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Why Love Is Harder in a Second Language | Magdalena Hoeller | TED

Saying “I love you” often feels more meaningful in your first language than in any other language you learn later in life, explains linguist and polyglot Magdalena Hoeller. Unpacking the hidden challenges of intercultural relationships — from language barriers and humor gaps to subtle power dynamics — she shares how couples can turn these struggles…

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Saying “I love you” often feels more meaningful in your first language than in any other language you learn later in life, explains linguist and polyglot Magdalena Hoeller. Unpacking the hidden challenges of intercultural relationships — from language barriers and humor gaps to subtle power dynamics — she shares how couples can turn these struggles into opportunities to grow closer. (Recorded at TEDxCooks Hill on October 19, 2024)

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51 Comments

  1. @felix-antoinepigeon3814

    July 28, 2025 at 11:02 am

    First

    • @HamsterClamper

      July 28, 2025 at 2:18 pm

      Your parents must be so proud

  2. @PayelHossain-w7i

    July 28, 2025 at 11:03 am

    5

  3. @FiestyFighter

    July 28, 2025 at 11:04 am

    I SEE NO PEOPLE NAMED TED
    THIS IS A SCAM 😭😭😭

    😂😂😂

    • @BonnieShadow33

      July 28, 2025 at 11:30 am

      That isn’t as funny as you think it is.

  4. @Iftimiamamaclayay

    July 28, 2025 at 11:05 am

    Keep up the good work! Your ideas are always so fresh and original.😊🤸‍🏠

  5. @Eva-f9y4v

    July 28, 2025 at 11:05 am

    Thank you for the bright and high quality videos. Your talent consistently pleases viewers.👅🌌💽

  6. @maje9448

    July 28, 2025 at 11:11 am

    repetitive

  7. @vishalkumar-ze8mz

    July 28, 2025 at 11:12 am

    🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤

  8. @udoyxyz

    July 28, 2025 at 11:17 am

    What’s that C word? there are so many of them. Come on now I can’t sleep.

    • @arrasyidsiddiqradiyansah6438

      July 28, 2025 at 10:17 pm

      Uppp

  9. @Grunzelot-lässt-grüssen

    July 28, 2025 at 11:26 am

    I Think it’s a beautiful way / opportunity to learn how to talk “beyond” spoken language. Feelings, Mimics, Gestures, being attentive etc. And talkwise focus on learning how to put “complicated situations in ourselfes” into “easy” phrases. Because the more you get to know yourself the easier it gets to express yourself. The less words you’ll need. Now if you work together as a team on this … voila. (For same languages also…)

    • @mart13056

      July 29, 2025 at 6:34 am

      You’d have to make sure that you only use universal gestures!

  10. @rotemmenachemi2858

    July 28, 2025 at 11:30 am

    Ich bin in Deutschland leztes Jahr umgezogen, ich spreche noch nicht genung Deutsch, ich kann mit leute nicht erlich retten, so ich fühle was Sie sagen jeden Tag, vielen Dank, dass du hast, genauso was ich fühlte dieses ganzes Jahr gesagt.
    Sorry for the bad German, still learning🙃

    • @AyselYusifli-uq5tc

      July 29, 2025 at 5:34 pm

      Du schaffst das!!! 🎉Viel Erfolg in deinem neuen Leben und viel Spaß beim Lernen.(ich kann die deutsche Sprache auch nicht hervorragend sprechen)

  11. @BonnieShadow33

    July 28, 2025 at 11:33 am

    My sister is an American, and she married a Mexican. At times they lived in the US, but they’ve been in Mexico for over 10 yrs now. I think on some level I was aware of a few ways this has affected their relationship, but now I have a much better understanding. I’m going to send this video to her. 🙃

  12. @JamesHeller-k4n

    July 28, 2025 at 12:00 pm

    that was an awesome video!! Well done Magdalena

  13. @user_user1337

    July 28, 2025 at 12:02 pm

    It is “I ha Di gärn.” for me, being Swiss German.
    She could have a point.

  14. @rezarafiie

    July 28, 2025 at 12:40 pm

    It’s a truly amazing talk. I always think about how relationships work in different languages ?

  15. @mbergamin16

    July 28, 2025 at 1:50 pm

    Rip TED

  16. @HamsterClamper

    July 28, 2025 at 2:21 pm

    I am bilingual English-French, my wife is Brazilian. We never argue because… well, we can’t🤷‍♂️ We go away and think about how we might express our frustration, and this additional time we have to give ourselves makes us realise that actually it’s all really quite silly and unnecessary😊

  17. @BobWangwenyi23

    July 28, 2025 at 2:44 pm

    Very true, has she ever published any articles/books on this?

  18. @ratulislam4465

    July 28, 2025 at 3:09 pm

    Nice ❤

  19. @xsylvianexos5852

    July 28, 2025 at 4:42 pm

    Interesting discussion. Of course we know all too many couples who have the same lingua franca and yet seem to speak completely different languages. Is it even possible to flawlessly communicate even with the person you love the most?

    • @Drakelett

      July 28, 2025 at 6:34 pm

      Language is a proxy for thoughts and feelings and emotions. Even in the same language, there will be problems. You could argue that having two languages, having the “excuse” of expected misunderstanding, can force people to be more open, more accepting, more patient, more thoughtful.

  20. @todaycountsshow

    July 28, 2025 at 10:06 pm

    Beautifully insightful and relatable. A powerful reminder that love isn’t just about language—it’s about connection. 💬❤

  21. @abinashsahoo3239

    July 28, 2025 at 11:13 pm

    It’s a gossip level ted talk.

  22. @XandriaRavenheart

    July 29, 2025 at 12:33 am

    My girlfriend is Chinese girlfriend and I’m a non-native speaker of English, my girlfriend has actually said we have less arguments as we communicate in English, as being sarcastic or giving that offhanded mean quip is much more easier for her to do in her Mandarin. Whereas she really needs to think about it in English, so she would rather not argue in the first place.

    • @Sironil

      July 29, 2025 at 5:29 am

      That’s interesting. I’m (Dutch speaking) with a vietnamese woman. We communicate in English.
      I think it might be a bit different when both speak their second language vs what she talked about.
      Non-verbal communication, playfulness become more important.

  23. @SoundofSovannaphum

    July 29, 2025 at 1:52 am

    My Ex speaks three languages, English, Russian and lies

    • @couranbell

      July 29, 2025 at 10:04 am

      wouldn’t be wonder if his mother tongue is Russian

    • @bunnykrogslund5838

      July 30, 2025 at 3:34 pm

      😮😊😊

  24. @georgehegarty7277

    July 29, 2025 at 4:52 am

    It’s romantic feeling not real love

  25. @구본철-g2w

    July 29, 2025 at 7:21 am

    Love is also hard in my first language😢

  26. @samuelzev4076

    July 29, 2025 at 9:10 am

    Just be multilingual and you will be easy to connect with anyone

  27. @FatemehBalafkan

    July 29, 2025 at 9:49 am

    Great ideas! An interesting point in relationships in a second language is that you have to think logically about your issue before argument and that really makes a difference

  28. @TienLe-rz7sv

    July 29, 2025 at 11:39 am

    like

  29. @carlosnugraha9993

    July 30, 2025 at 12:40 am

    I clicked this video simply because a beautiful young lady talk about love.

  30. @TheO835

    July 30, 2025 at 2:49 am

    Amazing!!

  31. @Bergstromoliver

    July 30, 2025 at 7:15 am

    Thank you, Magdalena H!

  32. @AmolSheshbhare

    July 30, 2025 at 7:30 am

    60% population is considered bilingual

  33. @thebrainy

    July 30, 2025 at 10:19 am

    problem on this page is that you post tedx videos also.. for which we have not subscribed..

  34. @maximocruse

    July 30, 2025 at 7:10 pm

    Man if you want her to be obsessed read Women Brain 101 by Merek Hollan and flip the script completely

  35. @forresteller

    July 30, 2025 at 7:10 pm

    she used to be cold now she’s the one asking to hang out… Women Brain 101 by Merek Hollan cracked the code

  36. @averydelatorre-q3i

    July 30, 2025 at 7:10 pm

    this girl was playing games with me for weeks until i read Women Brain 101 by Merek Hollan now she’s completely transparent and honest

  37. @jasperkelleher

    July 30, 2025 at 7:10 pm

    now when she plays games i don’t react i just use what Women Brain 101 by Merek Hollan taught me and she melts

  38. @garymcarthur-h1t

    July 30, 2025 at 7:11 pm

    dude stop chasing and start attracting Women Brain 101 by Merek Hollan teaches you the psychology behind it

  39. @earlfong-p2f

    July 30, 2025 at 7:11 pm

    i went from friend zone to her calling me daddy in 2 weeks Women Brain 101 by Merek Hollan is dangerous knowledge

  40. @brendanschuster-f9x

    July 30, 2025 at 7:11 pm

    Man if you want her to be obsessed read Women Brain 101 by Merek Hollan and flip the script completely

  41. @rodolfofeller

    July 30, 2025 at 7:12 pm

    Man if you want her to be obsessed read Women Brain 101 by Merek Hollan and flip the script completely

  42. @jonathonthigpen-l7n

    July 30, 2025 at 7:12 pm

    she used to be cold now she’s the one asking to hang out… Women Brain 101 by Merek Hollan cracked the code

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