We are wired for connection, and yet many of us spend most of our lives avoiding it, says behavioral scientist Nicholas Epley. Drawing on decades of research into happiness, loneliness and well-being, he reveals why we consistently underestimate how receptive others are to connecting — and invites us to seize the small moments that lead to a more social life. (Recorded at TED2026 on April 16, 2026)
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@CYSV90
May 28, 2026 at 11:03 am
Sounded interesting so here I am 😊
@JosephineMendozaza
May 28, 2026 at 11:09 am
Keep on creating! Your channel always leaves a positive impression.💿⛸👒
@mhsakibyt
May 28, 2026 at 11:21 am
❤❤❤ From Bangladesh
@PabiBhul-t3q
May 28, 2026 at 11:25 am
I love listening to ted talk
@neildmedia
May 28, 2026 at 12:11 pm
Thats a good opening question. And if they havent heard of TED talks explain what they are and describe you’re favourite. They can bring it up on their phone and boom youve connected. Just a humble suggestion
@aImaginative-yt
May 28, 2026 at 11:31 am
I find myself saying things like ‘that person probably doesnt want to talk or ‘its going to be awkward’ but this video makes clear that people love it much more than I anticipate.
Last week, however, I actually did it: I started a brief conversation with the woman seated beside me on the train, and she turned out to be quite pleasant and we talked all the way through our journey. I felt unexpectedly happy after the experience.
Thank you, Nicholas! I will definitely make it a regular practice: Reach out more than you think you should.
got that one down!
@MetalHeadSippel
May 28, 2026 at 3:24 pm
@aImaginative-yt I actually hate it when people talk to me. When I’m sitting alone on a park bench, and someone says good morning to me, it pisses me off. No it’s not a good morning, I’ve been single and lonely for forty three years, you think I’m having a good morning? no way. I hate it when people say god bless you after I sneeze: I’m an atheist, there is no god, so keep your Christianity to yourself. I’m thinking about getting a tattoo on my forehead that says Leave Me Alone. It’s never a girl that starts talking to me, it’s always some jerk that has to make some stupid comment when I’m just trying to think about my thoughts when someone else starts bothering me.
@Steffin.K.Christopher
May 28, 2026 at 11:54 am
We were wrong about people
@gracetaylor5341
May 28, 2026 at 12:00 pm
My favorite conversations have been with random strangers 💚
@thebest2897
May 28, 2026 at 12:08 pm
We don’t live in a high trust society. People assume there’s an agenda when you reach out to talk, be it violent or exploitative in some other way
@SaltVinegar2010
May 28, 2026 at 8:40 pm
@thebest2897 Agree absolutely.
@EstherAmaewhule
May 28, 2026 at 12:42 pm
This is for ME to hear❤
@usernamekrn8729
May 28, 2026 at 12:59 pm
we’re jaded and hurt by the wrong people so now we don’t talk to new people 😂
@tonyoconnell9071
May 28, 2026 at 1:00 pm
Is it me or does sound a bit like the Joker…..?
@Craul08
May 28, 2026 at 5:41 pm
He has bit of something I couldn’t nail down, but yeh I think that’s it.
@derre98
May 28, 2026 at 1:34 pm
I think I lack the social gene.
@AdityaMehendale
May 28, 2026 at 1:47 pm
Thumbs up if you watched this on Vox ~3 days ago, and had a deja-vu.
@muhsinabdiwahab114
May 28, 2026 at 2:11 pm
People like to talk.
@Moss_knight00
May 28, 2026 at 2:13 pm
Man, this is what TED is about, great talk
@kathrynstrauss3429
May 28, 2026 at 2:20 pm
I like the idea generally, but I think his experience as a man doesn’t reflect what we women would experience by striking up conversations with men.
@hjjkthn
May 28, 2026 at 3:14 pm
@kathrynstrauss3429 talk to women
@carsonhunt4642
May 28, 2026 at 4:43 pm
@kathrynstrauss3429 def goes both ways. I’ve had girls try to talk to me and I have to be slightly rude in order to not make them think I’m open to whatever they are trying at. Tho I’m believer in that guys and girls CAN NOT be “friends”, (one always wants more, not always the guy either).
And then random guys just aren’t worth talking to. This guy talks like he’s from the past , small community , worthwhile. Everyone today is strangers amongst each other, who don’t get along at all. And love his optimism but most ppl are just not all that worth talking to , unless just want some dumb small talk that goes nowhere, id argue ppl get enough of that from social media. What ppl need nowadays is deeper connections
@selinov
May 28, 2026 at 3:18 pm
At a NYE party, I told a young couple that they really looked beautiful and I loved their energy. The response I got? “That’s because you’re old,” coupled with that cynical 😏 I’ve seen so often. My entire crew replied with a confused “what,” and he repeated himself slowly, “IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE OLD!” It was like talking to an angry 12-year-old, but this guy was in his 20s.
So, yeah, I’ve learned not to offer compliments to strangers. I’m glad your anecdote worked out, though. 👍🏾
@ALCRAN2010
May 28, 2026 at 5:53 pm
Congratulations, you met who that person really is.
Had you not reached out, you would have lived your whole day thinking their energy was lovely.
@eggstravagent3801
May 28, 2026 at 5:05 pm
man, this guy knows how to talk 😀
@Craul08
May 28, 2026 at 5:35 pm
Are we really so disconnected now that you have to be a sociology professor to be like ‘yo what if I just talk to people on the train?’
@thebest2897
May 29, 2026 at 11:57 am
Yes
@ALCRAN2010
May 28, 2026 at 5:43 pm
One weird trick the psychiatrist, psychologist, and therapist cartels don’t want you to know…
…but bartenders have known for decades.
@juancs-dev
May 28, 2026 at 5:57 pm
What an AMAZING talk.
@CarltonMasonNorwood
May 28, 2026 at 6:17 pm
Eyes are the window to the soul. Hands are the window to intentions. Watch both. Once you engage with someone they most likely will remember you especially if you help them. They most likely will come back for more. Single serving friends aren’t friends remember that.
@Zanshin001
May 28, 2026 at 9:39 pm
Wow <3!
@alexabren7090
May 28, 2026 at 11:41 pm
Why do we consistently underestimate the positive effects of these interactions? What conditioned us?
@indrankistensamy3084
May 29, 2026 at 1:10 am
We are social beings…interaction is beneficial to our emotive base.
@Jullynguyen205
May 29, 2026 at 1:10 am
The best message I learned: When you decided to do something, when in doubt, something in the past might hold us back, just do it with open attitude, things might go better than expected!
@Paradise7D
May 29, 2026 at 1:39 am
And then there’s me, autistic, damaged by the human experience, avoidant of humans and interactions for the most part. I wouldn’t be a good conversation partner. It wouldn’t make you feel so good 🙂
@ScottCrabtreeOriginalMus-xs9ss
May 29, 2026 at 1:55 am
St Charles Health System in Oregon hired me to create and deliver a presentation called “Building Belonging: the science of connecting in a lonely world“. They hired me to do this because being lonely is worse for you than being obese, drinking five alcoholic drinks a day, or smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day. I cite the research done by this wonderful man and his colleagues, and encourage people to choose connection. They report surprisingly positive outcomes, just as he describes. Try it for yourself. Experiment with your own life. We need each other, especially now.
@zarai6441
May 29, 2026 at 3:08 am
as someone from a small town, i would love to do this except everyone is so nosy and disrespectful of your boundaries that i prefer silence/distance
but i’m usually more open and relaxed when i’m in a bigger city where people dont automatically assume they know you and can tell you how to live
@deanthomas3559
May 29, 2026 at 6:00 am
This was a darn good talk my friends
@OussamaHamdany
May 29, 2026 at 6:22 am
this habit is prayer allah akbar
@briana_hilmes
May 29, 2026 at 8:46 am
I can’t help but think of Jesus the whole time I listened to this.. he would agree lol. 😊
@IncandescentVoltage
May 29, 2026 at 11:36 am
Your quote, “Every day there are opportunities, big and small, to reach out and connect with other people that we choose not to take,” is profound. After some deep disappointments in life, I’ve intentionally stepped back from the social world for a season, and honestly, I am enjoying the solitude and the space it has given me to reflect and heal. I also appreciated your reminder that “Social connection isn’t something that just happens to us. It’s a choice we make.” It gives me comfort to think that when the time feels right, connection will still be there waiting, not as an obligation, but as a choice I can make again.
@ivarvanderknaap1247
May 29, 2026 at 1:01 pm
Very recognizable!
@snap8626
May 29, 2026 at 2:22 pm
IGNORE THE JEWS. simple as.
@billpetersen298
May 29, 2026 at 3:52 pm
That face,,,,, the happiest moment in my life. Was when my adopted daughter, came home.
She is doing fire department training, and we are going on a five day hike together, next week.
Yes, talk to strangers. The political divide, is tearing us apart.
@bastianrivero
May 29, 2026 at 8:07 pm
Remarcable ❤
@megagwa
May 29, 2026 at 11:04 pm
The topic of conversation doesn’t matter. I live in Taiwan, and despite the years I speak Chinese very poorly. I still enjoy chatting with people at the park when I walk my dogs. sometimes you don’t even need words at all. – – – Leaving the grocery store yesterday, there was an older man pacing the sidewalk, clearly waiting for his wife shopping inside. He looked as any man does in this situation, restless and bored. I stowed my things and hopped on my scooter and checked I wouldn’t hit him as I backed out. In the same moment I realized I hadn’t put on my helmet. Maybe he had noticed, maybe not. I caught his eye just as my brain screamed “helmet!” and I reached up knocked on my skull and laughed. He smiled shyly and quickly continued his pacing. As I did one last shoulder check I noticed there was a new lightness in his step and he was no longer just watching his feet, but standing a little taller, looking up at the activity around him. 🥰 Connect. It is safe. And we desperately need it.
@nakiyapardawala4113
May 30, 2026 at 12:37 am
I love talking to and connecting with people, but these days I’m often hesitant to start conversations because I worry about being perceived as a creep or as someone with hidden intentions. I genuinely don’t have an agenda—I’m just a friendly person who enjoys meeting people and hopes to bring a few more smiles into the world.
@anthonyrusso9378
May 30, 2026 at 5:12 pm
@nakiyapardawala4113 I hear ya, you’re not alone
@nakiyapardawala4113
May 30, 2026 at 6:28 pm
@anthonyrusso9378 Glad to know that ^_^
@hebams3635
May 30, 2026 at 4:01 am
I was lucky to live in three different countries, each with its own rich and diverse culture. These experiences taught me to appreciate different perspectives and connect with people from all backgrounds. I truly enjoy meeting and learning from people of different cultures. Amazing TED Talk—thank you for sharing such an inspiring message!
@scotp4945
May 30, 2026 at 5:13 am
I am definitely a chatterbox… i talk to anyone about anything… however even i am still surprised at how friendly and open people are back to me. Over the years I’ve learnt to start the conversation very casual and see where it goes. Start with a greeting , “morning!” most people will say morning back, if the look like they will engage further you can say something like “wow it’s chilly today”… if they respond and they seem like they’ve the time, and inclination to talk… you’re off to chatting… ..most times people really want to tell you what they are doing! Occasionally people want their space…. and it’s important to give them the space they need. Be prepared for a range if topics some light hearted … im going to pick up a puppy and asking about training tips…to deep conversations though, ive been on the train and a lady told me she was going to see her husband that was terminally ill ( i got the feeling she had no one to talk to about how hard it was so i just listened to her story….such a brave woman!).
@realshamjay2221
May 30, 2026 at 5:17 am
This is good. Human connections are one of the most important things to us. We need people more than we may like to admit it. There’s a wave of individualism and self sufficiency that has swept through the world today and has people keeping to themselves more often, I like to believe that to be cancerous and very short sighted. There’s a lot that relationships does to us that being alone (even with all the money you can have it this world) cannot afford to. We are social creatures, we are not computers or AI.
This is just a very beautifully presented Ted talk. It’s good. 😊
@samgravell3180
May 30, 2026 at 8:20 am
I think there’s a cultural element to this. As an American in Germany, it’s always refreshing to go back to the US and be around people who are open to a pleasant chat. It really does add some spice to the day.
Here in Germany, it doesn’t work that way and if you try it, people will think you’re crazy. To fit in here you just have to frown and mind your own business.
@misslilly979
May 31, 2026 at 12:41 pm
Hhhh kind of real
@nickeldamenki
May 30, 2026 at 8:21 am
This reminds me of that one bus trip I took which would last 6 hours (unfortunately we don’t have subways where I live)… I had this feeling of wanting to ask where she was from, and boy I didn’t realize how that alone would make her open up about her life 😅 perhaps she needed that conversation given her situation that time and I didn’t regret it either… My main takeway from this video: talk to strangers, you’ll never know, they might actually make your day, or you might make their day instead 😊 (like I did to that nice lady, I hope she’s doing fine despite meeting her once, she even said we might cross paths again in the future)
@audrey04021
May 30, 2026 at 10:50 am
New Orleans and San Francisco are towns that welcome strangers talking to each other. On the street, the buses and streetcars, in elevators, at the bar, over the sales rack in the retail store. It’s unheard of to be silent and stoic. Life is nice that way.
@dkinrys
May 30, 2026 at 12:32 pm
Could people’s reluctance to start talking to strangers have something to do with the fact that most of the time, the instigator wants (or is perceived to want) something beyond simple social connection? They want something financially (a scam? Or just some spare change), sexually (are they hitting on me), or perhaps they are mentally unwell. As a middle-aged man in a large city, I’m used to anyone talking to me on the train, bus, or park bench being someone mentally unwell or trying to get some money from me. I can only imagine how a woman would feel.
This problem could be worse in cities, despite the relative anonymity. I know some cities or districts have tried experimenting with “conversation benches” in parks, where anyone sitting on one is signalling openness to conversation with a stranger. Whether the experience will be positive is another matter…
@ClareBuoyant
May 30, 2026 at 2:27 pm
Contraire, mon “frere!” You DO remember at least SOME of what was SAID during that conversation on the 30 minutes train ride, VER BAITUM! You CANNOT, however, recall EXACTLY HOW you FELT during those 30 minutes. You can ONLY remember that it made you feel GOOD. But you cannot RECAPTURE that feeling. Not NOW. Not ever again in this lifetime.
@lonzo61
May 30, 2026 at 2:49 pm
This guy is mostly full of sh*t. In Finland, this guy would be called an assh***. Just because it’s a TED Talk does it mean it’s true!
@ithacacomments4811
May 30, 2026 at 5:27 pm
Introvert here. INFJ.
@warrentrout
May 30, 2026 at 7:18 pm
People on airplanes used to talk. Very seldom will anyone talk even if I start the conversation
@TJDuffy-ip3ue
May 30, 2026 at 8:26 pm
I reach out a lot. The joy of meeting a potentially new friend overrides my dread of possibly being rejected. I am a senior who swims at a nearby pool. I’ve made several new friends there. And it’s because I initiated every single conversation. “What do you do for fun?” That’s my icebreaker.
@houmankatuzi
May 30, 2026 at 8:48 pm
I started watching/listening to this while driving as I’m always curious about the human behaviour. What I wasn’t expecting is to start crying… we have 5 children and our 4th has Down syndrome. He’s the sweetest boy ever and we couldn’t love him any more than we already do.
@mrtienphysics666
May 31, 2026 at 1:28 am
he looks happy
@sephmckenna2521
May 31, 2026 at 3:48 am
We should have dedicated social care where people have implicit permission to have a chat.
@canadianhappyinitalytruest6556
May 31, 2026 at 4:31 am
Honestly, as a mom and sports coach, all of my life is spent interacting with people while I have to be at my “best”… when I’m on transit, I love listening to music or zoning out…ALONE! it’s a recovery thing so I have some gas in the tank for the people I’m caring for!!
@gregoryd40
May 31, 2026 at 5:08 am
Maybe you’re wrong about people….
@ccwoodlands1565
May 31, 2026 at 8:43 am
America is divided because of our vitriolic president.
@JamesSmith-qj9kd
May 31, 2026 at 10:06 am
Everyone is your friend until their psychopathology reveals itself and they become rude, disrespectful or do something that doesn’t match your value system. Humans are best at hiding their character defects/pathos. And most will do it until they die.Daily self reflection is desperately missing.😮
@evanescent9863
May 31, 2026 at 10:22 am
Life is forcing us to always be distracted from the present moment, but that’s where real life is. With enough of being off in the metaverse, life starts to feel the same—flat, one long day. We as humans need the diversity of engaging with the texture of actual, material life.
@lardingHemingway
May 31, 2026 at 10:35 am
I appreciate the data and ideas here. But this “pessimism” framing hits different for women, for whom being merely being friendly can make us a target, or even just be assumed to want more than a friendly chat. Would love to see what the data says about the perceived power of the conversation starter vs recipient.
@JMB1891
May 31, 2026 at 10:38 am
What a load of self serving nonsense.
@shahirahabib2947
May 31, 2026 at 12:01 pm
I always talk to people n public places.. it’s who I am and I don’t want to change that🙂I compliment people , or ask about a book their reading , I even share recipes in grocery stores😀is always a very enriching experience ❤
@maxigattari3137
May 31, 2026 at 12:37 pm
the most weird thing is that people usually uses social media in the train…,
@misslilly979
May 31, 2026 at 12:43 pm
What holds me back is i think that is people pleasing , how can i differentiate between this and people pleasing?
@myfirstsurgery1612
May 31, 2026 at 2:28 pm
And water is wet…
I don’t think anyone thinks talking to someone is bad per se, it’s that it’s mentally taxing. It means being ‘on’, which the modern world demands from us almost our entire waking life.
Not sure we needed 100 experiments to get us there…
@TomKacandes
May 31, 2026 at 5:19 pm
In 1983, I was in Munich for the summer, needing to sharpen up my German before a 5 week summer job. I had 4 weeks before the job started and explored the city. My boss said “practice talking to people” but I knew no one. I took to approaching mostly older people sitting in the park and saying from a polite distance: “Hello, I am an American. I’m interested to know what your think of our President Reagan?” EVERY SINGLE PERSON talked to me for 5-15 minutes explaining how Reagan’s election rocked or simply lowered their view of America as true Post-WWII Germans, how deeply disappointed they were that an actor could be handed the US presidency and I got to practice “I apologize on behalf of America” among other useful chit chat.
@donkeykebab
May 31, 2026 at 7:06 pm
This, always, this.