We all have a “thing” — the way we act when we’re not at our best that we somehow can’t see in ourselves. Leadership expert Chris Wheatley learned about his when his best friend at work called him on it. He shares how hearing that hard truth shattered a lifelong pattern of defensiveness, offering a practical framework for receiving feedback with tact. (Recorded at TEDxSpokane on January 31, 2026)
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@MsLizziebeth1
September 13, 2026 at 11:13 am
Ha! How about when it’s your hatefull boss? ….He DOESN’T care.
@kimberly_erin
September 13, 2026 at 11:59 am
Ask them about it. See if they want to try it out. If it doesn’t work out, find another boss
@janycebrown4071
September 13, 2026 at 1:18 pm
Get a new boss😊❤
@sharlarae9719
September 13, 2026 at 11:34 am
Great advice 🫶
@surpreetsindhar
September 13, 2026 at 12:02 pm
Where’s the hype button this needs to be hyped up
@janycebrown4071
September 13, 2026 at 12:06 pm
Excellent video!
Be better everyday ❣️💪🙌✨️
@TheCanopyCrusader
September 13, 2026 at 12:45 pm
That was spectacular! I, too, have had to deal with the same issue and now I have an easy to follow technique. Thank you!
@misslusixseven67
September 13, 2026 at 1:19 pm
The hard stuff makes us better, in my experience. 😊
@greyish7121
September 13, 2026 at 1:59 pm
Couldn’t stop smiling throughout the whole video. What a beautiful and warm reminder that we’re just humans and we sometimes do need people to tell us if we’re doing good or not.
@RealFTFC
September 13, 2026 at 2:33 pm
Finally a talk about being better humans with adopting to AI.
@pacmanshooter247
September 13, 2026 at 3:07 pm
You could really tell he spoke from the heart and it means something very real to him. It’s rare I watch these. I’m glad I did this time.
@ShawnLH88
September 16, 2026 at 2:16 am
Sounds like you don’t like to learn
@pacmanshooter247
September 16, 2026 at 2:38 am
@ShawnLH88 bad faith interpretation on your part. Try having AuDHD. I can’t process video information well.
@Echo21
September 13, 2026 at 4:13 pm
The Four Steps to Hearing Hard Feedback Gracefully:
1. Thankfulness – Calm the initial fight-or-flight response (10:00)
2. Acknowledgement – Help the OTHER PERSON feel seen and heard (10:12)
3. Commitment – Honor the feedback with action (10:35)
4. Thankfulness – Reinforce and reward the behavior (11:00)
@mithilaoyshi
September 14, 2026 at 12:41 am
Amazing lesson
@miraclehappens1928
September 14, 2026 at 4:06 am
Love it and love you man!! you changed my life
@asceticacid
September 14, 2026 at 7:01 am
This is not very rigorous or philosophical. Just because somebody doesn’t like your approach doesn’t mean they are right. The implication here is that everybody’s feelings are valid. Let’s all change our behaviour to suit each other… This is a recipe for masking and confusion when dealing with different people who have different desires and boundaries. The answer is philosophy: decide on what your boundaries are and why, then respect your own boundaries. Do not accept criticism blindly: require evidence for why the behaviour was wrong.
@_---__
September 14, 2026 at 7:24 am
This was really good and I’m going to use it going forward.
@ShahzanAli-c4i
September 14, 2026 at 7:34 am
Actually, This gentle man describes real way of life
@harrypearle9781
September 14, 2026 at 11:03 am
K(NO)W contains the word NO
NO turned around is ON Often saying NO, wakes people up, and can turn them ON.
At SCHOOL, often MISTAKES have the most lasting IMPACT, the best lessons, but this may be hard to take, at the time.
========================================================================================= TN
@Annna-20123
September 14, 2026 at 11:33 am
💖💕💖
@lenovotab4668
September 15, 2026 at 9:21 am
عندي استفسار ،
هل الترجمة الى العربية التي تظهر بالفيديو سليمة ودقيقة ؟
@ambalastores
September 15, 2026 at 10:54 am
Dear TED Team,
I am writing to you not as a complaint, but as a humble suggestion from someone who genuinely loves listening to TED and TEDx talks.
I am from Pakistan, and I often listen to TED talks with great interest. I listen carefully because I want to understand the ideas behind them, not simply hear the words. However, sometimes a speaker uses local humor, cultural references, expressions or phrases that are perfectly clear to the audience sitting in the hall, while someone listening thousands of miles away may not understand them in the same way.
I recently experienced this while listening to Chris Wheatley’s TEDxSpokane talk, “The Four Steps to Hearing Hard Feedback Gracefully,” recorded on January 31, 2026. I found the title very interesting and listened carefully for several minutes, but some of the humor and local references made it difficult for me to fully understand what the speaker was trying to convey.
This made me think about something important. The audience sitting in a TEDx hall may consist of a few hundred people, but the audience outside that hall can be millions of people from different countries, cultures and languages.
My humble suggestion is that TED could encourage speakers, whenever possible, to provide a short written companion to their talks — perhaps a simple summary of the main message, along with brief explanations of local jokes, cultural references or expressions that may not be easily understood by an international audience.
This could also be adapted into a short social media post after the talk, explaining the central idea in simple and universally understandable language. It would not replace the speaker’s natural style, personality or humor. Rather, it would help people from different cultures understand the deeper meaning behind the talk.
I believe this small addition could make many wonderful TED and TEDx ideas even more accessible to people around the world.
I greatly appreciate the work TED is already doing through transcripts, subtitles and translations. My suggestion is simply to add another layer of clarity for the millions of people who listen from cultures very different from the speaker’s own.
I am sharing this thought with great respect and admiration for TED’s mission of spreading ideas.
Thank you for listening to the suggestion of one ordinary listener from Pakistan who simply wants to understand, learn and benefit from the ideas you share with the world.
With sincere respect,
Javed Akhtar Arain
Pakistan
15 September 2026
@rea-u2j
September 16, 2026 at 12:58 am
that’s really good, thank you !
@hristospasov5998
September 16, 2026 at 12:14 pm
But what if people give you feedback, which is unhelpful, because the people don’t see your hidden struggles and don’t understand you well? Even if they care about you and have good intentions, they can lead you to the wrong path, because they don’t know you. Or what if you receive feedback, which is contradictory, due to everyone seeing you in their own subjective way? One group of people can be biased and give you feedback, which is the opposite of what another group with their own bias will give. Why does one even have to fit into the expectations of others? How do you know then what is objectively an improvement? I also didn’t like the example with his sister, because saying “There were times in my life, when I needed you, but..” sounds overly-dependent, and a bit manipulative and blaming.
@Headwarmer
September 16, 2026 at 1:46 pm
Thank you