Everyone loses their temper from time to time — but the stakes are dizzyingly high when the focus of your fury is your own child. Clinical psychologist and renowned parenting whisperer Becky Kennedy is here to help. Not only does she have practical advice to help parents manage the guilt and shame of their not-so-great moments but she also models the types of conversations you can have to be a better parent. (Hint: this works in all other relationships too.) Bottom line? It’s never too late to reconnect.
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Jungoo Kookie
September 14, 2023 at 9:41 am
Nice, it is actually simple but not an easy thing to do
Yolanda Swope
September 14, 2023 at 10:02 am
Better than repair is not to hurt them in the first place.
HakuCell
September 14, 2023 at 10:10 am
The video is way too long for me. Please make shorts out of Ted Talks.
Melinda Kayumba
September 14, 2023 at 10:23 am
Thank you so much for this
Kelsey Sampson
September 14, 2023 at 10:31 am
So amazing. Thank you Dr. Becky!
B25by25 DAp
September 14, 2023 at 10:43 am
i grew up with an unmedicated single schizophrenic mother (refused to take treatment as she didn’t believe the diagnosis). I remember vividly thinking that if I was good, she wouldn’t have extra stress and go into psychosis. Even if the yelling wasn’t at me, the impact was tremendous on my emotional state. She would often go into a state of clarity where should would cry and apologize for the trauma she caused… followed by a rant about all the government agents and demons that were trying to kill us. I understand it’s not necessarily her fault and have consequently had to learn these self regulation techniques to the extreme. I’m 23 now and I can’t wait to employ better parenting practices on my future children❤ Great and informative talk!
rdpfolio
September 14, 2023 at 11:11 am
The phone call exercise was powerful, got tears in my eyes listening to it. Great talk Becky, I will be a better father because of this.
Sander Anocic
September 14, 2023 at 11:34 am
Good job 🙂
Rose Sklar
September 14, 2023 at 11:45 am
Spot on. I am going to make that hard call to my adult child and give her the apology she deserves. The one I never received, the one I will now model for our future.
Delphine Wood
September 14, 2023 at 12:22 pm
What a beautiful talk. Thank you.
VARSHA VYAS
September 14, 2023 at 12:27 pm
So good
Chris Day
September 14, 2023 at 12:45 pm
3:06 is an epiphany for sure.
Bilo Collection
September 14, 2023 at 12:54 pm
How do you think prioritizing repair can impact a child’s self-esteem and emotional well-being in the long run?
Home Wall
September 14, 2023 at 1:44 pm
What is the sound evidence that talk therapy works? The more drugs and therapy, the weaker and more intolerant people actually seem to be, more lonely, more avoiding others, more wanting to push others around to your own views. We have more homeless, more drug abusers, more lovers of undeclared wars to kill foreigners, more dependency on receiving extorted wealth from others, less religious, more trusting of government rulers, more kids shooting other kids, and less academically capable.
Anthony
September 14, 2023 at 3:11 pm
Correlation ≠ Causation
r@munya
September 14, 2023 at 3:02 pm
This is so powerful 😭
Regina Uzzardi
September 14, 2023 at 3:04 pm
This is outstanding! So glad you shared this TED and more glad I listened to it. Thank You
ABC Content
September 14, 2023 at 3:11 pm
Repair, self-regulate, and revisit those moments. And, remember, it is NEVER TOO LATE. Becky, this is brilliant. Thank you!
Emily Shotwell Boivin
September 14, 2023 at 3:14 pm
Yes!!!! Dr. Becky and TED in one place? Literally was listening to her Good Inside audible a few hours ago. So thankful for you and what you share.
CSEP - Inspiring Keynote Speakers
September 14, 2023 at 3:36 pm
. It’s so true that we all make mistakes, especially as parents, but the key is learning how to repair those moments of disconnection. It’s never too late to apologize and make amends with our children, and I love the idea of teaching them valuable skills like regulating their emotions and communicating effectively.
Ana Bogosavljev
September 14, 2023 at 5:54 pm
At the end, public shows that everyone of them have problem with kids.
Mary Be
September 14, 2023 at 6:54 pm
I just LOVE Dr. Becky and am thrilled this concept of repair is going to get the visibility this world needs.
Mary Be
September 14, 2023 at 7:05 pm
How to repair:
7:33 Step 1: Repair with yourself
8:41 Step 2: Repair with your child — 1) Name what happened; 2) take responsibility; 3) state what you would do differently the next time.
Patricia Rutkey
September 14, 2023 at 7:20 pm
Obsessed – this is so wonderful. I sent to my husband, my Dad, my sisters, and my friends ❤❤ Thank you for this ❤
Cheyenne
September 14, 2023 at 8:26 pm
This was a great example of authoritative parenting! This was a great talk and definitely one of my favorites❤
setionos
September 14, 2023 at 8:55 pm
– Repair involves acknowledging moments of disconnection, taking responsibility for one’s behavior, and addressing the impact on the other person.
– Repair is not just about apologizing but about reconnection and addressing the emotional impact.
– Repairing with children can have a lifelong impact, teaching them valuable emotional regulation and communication skills. It is never too late to repair and improve relationships with children.
666dorian
September 14, 2023 at 11:05 pm
‘Don’t let your behaviour define you.’ Literally the building blocks of what defines everyone.
A ten years later update on how her children are doing entering into a world of normal adults would be interesting
Ha Le
September 14, 2023 at 11:52 pm
Find myself somewhere in the speech – “not repair”
Fernando Alonso
September 15, 2023 at 12:55 am
I cant wait to be a father
Nick Goh - Homes With Nick
September 15, 2023 at 2:51 am
This has got to be the BEST parenting advice that I have heard ever since becoming a parent myself.
suusjuhhh2
September 15, 2023 at 2:57 am
Thank you so much for your talk, it helps me in so many ways
Miriam Hughes
September 15, 2023 at 4:40 am
Love love love!!!
Thank you for normailizing parents being imperfect who are striving to repair and grow all the time! So appreciate the spot on advice to repairing!
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September 15, 2023 at 6:08 am
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September 15, 2023 at 6:11 am
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September 15, 2023 at 6:58 am
AMAZING TALK, ESSENCIAL FOR PARENTS AROUND THE GLOBE, PLEASE PUT SOME LEGEND TRANSLATION FOR SPANISH AND OTHER LANGUAGES!! THANKS!! @TED
Alfredo Hernandez
September 15, 2023 at 7:02 am
It seems like the parent is taking all the blame and apologizing along repairing the situation. The kid should appreciate what they have and don’t feel entitled. It seems like ‘repair’ means that the child can do no wrong and all the burden is in the parent. Parenting should be a two way relationship where the parent educates and transfers values and the kid appreciates and learns. My father always told me when I was wrong and yelled many times and I never felt self blame or that I wasn’t loved. On the contrary, it opened my eyes and realized many things that as kids, I was taking for granted. This is how you educate entitled kids that can be corrected because everything you say to them may hurt their feelings. I don’t think this is a good way to raise kids.
Humaira Kakar
September 15, 2023 at 8:47 am
😭
Mohamed Ahmed
September 15, 2023 at 12:37 pm
Steps for Repairing Relationships:-
Step one is recognizing the rupture or disconnection.
Step two involves taking responsibility for one’s behavior and acknowledging its impact on others.
The speaker emphasizes the importance of differentiating repair from a simple apology.
Chris Montoya
September 15, 2023 at 1:38 pm
Way to go Dr.B! I cried twice thru this, thank you for the work you do.
JESSI DURMIS
September 15, 2023 at 4:15 pm
I am trying ❤❤❤
Arctic Thunder Gamer
September 15, 2023 at 4:21 pm
ok first of all start with believing in yourself or and making it work on your own and not that fictitious being GOD ! He is not real !!!!! stop doing i am going to leave in gods hands or god will take care of it, own your own stuff make it happen, some of this is kind of good.
Arctic Thunder Gamer
September 15, 2023 at 4:25 pm
I am surprised she is a child clinician or relationship clinician this is parenting relationships 101.
Soil Solution
September 15, 2023 at 5:53 pm
I wish my parents would say that to me, maybe I’ll repair.
Rachel Losey
September 16, 2023 at 1:17 am
Amazing. You are just amazing Dr Becky
bob bao
September 16, 2023 at 4:43 am
What a profound TED Talk! I almost teared up. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a talk like this. Thanks!
thanh nhàn lê
September 16, 2023 at 6:57 am
THANKS FOR HELP ME LEARN🥰🥰🥰
Sarah Leidhold
September 16, 2023 at 8:21 am
This is incredible. Dr. Becky is brilliant!
BigBadWolf
September 16, 2023 at 9:58 am
Yes, be nice. Foster the relationships you have and repair them when something goes wrong. But maybe, just maybe, we should not forget to also teach our children to be more resilient in the face of “aggression” .
A
September 16, 2023 at 10:36 am
The issue with this approach is you are dealing with your kid in a rational way, but kids are irrational and look up for authority
Chris Arthur
September 16, 2023 at 5:44 pm
Powerful!!!!
Mahaidi Hasan
September 16, 2023 at 11:45 pm
It is better to give subtitle 😢
@maria mcaleavey
September 17, 2023 at 2:37 am
powerful true words.
@maria mcaleavey
September 17, 2023 at 2:43 am
powerful not a parent reminder of child hood true words lucky blessed grateful had my dad gran papa show me life life experiences appreciate to have respect true trust love.
Manoj C
September 17, 2023 at 4:29 am
A good Ted talk after a long time.
C Chandalala
September 17, 2023 at 9:21 am
Yayyy Dr B! 🎉🎉Thank you for this!! 🙏🏾❤️ Repair mode activated.
00Tenrai00
September 17, 2023 at 9:46 am
We are raising a generation of coddled, pampered children. That grow up to be clueless adults without any measure of meaningful strategy to cope with actual hardships of life. Your child should be allowed to rebel. This rebellion should be curtailed by any means necessary. Positive reinforcement, coupled with coercive discipline.
Steph De La Paz
September 17, 2023 at 10:09 pm
Cried the entire time.
Abhay Anand
September 18, 2023 at 1:19 am
One of the all time best talks that I have ever watched!
saif
September 18, 2023 at 5:53 am
Now this is what a great talk looks like ❤️
Marcela Svirbelova Kuziakova
September 18, 2023 at 7:55 am
I love you I really admire your work,your honesty,I am mummy of two children, had a bed argument with my 12 year’s old son on Saturday, definitely going to repair,for sure I do try my best all the time,but I am still selfish from one point, feeling down lately, training to find my passion, don’t like going to my work, because I do complain about what I don’t like,the system there,my colleague they don’t like when I say what I think,it is stressful and unmotivated me all the way I am in position when I can’t do anything,have no childcare… anyway,thank you appreciate it everything, sending hugs and love 💕
Lichking1019
September 18, 2023 at 10:09 am
You just reaffirmed that being bad at math is okay
Maria Koutina
September 18, 2023 at 4:37 pm
Brilliant talk , thank you so much Becky
Amanda Baus
September 19, 2023 at 12:50 pm
It is so hard to self-regulate when you were never taught as a child. I do find that teaching it to the next generation – even if it is hard to practice what you preach – has its own self-healing capacity. My parents will probably never take ownership of their shortcomings, but my inner child is listening and there’s a similar effect when I own up for mine.
Jesse Petersen
September 19, 2023 at 8:59 pm
This is a very relevant, substantive and advanced approach to repairing and maintaining healthy relationships, for parents and children and all relationships. Thank you ❤ It’s an invaluable lesson amongst all of the media noise.