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Why Change Is So Scary — and How to Unlock Its Potential | Maya Shankar | TED

Unexpected change like an accident, an illness or a relationship that suddenly ends is inevitable — and disorienting. With a heartfelt and optimistic take on life’s curveballs, cognitive scientist Maya Shankar shares how these challenging moments can inspire transformation, offering three questions to ask when facing uncertainty, so you can let go of rigidity and…

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Unexpected change like an accident, an illness or a relationship that suddenly ends is inevitable — and disorienting. With a heartfelt and optimistic take on life’s curveballs, cognitive scientist Maya Shankar shares how these challenging moments can inspire transformation, offering three questions to ask when facing uncertainty, so you can let go of rigidity and embrace change.

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57 Comments

57 Comments

  1. mentalhaxx

    July 25, 2023 at 11:50 am

    Wow this is right on time

    • Sid

      July 25, 2023 at 5:16 pm

      Compared to what else exactly ? 😂

  2. stop worrying!

    July 25, 2023 at 11:53 am

    I like how she laughs while speaking❤

  3. Igye sonnen

    July 25, 2023 at 11:54 am

    Last to comment😂

  4. David Helton

    July 25, 2023 at 11:56 am

    You mean like losing personal freedoms and physical life itself. Unexpected change is usually brought on by evil people. Change does suck, but it’s always bad change instead of good or better.

  5. JA

    July 25, 2023 at 11:59 am

    🌻 0:19

  6. akash panchbudhe

    July 25, 2023 at 12:03 pm

    Was hearing her on huber man lab this evening about identity and goals and now this one

  7. abdirizak mohamed

    July 25, 2023 at 12:05 pm

    change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous in the end.

    • Sid

      July 25, 2023 at 5:14 pm

      🤡

    • Nor Liani

      July 26, 2023 at 9:53 am

      Bruh you’re right

    • YPJ House

      July 26, 2023 at 12:00 pm

      ❤❤

  8. Sijabulisiwe Mkhize

    July 25, 2023 at 12:17 pm

    Thanks for this. it hit home, i needed it 🥺❤️

    • Sid

      July 25, 2023 at 5:16 pm

      I bet you did 😂

  9. hao hao

    July 25, 2023 at 12:48 pm

    I suggest this woman to find a Chinese herb doctor to adjust her body energy so she can have baby, some women can’t have baby because their womb too “cold”.

    • Donna Woodford

      July 25, 2023 at 1:40 pm

      …OR adopt. Nothing wrong with giving a loving home to a child, and ‘mothering’ in that fashion. OR consider being a foster parent to one or more, volunteering at a group home in your community, assisting in after-school activities, helping with Scouts, Boys & Girls Club, offer respite care to deployed military families, etc. Don’t blindly limit yourself to just one traditional way to mother without exploring other possibilities that may give great satisfaction to yourself and others.

  10. Hà My Lê

    July 25, 2023 at 1:02 pm

    I’ve been through all three questions, and I confirm it’s really a life-changing experience. For many years, I have sticked my identity with relationships and career. Then when these targets went wrong, I feel like I lost my identity. Until I learned that both relationship and career are just the way I define my capability, and it gets me anxious all the time. Obviously, not people or career hold me back. It is low self-esteem that takes my confidence away. By challenging my identity, I find out the true “why”. Now I focus more on what I’m capable of, rather than let outer factors define myself.

  11. Fio

    July 25, 2023 at 2:32 pm

    Omg she looks like the Melissa from pretty little liars but indian 😱😱😱

    • Pia. Vode

      July 26, 2023 at 4:36 pm

      Omg yesss

  12. Christopher Lotierzo

    July 25, 2023 at 2:43 pm

    Soo beautiful!! Every change brings new beginnings. Just like the world evolves. We as people need to be able to evolve. It helps to be patient with yourself. It starts with you! God is able to exceedingly great things when your open to letting God into your everyday life. He is love and has absolute mercy for anything one is going threw. He is full of grace and his arms are always open when you except him into your heart. He will be the reason you get threw everything. I pray this helps someone. Even one person!! In Jesus Mighty Name! Amen!

  13. Steve Muratore

    July 25, 2023 at 5:20 pm

    Amor FATI! ✊

  14. Evan Li

    July 25, 2023 at 5:38 pm

    This is unrelated, but I can’t stop laughing at the idea of making a “five year plan” for personal things, it gives off the energy of communist bureaucracy so much

  15. Samuel Oguntoye

    July 25, 2023 at 5:43 pm

    Here from “a slight change of plans”😊

  16. Valentin Gao

    July 25, 2023 at 5:52 pm

    This video was great, one particular thing that resonated with me was how our pursuits do not define who we are but rather why we do it could be. Have blessed and wonderful day.

  17. Cindy Halpern

    July 25, 2023 at 6:00 pm

    You can do artificial Insemination. You might adopt.
    And no blind person will tell you truthfully that regaining sight wouldn’t be wonderful.

    • vocal_Lilly

      July 25, 2023 at 6:10 pm

      Let me tell you as a blind person: I completely agree with Christine. I’d like to see for one day or so, especially since I’ve been blind since birth and wanted to know what my family and friends look like. But being blind has some great advantages for me that I wouldn’t want to miss!

    • Bernie Longshanks

      July 27, 2023 at 1:44 am

      ​@vocal_Lilly Pardon my ignorance Lily, but how did you read that comment? And what are the great advantages to being blind?, stronger hearing, sense etc.

  18. /

    July 25, 2023 at 8:43 pm

    Outstanding job, excellent presentation.

  19. Jace Shaffer

    July 25, 2023 at 10:38 pm

    That bit about closure hit hard. A person can become consumed trying to get it even when you know it won’t ever happen

  20. Let's Go Brandon

    July 25, 2023 at 10:55 pm

    Oh joy, another woke TED talk.

    • Sareaesque

      July 26, 2023 at 4:13 am

      how is it woke?

  21. Timothy McGlynn

    July 26, 2023 at 12:42 am

    🎉😮🎉

  22. Mastering Accounting Skills

    July 26, 2023 at 1:34 am

    Good one, thank you

  23. 장은서

    July 26, 2023 at 9:07 am

    Actually, I underwent unexpected change you cited. I’ve had no idea what to do and how to do. Today, as usual, I watched Ted. For me, this video is the one that will change my life in a different way. I recieved invaluable things. I WILL keep in mind these lessons that I learned thanks to this video, changes change what I’m capable of, what I value and how I define myself. Thank you.

    • Maya Shankar

      July 26, 2023 at 9:46 am

      You are so welcome!

  24. Jutard Lucas

    July 26, 2023 at 5:15 pm

    I sure love her accent 🎉

  25. riadi husaini

    July 26, 2023 at 10:23 pm

    (00:04) Introduction: The Violin and Childhood Dreams
    (01:14) Change: The Scary and Uncertain Journey
    (03:35) Question 1: How Might This Change What You’re Capable Of?
    (07:07) Question 2: How Might This Change What You Value?
    (10:16) Question 3: How Might This Change How You Define Yourself?
    (12:37) Facing New Challenges and Embracing Change
    (13:07) Conclusion: Finding Freedom in Possibility

  26. Linda Damon

    July 26, 2023 at 11:56 pm

    Just so timely and always true that point of view is worth positive cultivation. 😂❤

  27. Rahul Ranjan

    July 27, 2023 at 1:07 am

    What a wonderful talk! I myself have faced what she termed as “Identity Paralysis”. At the time I thought it was a curse. But it was a blessing. BC of it I found my core desire behind my temporal desires that defined me. It reminded me of a book called the Dark Horse by Todd Rose where he talked about *Knowing Your Micro-Motives* —figure out what uniquely makes you tick!

    But you can only find it out if you focus beyond what society deems worthy to be valued. If you find that the simple fact of styling your hair in a certain way or living in nature makes you tick, then you have to find a way to make a lifestyle that revolves around these personal elements. It can’t be just society’s pre made field : like I want to be a doctor.

    There’s more to you than this.

  28. /

    July 27, 2023 at 6:34 am

    Flaw#1 going to the club at 38 Flaw#2 needs to dress her age
    Flaw#3 no time for a man with 4 kids at home.

  29. Abdirahman Shariff

    July 27, 2023 at 8:39 am

    🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:

    00:04 Unexpected change happens to everyone, and it can be challenging to deal with.
    01:35 Change is scary because of uncertainty and the sense of loss it brings.
    02:38 Unexpected change can lead to personal growth and transformation.
    05:24 Ask yourself how the change can change what you are capable of.
    08:41 Reflect on how the change can change your values and perspective on life.
    10:58 Reevaluate and redefine yourself based on what truly inspires and energizes you.
    11:59 Embrace unexpected changes as opportunities for personal growth and expansion.

  30. CHOLESWAR SA

    July 27, 2023 at 9:00 am

    thanks you maya, for sharing your wonderful Ideas.❤

  31. ddvantandar

    July 27, 2023 at 1:52 pm

    To what extent you can contribute in people life and cherish their journey makes a big difference

  32. Sam Vinnik

    July 27, 2023 at 5:13 pm

    I think the last question hit me the most, when I get anxious or frustrated trying to do something new, instead of thinking about myself as a failure, or just not being good enough, I should focus on what it is that actually brings me enjoyment in pursuing this.

  33. MaiMai

    July 28, 2023 at 3:56 am

    Came here after I watched her on Andrew Huberman Lab PC. I literally searched her name.

    • Maya Shankar

      July 28, 2023 at 10:03 am

      😊😊

  34. Natasha Sharhorodska

    July 28, 2023 at 6:54 am

    Personally, in work I see changes as being about trust. Should risks be assessed and mitigated, stakeholders are engaged and result is well-defined, such changes has nothing to do with scary. Otherwise, scary is an essential feeling

  35. Alexander Patrick Dela Costa

    July 28, 2023 at 12:19 pm

    You look like Camila Cabello

  36. 聽賓狗學英文

    July 28, 2023 at 11:26 pm

    Love her podcast and love this speech!

  37. Jobs Andy

    July 29, 2023 at 12:14 am

    I totally agree with it,sometimes changes push ourselves forward

  38. Nearly Native Nursery

    July 30, 2023 at 12:02 am

    Change even drastic change is always welcome in my life. It makes one malleable by force or choosing to take a chance in life for adventure to new opportunities or experiences. Nothing ventured absolutely nothing gained. One not not growth without change. Jim Rodgers

  39. Rani A kbar

    July 30, 2023 at 4:14 am

    IN THE COMPUTER BUT ANYWAY
    SINGLE MONT COUNTECT TO DAY
    Morning..

  40. Born Justice Rule

    July 30, 2023 at 3:42 pm

    wow she looks and sounds lovely. great intelligent talk.

  41. Rajesh Chandra Kuri

    July 31, 2023 at 1:46 am

    Chnage means death and rebirth at the same time. When we change, we sacrifice our past patterns that no longer serves us and a rebirth takes place as new patterns emerge.
    Change is hard. It takes pain, tremendous amount of pain. It drives us mad for a while but at the end we find ourselves.

  42. water mai

    July 31, 2023 at 10:27 am

    Thank you for your stories. I had felt that you were wearing “Ao dai” in this video and ‘suddenly’ you mentioned Christine. Hope you soon have an “expected change” is to be a mom!

  43. Patrick Goldsmith

    July 31, 2023 at 4:38 pm

    The only CONSTANT in both physics & the Tao …is CHANGE.
    enjoy the roller-coaster ride!

  44. PurnaChand Medisetty

    August 1, 2023 at 7:35 pm

    okay, nice stories, but I don’t get the big picture.

  45. Dan R

    August 1, 2023 at 8:10 pm

    I came here after Huberman 🔥

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