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Why I Gave My Teenage Daughter a Vibrator | Robin Buckley | TED

“Why does a vibrator make us uncomfortable, but Viagra does not?” asks cognitive-behavioral coach Robin Buckley. Sharing her own personal story of empowering her teenage daughter to explore the power of pleasure, Buckley encourages parents to talk to their teens about healthy sexual development — and shares why the awkward conversations are worth it. If…

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“Why does a vibrator make us uncomfortable, but Viagra does not?” asks cognitive-behavioral coach Robin Buckley. Sharing her own personal story of empowering her teenage daughter to explore the power of pleasure, Buckley encourages parents to talk to their teens about healthy sexual development — and shares why the awkward conversations are worth it.

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111 Comments

111 Comments

  1. Thoopsy

    September 28, 2023 at 2:31 pm

    My mom turned to me one day and said, “Wait, you can’t drive, and it’s awkward to bring up. Do you want a vibrator?” She then proceeded to show me hers, and ask if it looked reasonable. It was a pretty funny conversation, but I’m glad we had it because I would’ve bought a cheap one but she knows what actually works!

  2. dyhppyx

    September 28, 2023 at 3:03 pm

    You’re awesome

  3. Akira

    September 28, 2023 at 3:03 pm

    There are theories that redheads tend to be more s3xual so i guess it makes sense.

  4. Sebin Sebastian

    September 28, 2023 at 3:14 pm

    Her husband be like : honey what was the topic today? (Background, Birds peacefully making chirping sound)
    After 2 seconds Birds flying 😂😂

  5. GreenfirePhoenix

    September 28, 2023 at 3:18 pm

    it’s funny to read the comments and see most of the women loving this and most of the men haaating it LMAO

  6. Yacoub Bo Abbas

    September 28, 2023 at 3:19 pm

    Should of got her a husband 👍

    • Thoopsy

      September 28, 2023 at 3:51 pm

      At 14?! Nobody should get married at 14!!!

  7. Pond Hollow Orchards

    September 28, 2023 at 3:24 pm

    Corrupting the youth the devil is proud

  8. Pond Hollow Orchards

    September 28, 2023 at 3:25 pm

    This experience is supposed to be shared with another individual, this world is not about self pleasure

    • Vashti Perry

      September 28, 2023 at 4:07 pm

      🤦🏽‍♀️ wild.

  9. David

    September 28, 2023 at 3:32 pm

    I miss propriety.

  10. mahsa khalafvand

    September 28, 2023 at 3:50 pm

    Please enable Persian translate

  11. Alien

    September 28, 2023 at 3:58 pm

    Came here just for the comments lol. Did not expect to see this in my feed but sure, why not. Gotta have that talk pr your kids might do something dumb 😂

  12. Female is Supreme

    September 28, 2023 at 4:01 pm

    Sexualizing children is not “empowering”.

  13. Ajay

    September 28, 2023 at 4:25 pm

    Humanity should put effort to pursue empowerments of both sexes equally, without discrimination.

    • Kate

      September 28, 2023 at 5:10 pm

      Bet you have one of those calendars with muscle cars and practically nude women on the hoods.

  14. Bob H

    September 28, 2023 at 4:38 pm

    A real mom would have bought her a sybian…

  15. Mason

    September 28, 2023 at 4:47 pm

    Why

  16. adh__d ominick

    September 28, 2023 at 4:59 pm

    Looking forward to the Ted talk on why we should give our sons prostitutes for their 14th birthday

  17. Stan Bucasas

    September 28, 2023 at 5:16 pm

    You can talk about this nonsense but basically censor coleman Hughes by bowing down to emotionally stunted individuals and groups.

  18. MotorheadOne

    September 28, 2023 at 5:29 pm

    a trans ?

  19. Dwight

    September 28, 2023 at 5:32 pm

    Nice advertising of vibrators. Sponsors never fail to cross the limits. Crazy times.

  20. Frank Agora

    September 28, 2023 at 5:56 pm

    To teach her that authentic relationships with men can be undermined and replaced by a $15 electronic device?

  21. Hi it's me

    September 28, 2023 at 6:41 pm

    This talk makes men in the comments uncomfortable because they know if a girl starts learning about what she wants she will expect more from them.

  22. ahmedp800

    September 28, 2023 at 6:49 pm

    4:22 Let me guess, a cucumber? 🥒

  23. Serena Berneschi

    September 28, 2023 at 7:12 pm

    One of the best talks ever! It’s so important talking of these topics. THANKS!

  24. keith Mutamba

    September 28, 2023 at 8:16 pm

    Why I introduced my son to Lana Rhoades

    • TheOkayestGamer

      September 28, 2023 at 8:22 pm

      Repent.

  25. DesertPigeon

    September 28, 2023 at 8:34 pm

    wtf has Ted Talk become….

  26. Yithmaster

    September 29, 2023 at 12:28 am

    Ah yes the result of winning WW2

    • Paul Johnson

      September 29, 2023 at 6:07 am

      Like Good times at Ridgemont High

  27. Trivial Saga

    September 29, 2023 at 12:55 am

    Really lost all respect for ted talks. Most of them (including this one) are just trash.

    • Trivial Saga

      September 29, 2023 at 10:38 am

      @Georg Plaz I did.

    • Georg Plaz

      September 29, 2023 at 10:43 am

      @Trivial Saga so why did you think the video was trash?

  28. Justin Gill

    September 29, 2023 at 2:07 am

    This is why our society is dying. We deserve it.

    • justrosy5

      September 29, 2023 at 3:32 am

      LOL! Yep. All other objections I have aside, this Mom is using her 13 year old daughter to get attention for herself. I think that’s about the most narcissistic thing I’ve seen a Mom do in a long time. It’s amazing how narcs fly under everyone’s radars so easily…

    • Internet Hobo

      September 29, 2023 at 12:34 pm

      @justrosy5 What’s actually narcissistic is not listening to another person’s reasonable perspective. 😅 You’re being arrogant and ignorant if you think you can diagnose someone so easily.

      “It’s amazing how” many melodramatic jerks avoid giving any indication they watched the video, got upset at a title, and started lying about abusive behavior. 🤦‍♂

  29. badger14

    September 29, 2023 at 2:14 am

    Tf is this 😂😂

    • Georg Plaz

      September 29, 2023 at 3:49 am

      have you watched the video?

  30. .x.

    September 29, 2023 at 2:43 am

    Good Mom.

    • .x.

      September 29, 2023 at 2:45 am

      Made me cry…

  31. None of your Damn Business

    September 29, 2023 at 3:34 am

    *WTF 🤮🤦🏽‍♀️Indoctrination program = TED*

    • Georg Plaz

      September 29, 2023 at 3:48 am

      what exactly about the video did you not like?

  32. Sharty Spice

    September 29, 2023 at 3:35 am

    Sister-friend burnt dat vibe OUT! Requiring replacement. Buzzzzzzzzzzz

    • justrosy5

      September 29, 2023 at 5:28 am

      Love the joke! Just not that it’s about a poor 13 year old CHILD. Maybe save it for the adults-only section???

    • Internet Hobo

      September 29, 2023 at 7:13 am

      ​@justrosy5 Educated people can talk and joke about sexual health. Turing 18 doesn’t make you sound less ignorant: it means you’re pretending to be a child in your head, that you aren’t listening, and you’re probably weird around kids 😓

  33. A2Z

    September 29, 2023 at 4:22 am

    georgplaz – Take a look at his profile pic. Noah Berlatsky vibes.
    Quote:
    _”as someone who has worked a lot with kids, I think it’s best to signal to her that you are open to talk about anything, but let her come with the topics to you on her own.

    and don’t be worried about her getting addicted to masturbation. its so rare for people to develop addictive sexual behaviour and it usually stems from a childhood in which they were not able to get their sexual needs met (like masturbation)”_

  34. Elia

    September 29, 2023 at 4:36 am

    That’s as harmful as making it a taboo. It’s just the other extreme of repression, the other face of the same coin. One-dimensional approaches will always lead to distorted outcomes. It is always the middle way that is the answer to any question in life.

    The middle way in this demand is simply enriching children’s birthright of freedom to be left alone to their ultimate spontaneity. Imposing any concept on a child is constraining, let alone reducing a child to be functioning through their reptile brain instead of enriching and opening doors for more prefrontal cortex engagement.
    It is nice to have genuine transparency in listening to and answering their questions making them aware of the safest ways to approach any issue in life, but we always have to remember that that child could be the next Marie Curie or Nicola Tesla. It’s always better to let them be.

    • justrosy5

      September 29, 2023 at 5:02 am

      This was just outright child abuse. See my other comments to understand that statement.

  35. Jovan

    September 29, 2023 at 5:01 am

    0:04: 🔌 A mother discusses her decision to buy her teenage daughter a vibrator and the importance of empowering teenage girls to learn about their bodies and embrace their right to pleasure.
    4:40: 🔍 A mother learns that her daughter is masturbating unsafely and decides to buy her a vibrator to support her in the safe exploration of her body.
    8:12: ! The importance of sexual pleasure for women and the impact it can have on their lives.
    Recap by Tammy AI

    • Chris Lee

      September 29, 2023 at 5:58 am

      Thanks for saving my time! amazing summary with lovely time stamps! where you get this Tammy AI?

    • Internet Hobo

      September 29, 2023 at 7:08 am

      So Tammy AI is a bot that creates fake likes. Wow, what garbage use of AI, I’m guessing you wrote the comment yourself? 🤷‍♂

    • Lexx Effectual

      September 29, 2023 at 4:15 pm

      @Internet Hobo From the Tammy AI FAQ: “Tammy AI is an advanced B2C platform. Unlock a world of possibilities with our suite of AI-powered products, including innovative Basic Summary, Pro Summary, Chat QnA, Explore and My Library.”

    • Internet Hobo

      September 29, 2023 at 5:09 pm

      @Lexx Effectual So is it a botter using AI, or is botting views a “feature?”

  36. eVOLVINGmALE

    September 29, 2023 at 6:08 am

    democrats

  37. Alias

    September 29, 2023 at 8:01 am

    Wait a minute… this isn’t PornHub! 🤦

  38. Funnysterste

    September 29, 2023 at 8:02 am

    The bible sez: Sex is bad.

  39. David Boson

    September 29, 2023 at 9:29 am

    um so she doesnt need to ask for one on her wish list on one of the hundreds of cam sites?

  40. Scarlett Bittle

    September 29, 2023 at 10:02 am

    To anyone that is commenting negatively. You don’t get it. You didn’t listen to the talk. And you should.

  41. WaaDoku 【和ァ独】

    September 29, 2023 at 10:28 am

    Depends on the relationship between mother and daughter but I can see a version of this when buying toys like that for your daughter would actually lead to more unsafe behavior, not less.

  42. Souri Nejad

    September 29, 2023 at 10:49 am

    Ridicules speech

  43. Alejandro Curado

    September 29, 2023 at 11:19 am

    “Because girls are not supposed to think about sex” (most adults and all religious people would say). And yet, we all know what sexual repression can do in those conservative macho-oriented circles

    • Lexx Effectual

      September 29, 2023 at 4:53 pm

      THIS! Thank you! Denial enables abuse. We so desperately need to talk about sexuality, especially with people who are inexperienced. They need to be able to identify abuse when it happens.

  44. Jan M

    September 29, 2023 at 12:14 pm

    Such a wise woman….

  45. Elwit Kauesa

    September 29, 2023 at 12:17 pm

    👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

  46. white lies

    September 29, 2023 at 2:16 pm

    Thank you for such an educational talk.

  47. Danielle Evans

    September 29, 2023 at 2:25 pm

    As someone who was raised in shame about sexuality, and screamed at for being the slightest bit curious, watching this was very healing. Thank you.

    • Ramzi Chouk

      September 29, 2023 at 6:09 pm

      Sexuality is ok when you’re married, you’re referring to hedonism and degeneracy

  48. OMG BeCkY

    September 29, 2023 at 2:26 pm

    Well we know who’ll be getting a bunch of Class D batteries as stocking stuffers this Christmas!

  49. jessica baker

    September 29, 2023 at 6:13 pm

    SLAYYYY

  50. Katie Shields

    September 29, 2023 at 7:32 pm

    Llp

  51. Nice guitar

    September 29, 2023 at 10:45 pm

    A bunch of perverts, it would be infuriating if it wasn’t so tragic

  52. cuddleslol

    September 29, 2023 at 10:51 pm

    So so so excellent

  53. bassbyrdtx

    September 29, 2023 at 11:08 pm

    be careful, she could get V.D.- vibrator dependency.
    .
    seriously, though- good for you! Your daughter will have healthier relationships later in life because of your willingness to tackle an awkward topic.

  54. Richard Meinzer

    September 30, 2023 at 12:59 am

    This is where the entire aberration of left-wing thinking becomes apparent…

  55. DrBNNC

    September 30, 2023 at 5:17 am

    Turns out this video is one of the best things ever put on the World Wide Web.
    Thanks TED.
    Share.

  56. Silvia Acquapendente

    September 30, 2023 at 7:48 am

    Loved this speech! So inspiring! thank You! <3

  57. Jahongir Ummatov

    September 30, 2023 at 7:53 am

    Astagʻfirulloh no idea

  58. Wayne

    September 30, 2023 at 9:33 am

    She is surely a single mother.

  59. Black cat

    September 30, 2023 at 9:58 am

    The idea may be good, but I am confused by the fact that they advise giving vibrators to virgin girls, so that they deprive themselves of their virginity? Is it no longer fashionable to do this with a man at the right age? But won’t this, on the contrary, lead to even greater promiscuity of the younger generation?

  60. James Wyman

    September 30, 2023 at 10:44 am

    I thought i was going to be completely against your message after you said you got your daughter a vibrator. I was proven wrong and im glad i listened to the rest of your speech. I think they need help to know the value of their body and not throw themselves at anyone who shows any interest.

    • J Ray

      September 30, 2023 at 2:52 pm

      How about having a father at home that shows her how a proper male/female interaction should be conducted?

    • Internet Hobo

      October 1, 2023 at 11:28 am

      @J Ray RIP homophobic bigotry. Also, that sounds like you want to diddle little girls and/or don’t trust women, pretty gross. 😓

  61. Tim Flelter

    September 30, 2023 at 11:36 am

    This is the Mom version of Adam22

  62. FerRR

    September 30, 2023 at 11:57 am

    Everyday we stray farther from god

  63. Lou M L

    September 30, 2023 at 2:26 pm

    Daughter – Mom, I broke my vibrator, can you get me a new one?

    Mom – Sure, what color?

    • Rupesh Jaiswal

      October 1, 2023 at 2:37 am

      I didn’t know colours are in option. I’ve only seen pink.

  64. Cam Lee

    September 30, 2023 at 9:02 pm

    Just because people pervert their lust and cravings doesn’t mean it’s ok for everyone

  65. Apni jhagiyan

    October 1, 2023 at 5:36 am

    Why my father gave me toy. A ted talk improvement

  66. Gabriel Michael

    October 1, 2023 at 6:18 am

    If you leave God’s words you will be in danger. Life is short. Eternal life is forever. Don’t leave Jesus Christ please.

  67. SkyRiderJavelin

    October 1, 2023 at 7:20 am

    Ted Talks have become ridiculous, who gives a stuff about vibrators. Ted Talks used to really interesting you could watch them for hours and hours. Now its all about the boring woke left wing agenda and opinions of opinion, just dribble.

  68. 有點得意的小盒子

    October 1, 2023 at 1:19 pm

    I’m just here for my weekly assessment of English listening practice and I see this

    • Ráguia

      October 1, 2023 at 10:40 pm

      Same

    • myparcel tape

      October 5, 2023 at 9:49 am

      Communication with style.

  69. Andy Nichols

    October 1, 2023 at 8:15 pm

    THIS NEEDS TO BE SEEN BY EVERYONE

  70. musicismagic

    October 1, 2023 at 8:33 pm

    Bigger question- why discuss something private to her-,on the internet? That seems more perplexing.

  71. BRIEZevents

    October 2, 2023 at 3:20 am

    Europeans will never be the same with Africans

  72. Make Love Go Viral

    October 2, 2023 at 7:33 am

    Breast check isn’t same as masturbation. Masturbation is wrong.

  73. Conkeen

    October 2, 2023 at 11:27 am

    Cool, child seduction isn’t an issue if you’re a mom.

  74. Michael O

    October 2, 2023 at 12:31 pm

    WOW‼️ I absolutely love this segment. In the age we’re in now it still amazes me that women sexuality is still a taboo.

    AWSOME segment.

  75. Michael O

    October 2, 2023 at 12:31 pm

    WOW‼️ I absolutely love this segment. In the age we’re in now it still amazes me that a females sexuality is still a taboo.

    AWSOME segment.

  76. George Pupe

    October 2, 2023 at 11:27 pm

    You people need to slow down. Your society has gone off the rails.

  77. Goddessvenom

    October 3, 2023 at 2:34 am

    Fingers, there’s nothing wrong with fingers🤦🏽‍♀️
    Also they’re free an safer. I don’t know I guess I’ve just never liked the idea of something artificial, gotta be the real deal 🤷🏽‍♀️

  78. Kamran Karim

    October 3, 2023 at 4:32 am

    You gave a best lesson it is very important to make such connection with your parents so you could share anything comfortably

  79. DM

    October 3, 2023 at 9:57 pm

    Wat

  80. EditingKat

    October 3, 2023 at 10:35 pm

    Ok

  81. akeem Brown

    October 4, 2023 at 5:43 am

    So someone else doesn’t

  82. inesalag

    October 4, 2023 at 2:55 pm

    And what should i buy my teenage boys?

    • myparcel tape

      October 5, 2023 at 9:47 am

      Most of them have hands that are more flexible and adaptable than their toys.
      If they are physically able they will learn what their bodies can do and if they know you will answer them with your acquired knowledge, they will respect you.

  83. Aspartame Kills, ya know?

    October 5, 2023 at 10:14 am

    What’s next lesson, starting an OnlyFans?

  84. Mark Mcdougal

    October 5, 2023 at 1:33 pm

    Sooooo well said. I hope this vid goes viral.

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