worse. Even if they engage in completely natural behavior among peers, society pushes this is wrong and they are bad bad bad.
The countless time i was ‘caught’ watching prn or playing with myself and getting punished for it by my parents really made me feel bad a lot of the time, as if i was the only one, weird, disgusting, and couldn’t control myself.
Kathy Dehod
November 14, 2020 at 10:01 pm
All things need balance. For happiness to exist, it must be paid for. No one needs to know who paid for it. Some of us exist to pay that price. Some of us had to wear pants and tuck in long sleeve shirts to make sure that pain was our own. Some us of have to know the worst things a man can do to a boy while taped hockey games blare in the basement. Some of us have to be crushed and cut to pieces for others to get ahead and be happy. Those people who benefit do not need or want to know how it was bought. They deserve to live in the happiness we bought for them.
Others only want to know so they can steal your pain and brandish it as their own. If it seems the world needs a little more happiness, it’s a simple thing to let some back into the world. To feel it run down your skin. No one knows who buys their happiness, and they don’t need or want to. Silence is a gift beyond value.
MrChronicjones
November 15, 2020 at 10:32 pm
Good comment. It’s depressing that both parent and child often choose to shield each other by silence or pretense (e.g. Life is Beautiful (1997)). Regarding the balance of suffering and happiness, don’t forget that it’s often not a zero sum game.
mother ship
November 14, 2020 at 10:39 pm
Thank you so much for this!
gio
November 14, 2020 at 11:12 pm
Can u upload Kesha’s live concert?
Trevor D
November 14, 2020 at 11:35 pm
This is a very strong, but very painful message. I commend you for your courage to talk about this. Too many times this conversation never happens and that is why childhood abuse is still happening. Shame and fear are very powerful motivators, and sadly many people will go to their graves never having dealt with what happened to them.
mustafa Eng
November 15, 2020 at 12:00 pm
Thank you ted group you teach English language and new thoughts about life 😍😍
Teresa Z
November 15, 2020 at 12:47 pm
You are so strong. God knows how hard it is to just get over this. Now you can even talk about this and tell the harsh truth to the f-ked up society. So proud of you
Lab Momof2
November 15, 2020 at 3:07 pm
Keep supporting the radical left, Hollywood – they are normalizing pedophilia and sexual abuse! WTFU! They don’t care about you!
SUJIN BAEK
November 15, 2020 at 3:24 pm
I’m so emphasized with your bravely confession. I couldn’t imagine how you felt and how you overcome…. your life …. But I know you are the most strong people i’ve ever seen.
I also mom and two babies. So I worried lots of dangerous things around us. I’ll trying to keep and be with them. And I’ll remember that’s not your fault…. Thank you.
Decro Facts
November 15, 2020 at 3:44 pm
सिंबल ऑफ नॉलेज और नंबर 1 स्कॉलर के नाम से पूरी दुनिया में किसे जाना जाता है? किसी विद्वान को पता हो तो कृपया रिप्लाई करें।
Who is Considered as ‘Symbol of Knowledge’ and ‘No.1 Scholar’ in the World? If Anybody Knows Then Please Answer in Reply.
Daisy Espinoza
November 15, 2020 at 4:30 pm
I was 8 when I was sexually assaulted. Told my mom and she told me I was dreaming.
Muhammad HAMZA Warraich
November 15, 2020 at 6:06 pm
l was face it at 5 to 6 but l don’t what’s happened to me. I don’t know what is it
Daisy Espinoza
November 15, 2020 at 6:36 pm
@Muhammad HAMZA Warraich trauma. It’s trauma
Muhammad HAMZA Warraich
November 15, 2020 at 6:40 pm
@Daisy Espinoza but unfortunately I didn’t forget that incident…
Daisy Espinoza
November 15, 2020 at 7:23 pm
@Muhammad HAMZA Warraich I don’t think anyone ever does😒
Muhammad HAMZA Warraich
November 16, 2020 at 12:03 am
@Daisy Espinoza actually when someone do it again and again l think it’s usual not bad
kr pratyaksh
November 15, 2020 at 6:54 pm
Hey TED can you pls improve the mic quality???
Simonas Lukošius
November 15, 2020 at 7:26 pm
The more people I have told of my story the less power it has over me, however I found another way to blame myself; how many after me he abused, maybe if I would have done something some other children would have been saved…
But interesting point she brought up, where I thought that I am naturally a perfectionist, yet could have a source… And I like that part of me, it helps in my profession
Reuben Speed
November 15, 2020 at 7:28 pm
Thank you.
Speak Empress
November 15, 2020 at 11:08 pm
Thank you. Yes , yes, yes , yes, yes yes YES. Such an important shift in perspective
katherandefy
November 16, 2020 at 1:48 am
✊ Speak though your voice shakes. Speak out.
Ria Quell
November 16, 2020 at 3:40 am
It was not close enough speak to someone you trust
jatinder saini
November 16, 2020 at 4:47 am
I say I have been traumatized even for that moment I was a teen and watched a small girl groped by relative, God knows what trauma did that poor girl suffer😔
Elousie
November 16, 2020 at 6:38 am
Perhaps it’s also my question, why do I keep silent? So… me too 🙂
Sheldon Brown
November 16, 2020 at 6:56 am
Title is wrong- should read “why, overwhelmingly, Male children stay silent ” . O , and when they seek help from ‘Mandatory Reporters’ they do not receive help. We need to stop looking at one side of the coin. 10 percent of the juvenile detention workers are female, but perpetrate 90%+ of the sexual abuse. Society’s(feminists lobbyists..)solution? Why,just stop reportin the gender of the perpetrators. Cant let it make women look bad, gotta have your priorities straight.
آرمین یزدانی
November 16, 2020 at 8:04 am
She is so brave
Raw Chicken Sandwich
November 16, 2020 at 8:28 am
They stay quiet because they don’t want to tell on grandpa Joe Biden.
sebin varghese
November 16, 2020 at 9:23 am
💯☹️
The Evil That Men Do
November 16, 2020 at 9:59 am
I have been physically and emotionally abused by a number of people. Two years ago, I started diving into psychology. One of the first things that sprang to my mind while I was reading so much was: why on Earth do we have to make changes to our children’s lives when we could stop the abusers outright?
In my original country of 60 million people, there are about 11 million people below 18 years of age.
If I am not mistaken, Cluster B Personality Disorder amounts to around 7-8% of the general population. These are the BIGGEST ABUSERS out there. If we assume that by bundling all the abusers and criminals out there we get to 10% of the general population, then in my country that makes 6 million we have to deal with!
My question is: what is better between curtailing the development of our children or restraining these MONSTERS?
Now here is my backlash to all the mayhem I lived for 45 years. I went to look at my ancestors. There are 3 murderers in line of my dad. And when we arrived to an uncle of my dad, my dad said: this uncle of mine was beating me out of nothing. And I add to this: my dad was also beating me out of nothing with anything he had in his hands, including but not limited to belts, buckles of belts, and once even a piece of wood.
I made it through this and even an attempted murder from a guy the age of my mom when I was only 12 years old. I forgave everyone. But I started dispensing written notes to these CHILDREN OF THE DAMNED saying that in case I hear from anyone else they have abused, I would leave anything I am doing and will stop only when they are secured behind bars. This includes a short lived psychopath of a wife.
NO MERCY FOR ABUSERS OF ANY AGE, COLOR, RACE, and RELIGION.
TanyshkaCandy
November 16, 2020 at 10:15 am
Я возмущена что больше не могу смотреть ваши видео на русском. Значит вы особо не хотите развиваться в мировом русле. Стыд вам и позор.
Alaska Cayden
November 16, 2020 at 10:29 am
I have been in the same boat, I am 25yrs, and have never shared this with anybody at all, not even my mother, leave alone that, even my own biological father passed away without any knowledge about it.
dollcrazy300
November 16, 2020 at 12:45 pm
Why is sexual abuse of children so extremely prevalent? Are abusers (mostly men) insane? Why are people (generally speaking) soooo very insane? It seems that sexual abuse is somehow a part of being human. This makes me wonder if there is something very wrong (even shameful) about being a human being!?!?
Md Hoque
November 16, 2020 at 1:49 pm
I hope people who disliked this video, explained themselves…
Sam ww
November 16, 2020 at 2:59 pm
There is no shame and it wasn t your fault
You You
November 16, 2020 at 3:23 pm
I was molested 3 years ago when I was 12 but I still can’t muster the courage to tell my parents about it.
Catherine Lindley
November 19, 2020 at 9:20 pm
You You, I hope you are able to find someone you feel you can trust with your story of molestation. It is important not to let is just simmer inside of you. All the best!
Goolag Tube
November 16, 2020 at 9:58 pm
Because the worthless democrat institutions that claim that they care about injustice do absolutely nothing for those who’ve actually been abused & encourage victims to stay silent because they care more about keeping their useless govt jobs than actually helping people!
Angela Szabo
November 17, 2020 at 1:46 am
Me too. I didn’t tell anyone for 40 years. I tried to be perfect and lived in fear and anxiety my whole childhood. My perpetrator a family member committed suicide years later.
Anna N
November 27, 2020 at 5:25 pm
Angela, very sorry. 40 years is a long time to have kept that to yourself! I hope you are free of that anxiety in your adult years.
Avery P
November 17, 2020 at 3:40 am
I still haven’t told my parents. My mother’s nephew molested me several times when I was not even 10 years old. I woke up late at night with a stuttering touch, but I couldn’t tell anyone. I know it’s not my fault, but I don’t want my mom to suffer.
M
November 17, 2020 at 4:55 pm
But YOU suffered. I feel exactly what you may feel. Do it for you, for your mental health. Tell someone that you trust. I can’t imagine the pain you’ll be stuck with if you don’t. It truly kills you inside. My brother molested me for 7 years, I told her and she didn’t want to believe me. I can confidently say I’m slowly dyeing inside. Please let someone you trust know. It may hurt your mom but YOURE HER daughter. I’m wishing you an eternity of happiness and peace 🖤
Florin Apostoiu
November 17, 2020 at 11:18 am
“Oh dear God, i am the only person in this Univers who have to work so hard in order to make a living, i am the only person in this Universe who did not eat nothing today, i am the only person in this Universe who does not have a place to sleep tonight……………..!!!!!!!???????????”
Oh shut up…!!
BinarySingularity
November 18, 2020 at 2:40 am
people enable predators because they think it cannot happen or make excuses for said predators.
BinarySingularity
November 18, 2020 at 2:50 am
just remember u are not alone, you are cared for and u matter, and get help, less people stay silent more can be done about this and maybe eventually it’ll be less likely to occur in the future of society without this shame burden attached
the legal system is also twisted as many blatant predators have right to lawyer and lawyer just take money and try to shame or make accuser look bad,/untruthful
Project Samaritan
November 18, 2020 at 3:31 am
Can you believe this is the age we live in.
Where people have lowered themselves into committing such acts.
Such horrific acts that disgust most.
We need to be better.
We need to change this.
But. . . . . . .
I’m afraid it won’t happen sooner or later.
Brooke Bailey
November 20, 2020 at 8:55 am
Totally off topic (and maybe inappropriate in this particular setting) her hand looks swollen like the circulation is getting cut off by that bracelet. Just something I noticed.
Jamy Garcia
November 20, 2020 at 11:51 am
I commend your courage to speak your truth, THE truth.
Deca Rode
November 20, 2020 at 5:58 pm
“Don’t put yourself in situations where you can become the victim “ I HEAR THIS ALL THE TIME. It’s like, if they think we wanted to be in that situation 😐
Anna N
November 27, 2020 at 5:47 pm
That drives me nuts too. It’s those sort of statements that perpetuate kids blaming themselves and feeling shame. Makes me so angry!
Pablo Moreno Cordón
November 20, 2020 at 11:37 pm
Thank you, you are incredible!
Pablo Moreno Cordón
November 20, 2020 at 11:40 pm
We teach children when we should teach some adults…
Kate Snyder
November 21, 2020 at 5:21 pm
I finally told my family after 9 years of hiding it and my mother hasn’t spoken to me since…we’re in the middle of an ongoing trial where she continues to stand by her husband after what he did to me. I’m eventually going to make a video about it for those in a position similar to me, but legally I can’t until the trial is resolved
Ish 13
November 22, 2020 at 10:36 am
Fight for your right. I appreciate your efforts.
Sabel Ahmad
December 3, 2020 at 6:12 pm
Was he your step father?
BlueBird0606
November 22, 2020 at 3:15 am
I told my mom… she told me that if I spoke up that I would get blamed. I was sexually molested when I was 4-5yrs old. I didn’t even remember it until I was 12-13yrs old. I was so traumatized that I blocked it out for years. When I was 21yrs old. I was raped. I didn’t speak up because I knew I would get blamed. I was a virgin. I hate my parents. I hate them so fucking much.
John Adams
November 22, 2020 at 9:35 am
Mrs. Kristin Jones, thank you so much for sharing! I have learned through my years of addiction and recovery that this issue is much more prevalent than anyone can possibly imagine! My reason for viewing this is, by and large, because I know in my future career as a psychotherapist specializing in substance use disorders that I will inevitably be working with many people of whom have experienced the same or similar circumstances as yourself. You have really opened my eyes to a new aftermath of sexual assault having to do with raising the next generation of survivors of survivors of unimaginable trauma and abuse. It is a very real reality that trauma can span generations, but it doesn’t have to. The beginning to the end lies within the recognition of everything you have so eloquently pointed out in this talk. Thank you!!
Dede Rahmadi
November 22, 2020 at 3:18 pm
maybe education of speak up from the sexual assaulted have to increase, in order to catche the perpetrators, and make the others scare to make a violence
Erika Mants
November 23, 2020 at 1:45 pm
Reading the comment section has me heavy – as you said it is very much an issue with society itself. I hope all of us here become free from the shame at some point and shame to those who push us into the darkness even further.
nalini sharma
November 23, 2020 at 3:26 pm
Summary:
1)-shouldn’t make kids “feel SHAME” to get any point home.Shame runs deep in these cases…..
2)- Children can’t control others actions….
3)- .NO,(what is said that we should teach children….) doesn’t always🙄 work….
4)- courage doesn’t mean facing guilt)shame /dark thoughts alone……
alias kurian kunnumel
November 24, 2020 at 2:20 pm
Thanks agen
Suzanne McCann
November 25, 2020 at 12:13 am
Thank you for telling my story and reminding me I’ve no reason to feel shame. Although I am in my sixties now it hasn’t ever gone away …I continue to fight that battle. I feel a little less alone now since hearing you speak.
Suzanne McCann
November 25, 2020 at 12:26 am
After confronting the perpetrator about 15 years later, this child abuser became a lawyer. And I always felt that exposing him would cause shame for my parents ( who had no way to know).
Eventually I did tell them and they did everything they could to be sure other family members stayed safe from this abuser. The worst feeling Is knowing he has continued and will continue harming kids and I can’t stop it.. He enjoys his warped thinking and hurtful actions.
ziggy starborn
November 25, 2020 at 2:17 pm
I am 2 minutes in and I got chills and I’m crying, thank you for sharing, very powerful words. I wish I was brave enough to do the same
Monique M Moore
November 25, 2020 at 5:24 pm
NYLA MOORE 411
Justin Kincaid
November 27, 2020 at 1:06 pm
Because they cannot trust their parents enough to tell them.
Zoltan
November 27, 2020 at 1:06 pm
Because they cannot trust their parents enough to tell them.
Be with u denser Black
November 29, 2020 at 1:34 pm
No idea
Be with u denser Black
November 29, 2020 at 1:34 pm
Come in
jem benton
November 29, 2020 at 7:16 pm
You were so brave and this message is so powerful. I hope this message helps support and inform those who watched it. Thank you for sharing.
Sabel Ahmad
December 3, 2020 at 6:14 pm
I’m just curious to know,
those who were abused by father, was he your step father?
Aaron S
December 11, 2020 at 6:51 pm
What an incredible insight! It never occurred to me before that if we tell our children to say “no,” we may be setting a shame trap for them if they are sexually assaulted in some way. Of course, to NOT say “no” is another unacceptable path.
I was fortunate to not be a victim, but when I became a father, I was deeply concerned that someone might take liberties with my darling son. So I have a couple of thoughts….
First, I would encourage children to say “no” to anything they are uncomfortable with. I would also add that while it could be a stranger…it could also be someone they know very well. So what to do? I have more thoughts….
My wife and I were very careful to not allow our young son to go off alone–unless there was a group of youth. That’s not a perfect solution, of course (see the Boy Scouts), but it changes the odds, I’m sure.
Another thing we taught our son was that NO ONE, except mommy, daddy, or the doctor could see or touch his “wee-wee.” (It’s just easier to tell them things like this when they are very young. ) And even at the doctor’s office, we were always with him–not because we were afraid of the family doctor, but because we needed to hear what the doctor might say or observe.
There is a small group of family that I trust implicitly. For instance, I know my dad would never harm my son, because in a lifetime of I and my siblings being raised in our parents’ home, we never once had anything remotely untoward happen to any of us (which may explain why we are all such daddy’s boys and daddy’s girl–even though our mother is also an absolute treasure).
I don’t want to live in fear. As someone said, “Fear doesn’t stop death. It stops life.” I think that sentiment applies here. I didn’t want to raise a paranoid son, nor did I want to be on eggshells about his safety. So we simply made sure we were either with him (as unobtrusively as possible) or that he was with people we fully trusted, or with a group of kids. No perfect, but about the best I knew to do.
No, about shame (or anger, etc.) In 9th grade, we were playing four-square at Phys. Ed. One of my fellow students butted me. I said something. He punched me in the jaw. We were not permitted to fight growing up. And while I trust that the punch did no lasting damage to me (I don’t know that I even felt it, such was the shock of him doing that), every now and then, I think back and wish….
I wish that, if nothing else, I had told on the guy (yeah, I know–that’s a little passe by 9th grade).
I wish I had just body-slammed him (which might have made things worse for me, since he likely had friends).
On and on, I can roll the tape and hope for a different outcome.
Long story short: Sometimes you just have to be resilient. Bad things are going to happen. You didn’t give them permission to happen. You didn’t want them to happen. They happened anyway.
I’m not the same guy I was in 9th grade. I’d probably serve up some retribution now, but I don’t want to be that way. I think I’d rather be the boy who got punched, but took it and moved on. A fight might have set me on a course for a life filled with regrets. Fortunately, as the song says, “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention.” So if taking that punch kept me off a path that might have led to a darker outcome for my life, I’m good with that.
Besides, I like to think that guy (I have no idea who he was), in time, perhaps recalled some of his coarser actions…and made some changes. It might have been bad for both of us if I’d have struck back.
I am ABSOLUTELY NOT SAYING that a child shouldn’t defend themselves. I’m just saying, as the Bible says, “It is impossible but that offenses may come.” Bad things are going to hit us at times. If not sexual assault, something else. Sometimes, you have to rise above it.
And THAT may be the key thing that we have to tell, teach, and model for our children.
Again, though, what an incredible, breakthrough insight into the possible consequences of acting like a child has the agency or authority to stop an older, stronger person from doing something rotten.
tia lily xo
December 21, 2020 at 2:15 pm
this woman is so strong, you can see the hurt in her eyes but she’s holding it together. what an incredible lady