Visit to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more.
You may be experiencing burnout and not even know it, say authors (and sisters) Emily and Amelia Nagoski. In an introspective and deeply relatable conversation, they detail three telltale signs that stress is getting the best of you — and share actionable ways to feel safe in your own body when you’re burning out. (This conversation, hosted by TED curator Cloe Shasha Brooks, is part of TED’s “How to Deal with Difficult Feelings” series.)
0:00 Intro
02:12 Three components of burnout
03:35 How to deal with your stress cycle
08:14 How to tell when you’re burning out
12:19 How to talk to your boss about burnout
14:00 The cure for burnout isn’t self-care — and the first steps towards wellness
The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world’s leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design — plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You’re welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know.
Become a TED Member:
Follow TED on Twitter:
Like TED on Facebook:
Subscribe to our channel:
TED’s videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at
Transcriber:
[How to Deal with Difficult Feelings]
Cloe Shasha Brooks: Hello, TED community.
You are watching a TED Interview series
called “How to Deal
with Difficult Feelings.”
I’m your host, Cloe Shasha Brooks,
and a curator at TED.
Today, we’ll be focusing
specifically on burnout,
both personal and professional,
with the help of two experts,
Dr. Emily Nagoski and Dr. Amelia Nagoski.
They are identical twin sisters
and the coauthors of a book about burnout,
for everyone who is overwhelmed
and exhausted by all they have to do,
who is nevertheless worried
that they’re not doing enough.
Let’s dive right in.
You coauthored a book called “Burnout:
The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle.”
And the inspiration for this book
was actually based on
a personal experience
that you had with burnout, Amelia.
Can you tell us more
about that experience?
Amelia Nagoski: Well, it began
with me going to school
while I was getting my doctorate
in musical arts in conducting.
I ended up in the hospital,
and I had abdominal pain,
which they diagnosed as stress induced,
told me to go home and relax.
And in fact, I had no idea what to do.
But luckily, I have a sister who
has a PhD in health behavior.
So when I’m in the hospital,
just in pain, laying there,
not even really understanding
how I got there or why.
And I honestly didn’t even believe
that stress could cause
physiological symptoms.
And Emily said, “How did you
not know that?”
I’m a conductor and a singer.
I have learned in my musical training
to express my feelings with my body,
to use my body as a vehicle
for expressing emotion.
And it occurred to me
that if it was true that I didn’t just
have those feelings onstage —
I had them all the time, my whole life —
and if that was true, wow,
that was a lot of feelings.
So I didn’t even want
to believe this was true.
But once Emily brought me a huge
stack of peer-reviewed science,
I couldn’t deny anymore, yes,
stress manifests in the body
and can turn into symptoms of illness.
CSB: So, OK, well, let’s start
with some definitions.
What are the three components of burnout?
Emily Nagoski: So, according to
the original technical definition
from Herbert Freudenberger in the 1970s,
burnout, which originally
was inclusive only of the workplace
but has expanded now,
involves depersonalization,
where you separate yourself
emotionally from your work
instead of investing yourself
and feeling like it’s meaningful;
decreased sense of accomplishment,
where you just keep working harder
and harder for less and less sense
that what you are doing
is making any difference;
and emotional exhaustion.
And while everyone experiences
all three of these factors,
over the 40 years since
this original formulation,
it turns out that, broadly speaking,
for men, burnout tends to manifest
as depersonalization in particular.
And for women, burnout tends to manifest
as emotional exhaustion.
So anyone can experience burnout,
But your specific way of experiencing it
is probably going to be different,
depending on who you are.
AN: And the factors that lead to burnout
are not just professional ones.
They are parenting and social activism
and anything where
you need to care and invest,
where there are ongoing demands
that are unmeetable expectations
and unceasing demands.
That is the formula, no matter
what context it’s in, for burnout.
CSB: Your work is around the stress cycle
and how we can complete it.
So, will you talk a little bit about that?
EN: Oh, yes! This is my favorite part.
So, the main thing
people need to begin with
is that there is a difference
between your stressors,
the things that cause your stress,
which is what Amelia was talking about —
the unmeetable goals and expectations,
your family issues and money …
Those are your stressors.
And then there’s your stress,
which is the physiological thing
that happens in your body
in response to any perceived threat.
And it’s largely the same
no matter what the threat is.
And evolutionarily,
we know the threat response as being
the fight, flight, freeze response
intended to help us run away from a lion.
So when you’re being chased by a lion
across the savanna of Africa,
what do you do?
You run, right?
So you use all this energy
that happens in your body,
all this adrenaline and cortisol,
every body system has been activated
to help with this escape
from the perceived threat —
your digestion and your immune system
and your hormones.
Everything is focused on this one goal,
including your cognition.
Your problem-solving is focused
just on this one problem,
and it will not let go,
because your life is at stake.
But you manage to get back
to your village,
and the lion gives up,
and you jump up and down and shout,
and people come and listen
to you tell the story,
and you hug each other,
and the sun seems to shine brighter.
And that is the complete
stress response cycle:
it has a beginning,
when you perceive the threat;
a middle, where you do something
with your body;
and an end, where your body
receives the signal
that it has escaped
from this potential threat,
and your body is now
a safe place for you to be.
Alas, we live in a world
where the behaviors
that deal with our stressors
are no longer the behaviors
that deal with the stress in our bodies.
We are almost never chased by lions.
Instead, our stressors are “The,”
capital T, capital F, “Future,”
or our children,
or a commute is, like,
the classic example.
When people have commutes,
it’s one of the most stressful
parts of their lives,
and your body activates
the same adrenaline and cortisol
and digestion and immune system,
and you finally get home, right?
You have dealt with your stressor.
Do you suddenly jump up and down
and feel grateful to be alive,
and the sun seems to shine brighter?
No, because you’ve dealt
with the stressor,
but that does not mean that
you’ve dealt with the stress itself.
This is excellent news, because it means
that you don’t have to wait
for your stressor to be gone
before you can begin to feel better,
because you can deal with the stress
while the stressor still exists.
Good thing, because most of our stressors
are what are called “chronic stressors,”
that are there day after day,
week after week, year after year.
And I hope people are like, “OK, so how do
I complete the stress response cycle?”
And we have a list of, like, a dozen
concrete, specific, evidence-based ways
to help people deal with
the stress response cycle.
But just taking the example of a commute:
you get out of your car
or you get off the bus,
and your shoulders
are trying to be your earrings,
and you’re grumpy and cranky
and still thinking about the jerk
who did I don’t know what.
And what you do is jumping jacks
in your driveway,
or you go for a long walk around the block
or you just tense
every muscle in your body,
standing outside your apartment door,
holding your breath, tense, tense,
tense for a slow count of 10.
Even just that little bit
of using your body
is what communicates to your body
that your body is now
a safe place for you to be.
You have to separate
dealing with the stress
from dealing with the thing
that caused the stress.
AN: And this need to deal with the stress
in a separate process from dealing with
the things that cause your stress
is why the doctor is telling me to relax
was not going to be an effective
means of recovering from burnout.
I had to deal with the stress in my body.
And if, let’s say,
you get out of your car,
and instead of doing
jumping jacks, you just say,
“OK, I’m going to relax now.
Relax now. You, relax!”
Not effective, right?
You’ve relaxed, but you haven’t changed
your body’s physiological state
into one of safety.
CSB: Totally.
And our first question from the audience.
OK, from Facebook, someone asks,
“How do you know whether
what you’re experiencing is burnout
or something else?”
EN: Yeah, ask a medical
professional for sure.
And there’s a lot of overlap between
burnout and lots of other experiences,
including depression and anxiety and grief
and rage and repressed rage —
we’ve all got it.
So our layperson’s definition
of burnout is, as you said,
that feeling of being overwhelmed
and exhausted by everything
you have to do,
while still worrying
that you’re not doing enough.
CSB: Mm hmm.
EN: If you feel like you are struggling
even to get out of bed
and get the basics done,
that goes beyond burnout.
Burnout is where you can show up for work,
but you spend your whole day fantasizing
about being at a different job.
AN: It’s important to know that “burnout”
is not a medical diagnosis,
it’s not a mental illness.
It’s a condition related
to overwhelming stress.
So it’s not like it puts you
in this different state
where you’re going to be trapped,
and you have to have
13 years of therapy and whatever.
It just means that you need to be
completing your stress response cycles.
CSB: Work burnout is just such
an important thing to talk about,
I think, for so many,
and I’m curious if we can
focus on that for a moment.
Like, what are some of the earliest
warning signs of professional burnout?
AN: Let’s say there’s two kinds of people.
There’s Emily people,
who are aware of what’s going on
in their bodies at all times.
And if they have signs of burnout,
they notice it just right away
because that’s how they do.
And then there’s people like me,
who never know what
their body is experiencing.
I didn’t notice I was burning out until
I was literally in the emergency room.
But one of the things that causes burnout
is our inability to recognize
the hard stuff welling up inside us.
And the solution is to be able
to turn toward the difficult feelings
with kindness and compassion and say,
“Oh, I feel stressed. I feel unreasonably
angry right now. I’m so cranky.
I wonder why that is,”
and instead of just trying to,
like, tell yourself to relax,
ask that feeling, “Why are you there?
What do you need from me?
What has to change?”
EN: One of the primary barriers
to listening to your body
is a fear of the uncomfortable feelings
that are happening in your body.
One of the things I say over and over,
we say it over and over in “Burnout,”
is that feelings are tunnels.
you have to go through the darkness
to get to the light at the end, right?
Feelings are tunnels. Stress is a tunnel.
You’ve got to work all the way through it.
Not that the stress is bad for you,
it’s getting stuck in the middle
that is bad for you,
never having an opportunity
to take your body through the cycle.
One of the reasons
why people don’t do that
is because they feel afraid
of their uncomfortable
internal experiences.
When I first started learning
this stuff explicitly —
we grew up in a family where
uncomfortable feelings were not allowed,
and the idea that feelings were tunnels,
I was just like,
“I don’t think that’s true.
I’m pretty sure that uncomfortable
feelings are caves with bats and rats
and snakes and a river of poison.
And if I begin to experience
my uncomfortable feelings,
I will be trapped forever in the dark
with the rats and the bats.”
I began a practice of noticing when
my body was experiencing a sensation,
allowing it to be and allowing it
to move all the way through.
And as I practiced that
with gentle emotions,
I began to be able to practice it with
more and more intense emotions,
both positive and negative,
intense emotions.
So that now when I’m confronted
with big, difficult stuff,
I trust that my body will go
all the way through the feelings
without me being trapped
in the dark with predators.
AN: And I started doing it 20 years after
Emily did, but it’s never too late,
you can always recover.
CSB: Let’s bring up another
audience question.
“How can you talk to
your manager or supervisor
about the fact that you’re experiencing
burnout and get real support?”
A question from Facebook.
EN: If you’re in a workplace
where you don’t feel like
you can say to your boss,
“My mammalian body
is having mammalian needs,
and I need to adjust my work situation
to accommodate the fact
that I live in a monkey suit,”
know that we consult all the time
with gigantic corporations
that are making active efforts
to incorporate acknowledging
people’s emotional and physical needs,
checking in at every meeting,
saying, “Where are you at?”,
asking people to become aware of
and more clear in expressing
how they feel
and promoting the idea that managers
should be ready to cope
when their supervisee comes in
and has a bunch of feelings
that they need to process
and move through.
So it exists. People are working on it.
I feel optimistic.
And I also know that there’s
a lot of workplaces
that are trapped
in this sort of, like, industrial,
super patriarchal, rabidly
individualistic mindset,
where you just need to protect yourself
against the toxic culture
by creating a bubble of love at home,
where everyone in your household
cares for your well-being
as much as you care for theirs.
CSB: How can people who feel truly stuck
take a first step towards wellness?
And how do you define wellness, too?
AN: We define wellness as:
the freedom to oscillate through
all the cycles of being human
from effort to rest,
from autonomy to connection …
And we always say that the cure
for burnout is not self-care,
cannot be self-care.
How can you be expected
to “self-care” your way out of burnout?
You can’t.
What you need is a bubble
of love around you,
people who care about your well-being
as much as you care about theirs,
who will turn toward you and say,
“You need a break.
I’m going to help you with this.
I’m going to step in in that way,”
or even just give you 15 minutes
for you to yell about whatever
the problems you feel at that moment
and just be on your side and go, “Yeah!
I can’t believe that happened to you!
I’m so on your side,” for 15 minutes.
Just that can give you
enough of a release
to feel a little bit better
to take one more step.
The cure for burnout is not self-care.
It is all of us caring for each other.
We can’t do it alone. We need each other.
EN: Making that happen in real life is,
of course, easier said than done.
And one of the things
that is my little reminder to myself
is that when I feel like I need more grit,
what I actually need is more help.
And when I look at
Amelia’s life, and I think,
“She needs more discipline,
she needs more perseverance,
she needs to work harder,”
what she actually needs is more kindness.
That’s the baseline culture change
that’s going to end burnout forever.
AN: And usually the next question
people ask us is,
“I don’t have anyone like that in my life.
I am the leader, I am the one
who’s doing all of the things.”
And the solution for that is probably
closer than you think.
I mean, I grew up in a household
where feelings were, like, not allowed
and we were not close our whole lives.
And then we started reading the research
that said that connection and sharing
support was the way out of burnout.
And we started trying,
and we, like, broke down
this 30-year barrier of, you know,
societal and family pressure not to, like,
feel our feelings around each other.
And it turns out that if you
feel like you’re isolated,
there’s probably someone on the other
side of that wall, it turns out,
who wants just as much as you
to connect with someone else.
And we’ve been isolated
because we’ve been told
that it’s stronger to be independent.
It’s not true.
We’re going to be healthier
and stronger when we work together.
There’s probably someone already waiting
who also wants the kind
of relationship that you are desiring.
CSB: I think that’s just so nice to hear,
too, in the pandemic,
when we’re all feeling so isolated.
We have one final question
we’d like to bring up from the audience,
that we’ll have to keep brief.
So let’s bring that up.
OK. “What can you do about burnout
if you are a teacher,
where every day is filled with stressors?
AN: I taught school for five years.
That’s how long I made it.
I burned out after four years
and then I pushed through one more year.
If you have any possible means
of reducing the everyday stressors
by getting involved
in administrative decisions,
that’s great, but that’s
almost never the case.
The thing, number one, is to complete
the stress response cycle.
You can exercise if that works for you.
A good night’s sleep will do it.
How do I get a good night’s sleep
when I have to get up at 5am?
You have to go to bed earlier,
and that means your whole family
has to give you permission
to go to bed earlier.
They have to cherish your sleep
the way you cherish theirs.
You can use your imagination
and imagine yourself pummeling
all of the stressors into the ground.
And you recover from that,
because your imagination
doesn’t know the difference
between pummeling the stressors
in your imagination
versus pummeling them in real life.
And you surround yourself
with a bubble of love,
other teachers who can support you
and tell you, “Yes, you deserve care.
You are a valuable, educated,
wonderful human being.
You are not just, you know,
Darth Vader dealing with these kids.
You are a valuable person who deserves
resources, who deserves care,
who deserves love, who deserves
freedom to oscillate.”
CSB: Thank you both so much
for joining us together
and for teaching us about burnout
and the stress cycle.
This has been really illuminating.
So, thanks for your time.
EN: Thank you so much. AN: Thanks.
Science & Technology4 years ago
CNET4 years ago
Wired6 years ago
People & Blogs3 years ago
Wired6 years ago
Wired6 years ago
Wired6 years ago
CNET5 years ago
nel.
June 14, 2021 at 6:54 pm
For what I am currently through right now, the timing of this could not have been more perfect
Thank you for this!!!!!!!!!!!
condemn her name
June 14, 2021 at 6:59 pm
ugh, such a great talk. ugh. uuuugh. BE KIND TO PEOPLE 🙂
Vlad Igor
June 14, 2021 at 7:22 pm
Everytime I’m stressed out I will walk for hours on end in my house or my room and also talk about the issue to myself until I’m finally done with the issue, is this one of the ways to deal with the stress.. Because I feel like I’m talking it out in a way.
Eva Eris
June 14, 2021 at 11:44 pm
I find that journalin helps me with this alot
Mr. D
June 14, 2021 at 7:24 pm
Bubble of love at home? I live alone now.
echoven
June 14, 2021 at 7:25 pm
TED should be VERY proud of themselves for hosting an otherwisely abled (down syndrome) woman for this video! She had some many UNIQUE insights!
4thelORD
June 14, 2021 at 7:31 pm
PRAYER -MEDITATION CHRIST IS MY STRENGTH
Kay
June 14, 2021 at 7:47 pm
I pretty much cried the whole way through this
Mr. Jay
June 14, 2021 at 7:56 pm
Thank you so much !!
Buzz William
June 14, 2021 at 8:04 pm
*Love this video thanks to you*
The rich invest their money first into assets instead of purchasing liabilities. Take a wise decision today and invest in cryptocurrency.
Lucy Leah
June 14, 2021 at 8:48 pm
Thanks for the recommendation guys this is really helpful for my situation right now
Alexander Jacob
June 14, 2021 at 8:51 pm
I will text him soon as I can
Logan Mason
June 14, 2021 at 8:52 pm
Cryptocurrency will become a one world currency before 2025 mark my words people
Wyatt Jack
June 14, 2021 at 8:53 pm
@Logan Mason
True👌
Mufidah Abdullahi
June 14, 2021 at 8:55 pm
Our economy is really bad, stocks are bad and I lost a lot of money in the stock market. I think it’s high time I start investing in bitcoin.
Mysterious Chaos
June 14, 2021 at 8:36 pm
Emotionally immature people see that need as a weakness–as codependence. We’re all a little codependent. We go crazy without another person around, it’s been proven.
schtum1
June 14, 2021 at 8:42 pm
Thanks for this video and explanation. Very informative. I think the biggest problem with burnout is it’s so hard to find your way out. Vicious cycle of abnormal over activity.
Read my ABOUT section PLEASE
June 14, 2021 at 8:47 pm
*Got an extra $1?* Savin’ to get a laptop (homejob). No opportunities outside due to constant lockdowns in our country. 😷 I’m not a bad person, just a desperate breadwinner. Lost a lot since 2020. So sorry about this. 🙏
*Prayers and well-wishes are also very much appreciated. 😇*
Off-topic, I know… I hope you understand the desperation. I know some people need more help than me and my family but I do hope that does not invalidate my cry for help. 😔
Things are getting worse here. We don’t have stimulus checks or anything like USA. So I’m just really doing whatever I can to put food on the table. We may not be killed by the virus but the situation is surely slowly killing us. 💔😢
*Peace be with you. GOD bless. 🙏❤*
*And to anyone who’s also struggling, let’s hold on tight. All will soon be well. 🌹💌*
mh mohsin
June 14, 2021 at 8:48 pm
❤️
Raquel C. C.
June 14, 2021 at 9:48 pm
Such a great talk!! I’m so glad this is being spread
Clare Bimson
June 14, 2021 at 10:05 pm
Really enjoyed this and just bought their book so looking forward to reading that
Martin Ridge
June 14, 2021 at 10:14 pm
And back in the real world… Time? External and internal responsibilities? Accepting the fact that real life is dangerous. Sorry but this is just useless unless you don’t choose life as life is hard and requires effort and this means serious pressure. If you don’t accept the pressure of responsibility you will not learn and will be stuck in a self help echo chamber. You will go nowhere.
zaharee abubakari
June 14, 2021 at 10:19 pm
Wow! This came at the right time for me. Thank you
Vlady Yakovenko
June 14, 2021 at 11:11 pm
wow
Tumelo Mapheto
June 14, 2021 at 11:53 pm
Thank you 🙌
Kara Marie
June 14, 2021 at 11:59 pm
The title is misleadingly because the strategies provided are all forms of self-care.
Billy Rowe
June 15, 2021 at 12:12 am
I needed this video times one bazillion gazillion.
Bill Wong
June 15, 2021 at 12:32 am
This is great. I wish an occupational therapy practitioner is being interviewed as well. As a TEDx organizer who also is an occupational therapist, I think it will be good to reach out to some of my peers who address this issue from a healthcare professional’s perspective.
Edw𝖆𝖗d L𝖆w𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝑜𝑓
June 15, 2021 at 1:02 am
🇬🇧 🇬🇧 |
Thank you. TED. I Love You .
______________________________
We have the P⃝ower✪ to make the world🌐 we seek |,
but only if we have the
courage to make a new beginning, keeping in mind what has been
We have the power to make the world we seek,
but only if we have the
courage to make a new beginning, keeping in mind what has been
written.
▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂
The Holy 🅚🅞🅡🅐🅝 tells us: “O mankind! We have created you male and a
female; and we have made you into nations and tribes so that you may know one another.”
❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉
The 🅣🅐🅛🅜🅤🅓 tells us: “The whole of the Torah is for the purpose of
promoting ✿⃝ 🇵 🇪 🇦 🇨 🇪 | √ | .”
❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉ ❉
The Holy 🅑🅘🅑🅛🅔 tells us: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be
called sons of G⃝od.”
joao victor dos santo severino
June 15, 2021 at 1:18 am
well, billionaires escaped the lion$
Joey Cool
June 15, 2021 at 1:23 am
I have burn out at every job I do after about 3-6 months
Dakota Ovdan
June 15, 2021 at 1:43 am
Stress can cause so much harm if its not taken care of. Glad people are talking about it!
Starving Artists Collective
June 15, 2021 at 2:08 am
Goodness!!! A lot of sexist crap going on in these comments!!
Robyn Corwin
June 15, 2021 at 3:33 am
It’s very apparent these two care nothing about there appearance I would never hire either
Lori79Butterfly
June 15, 2021 at 3:56 am
The only way I could outrun a lion would be if the lion was old and arthritic! 😂 Only exercice burns cortisol but if you have a physical disability this can be very tricky.
Some managers would just mock you if you told them you were burned out, however, many workplaces have Employee Care Programs that are confidential.
Nitty Gritty
June 15, 2021 at 4:27 am
Hey. Thank you.
Pixelwash
June 15, 2021 at 5:13 am
It made me stressed listening to these “experts.”
pokemon lover
June 15, 2021 at 6:10 am
Nice
Mr Gray
June 15, 2021 at 6:20 am
Ted is becoming so detached from the common person.
haifisher
June 15, 2021 at 7:06 am
I feel like their definition of “self-care” is way too narrow.
A. George
June 16, 2021 at 8:13 pm
If the video isn’t explaining how to care for your self I don’t know what its purpose is.
Justine
June 15, 2021 at 8:02 am
One of the most valuable topics addressed by this organization in a very long time.
Oscar Khoza
June 15, 2021 at 9:37 am
That example of a lion and running to a village, thats some bullshit right there…shocking to learn there are still some people who people Africa is just one jungle with lions and villages
Carlos Kluge
June 15, 2021 at 10:22 am
She lost all credibility when she said “Dark Vader” :-))
Gail C
June 15, 2021 at 10:50 am
So relatable! I didn’t realise I was burning out until I was barely eating because of stress and lost so much weight. Thank you for this because my way of dealing with burn out is to just sleep it off.
supercalafragilisticjoy
June 15, 2021 at 11:17 am
Oh man, watching this whole thing thinking, “Okay, but what about teachers who have no time to destress and it’s just constant…” and then the last question came up.
I feel you.
moeyx_dw
June 15, 2021 at 11:28 am
I thought the thumbnail was the before and aftermath of a burn out lmfaooo
MATEUS REIS HENRIQUE RICARDO
June 15, 2021 at 12:21 pm
oi
MATEUS REIS HENRIQUE RICARDO
June 15, 2021 at 12:21 pm
LEGS
ミスターミドーナッツ
June 15, 2021 at 3:20 pm
リスニングより聞きやすい
Gabja
June 15, 2021 at 5:35 pm
So, “having a positive network” (what if you don’t or can’t get one), “recognizing your feelings/listening to your body”, “use your imagination”, “surround yourself with a bubble if love” …
Etc , etc.
I feel like this is very generic “advice” and info …
Ugh
Bunny Flop
June 15, 2021 at 9:49 pm
Very insightful! Thank you Cloe, Emily and Amelia!
Jennifer Bates
June 16, 2021 at 12:59 am
OMFG!! I’m listening to “Come As You Are” now!!! She’s amazing. I would love to take her class.
Stress has such a massive impact on our lives, our brain and hearts are so impacted.
I’m 44 (F) and I have ADHD and PMDD, so I’ve been listening my mind and body for a while now.
27p16and41p666
June 16, 2021 at 2:54 am
I actually do not believe in stress this way, it is not good to compare the quick stress response with longtime stress and want tne longtime one to become the first one. It is not something new! People have had longtime stress for centuries, even thousands of years! Feudalism or long wars for example. And that means, I think we should revisit this theory of it being new and our body not used to it
Kat Bek
June 16, 2021 at 10:16 am
This was lovely! Thank you all!
mastervule
June 16, 2021 at 10:55 am
How to deal with modern stress and burnout? Get a lion to chase you to complete that stress cycle 😛
David Granados
June 16, 2021 at 1:54 pm
The Darth Vader line…*chef’s kiss* 😘
IAN Buick
June 16, 2021 at 2:38 pm
Cure for burnout is watching highspeed chase, pimple popping, and cat fail video on YouTube when you’re supposed to do something else.
Yira Varga
June 16, 2021 at 4:27 pm
Thank you. This answered so many difficult and impossible things for me. People like this speak the truth. Moving through whatever the nervous system is dealing with is the real deal. Not once did someone mention somatic experience, but that is entirely what they are talking about. We do need others who can support our efforts to move toward health and wholeness. Don’t do it alone. When you feel like the going gets rough, don’t get going, ask for others to join you in the getting going, ask for support.
Honore des Lysses
June 16, 2021 at 4:42 pm
I’ve been a chef for thirty years and the expectation for perfection, not only for yourself but your staff, as well, is always priority number one. Long hours on your feet in a hot kitchen without breaks is the norm. The food service industry is also notorious for belittling and berating behavior when things don’t go 100% not to mention sexual harassment, which in any other business would not be tolerated. It takes its toll on many of us to the point of physical and emotional exhaustion and in many cases leads to negative coping mechanisms. Drug and alcohol abuse are commonplace and in some extreme cases lead to suicide. Sadly this profession is difficult to leave so burnout is almost inevitable. Thanks for video.
Kaeda Tiger
June 21, 2021 at 10:29 am
It doesn’t helpthat a lot of people in that field have limited options.
JAY
June 16, 2021 at 8:52 pm
To get to a debriefing session, you do need accept self-care.
Sundayjean
June 16, 2021 at 10:08 pm
Sounds like a deeper understanding of self care – knowing what you need and being willing to do it.
Lori Hoefler
June 16, 2021 at 10:55 pm
This is genius!! THANK YOU!!! I feel like I’ve been stuck in the tunnel forever!!
James L
June 17, 2021 at 2:37 am
According to Robert Sapolsky, hierarchy, specifically with alphas on top are the worst and biggest stressors of humanity. When they no longer exist, the amount of stress that you discuss go away.
Emily Williams
June 20, 2021 at 11:12 pm
Then why is it that when a flat structure is practiced in real life nations, it leads to millions of deaths? I.e. Maoist China, Stalinist Russia, North Korea.
James L
June 20, 2021 at 11:50 pm
@Emily Williams It isn’t flat. That’s the first mistake with your premise. Alphas/psychopaths/sociopaths/narcissists/people that would score high not the Hare Inventory rise to the top in any economic and social system. It’s never flat, ever. The differences are that in those systems, power is totalitarian. There’s no choice, but the hierarchy is still there. While we have choices in the west, the stress and consequences of that hierarchy still exist, it’s just not as bad.
Emily Williams
June 21, 2021 at 8:25 pm
@James L I just read Sapolsky’s research – it’s very interesting and I now see your point.
K Forest
June 17, 2021 at 11:19 am
Yes, self care is the answer and the sure way is by removing the demanding clock economy begs attention for. People have to learn to serve themselves for the sake of self reliance as human development because this economy today is only pathetic as covid has proven.
Susan Zoeckler
June 17, 2021 at 6:11 pm
When nothing else helps — not meditation, a healthy snack, a walk with my dog, talking with a friend, nada …. I blast my favorite music & dance. This combo works EVERY TIME! 💃
Andrea Garcia
June 20, 2021 at 3:58 am
Me too!!!!!!!
Sarah Ranjbarian
June 18, 2021 at 5:26 am
Who else here is a student?
Ella Jean
June 18, 2021 at 6:54 am
Corporate workshops, eh? Jeff Bezos needs to hire them so he can understand his warehouse staff. That could begin to change the world.
Christophe Thompson
June 18, 2021 at 3:13 pm
The comment about Darth Vader dealing with kids… Oh no… It was kinda funny to me but probably shouldn’t be.
David Thatcher
June 18, 2021 at 9:24 pm
I’d buy their book but they specifically wrote it for women. Any suggestions for something that would apply to me?
Todd Vandenbark
June 19, 2021 at 2:48 am
Thank you for your talk. I never knew about flowing through and out the other side of stressful events.
CARRINGTON BARMORE
June 19, 2021 at 9:27 pm
Now, image being black and you have to deal with a place/work force/country that is not for you. Stressful, especially in the summer of 2020. And this place is made for y’all comfort. Crazy.
Andrea Garcia
June 20, 2021 at 3:57 am
These 2 looked so annoying BUT holy crap they are awesome !!!!
Shu Meister
June 20, 2021 at 9:24 am
In real life there’s no support from work place. You have to learn to set boundaries. Basically learning to say no to unrealistic expectations. eg. I would if I could, but I’m sorry I can’t help you. Insert any non negotiable reasons, even if it’s not true. Because anyone that respects you would’ve respected your boundaries in the first place.
PinkSallyProductions
June 20, 2021 at 10:11 pm
Excellent! Thank you 🌹
Philip Anthony Kenny
June 21, 2021 at 7:45 am
❤❤❤
knightmare
June 22, 2021 at 3:58 pm
I thought thumbnail was before and after burnout
Leticia Heron
June 23, 2021 at 8:35 pm
So before we clock in every day (I work in a grocery store deli), every employee has to check in with a store manager or head clerk so they can “go over a list of symptoms” (not really anymore, we all have them memorized by now), and if you have 3 or more symptoms then you have to go home and probably get COVID tested idk. So lately we’ve been short handed, and working too many days, and too many hours, so I walk into the front office, manager says “got any symptoms?” And I say “well I feel exhausted and I have stress stomach” and he’s like “well that’s only 2, here’s your sticker 👍🏼😀.” I know he’s not wrong but it’s still annoying. One time we were going over symptoms and I’m like “well every morning right before I leave for work, I get so anxious that I get diarrhea, but after that and a few deep breaths I’m ok.” And he says I should get out and ride my bike more again. I mean he’s not wrong but like I’m tired man lol get up early to work, clock out when it’s dark out, when I should ride a bike???
Leticia Heron
June 23, 2021 at 8:36 pm
So before we clock in every day (I work in a grocery store deli), every employee has to check in with a store manager or head clerk so they can “go over a list of symptoms” (not really anymore, we all have them memorized by now), and if you have 3 or more symptoms then you have to go home and probably get COVID tested idk. So lately we’ve been short handed, and working too many days, and too many hours, so I walk into the front office, manager says “got any symptoms?” And I say “well I feel exhausted and I have stress stomach” and he’s like “well that’s only 2, here’s your sticker 👍🏼😀.” I know he’s not wrong but it’s still annoying. One time we were going over symptoms and I’m like “well every morning right before I leave for work, I get so anxious that I get diarrhea, but after that and a few deep breaths I’m ok.” And he says I should get out and ride my bike more again. I mean he’s not wrong but like I’m tired man lol get up early to work, clock out when it’s dark out, when I should ride a bike??? This reminded me of that lol
Definitely relate to stress induced abdominal pain lol
Bernhard Hentschel
June 24, 2021 at 11:34 pm
When you tense every muscle every time you feel burnt out you will end up being tensed.
DarkFlame
June 25, 2021 at 8:06 am
Hold on, did she just recommend imagining beating up kids?
DutchRonin
June 25, 2021 at 5:00 pm
Finally, a TED talk worth watching again.
Sarah Quinn
June 25, 2021 at 9:56 pm
What happens if you are Solo in this world???
ZE .ZE
June 26, 2021 at 2:12 pm
4:42 What part of Africa have you been?
What village of Africa that’s nearby lions’ territory?
Please show one individual who escaped from a lion chase by running to his village?
Eugene Kim-Ono
June 27, 2021 at 2:01 am
well hello there, I come here for informed advice on my current situation so I can live at least a decent, productive life. what I’m asking is that if burnout is a sense of feeling of being overwhelmed and exhausted, while worrying you’re not doing enough. Then what do you call it when you lose almost all investment and motivation for past interests, likely as a result of prolonged stress, and you even struggle to even get prepared for the things you were interested/cared about and prepared for more quickly prior to losing those interests?
Phaden Swan DeMil
June 27, 2021 at 2:13 pm
Everyone should be taught about burn out since they start school basically. Because students experience burnout too. It’s just the result of the education system emphasising grades over everything. Hustle culture — all-nighters, pushing yourself to the limit — is glorified by society and students internalise these messages until they are unable to recognise when they are burned out. Because they think being emotionally exhausted means you’re not trying hard enough.
I failed half of my classes this year when I got A’s for half of my classes last year. So yeah, I know burn out all too well… It’s ok though, I have the support of my family and I’m currently easing my way back to my studies after a month long break. I’m not sure if I’m prepared for the future though, (getting the results to my finals, deciding whether or not I should retake my exam, applying for university, etc) but I’m taking it one step at a time.
Flora Bernstein
June 27, 2021 at 8:33 pm
Brilliant! It’s just me, living in a monkey suit.
Adrianna Marszał
June 28, 2021 at 4:54 pm
For how closed emotionally they say their families were for over 30 years, it’s wonderful to see these sisters connect on a deep emotional level and speak up about that 🙂
Jordan Fisher
June 29, 2021 at 3:24 am
Good talk. Verrrry awkward ending 😐
AyaTsuyuri
June 30, 2021 at 2:07 am
This should be played in every company
jhangelgurl
July 2, 2021 at 1:57 pm
Was not expecting my high school’s music teacher here! 😱 I didn’t have her as a teacher, but I was part of the drama club.
Akiliz
July 4, 2021 at 9:53 am
“The cure is not self-care, it is all of us caring to each other”. Self-care is a capitalist solution that pushes us to be as individualist as possible.
Mikey Makes ASMR
July 5, 2021 at 6:40 am
this knowledge is so valuable
Imen Hashim
July 5, 2021 at 7:49 am
You should really preface that whole “doctor” intro there with PhD or something. Im a med student here, and when i hear 2 doctors being introduced to talk about burnout im thinking, “oh okay, these are people who really KNOW the ringer and have had real struggles” then you bring out a lady with a DOCTORATE IN MUSIC?? to talk about burnout? lmao. im sorry, but no. Literally ANY S.T.E.M. and i wouldnt have said a word… but a lady with a doctorate in fuckin music, man? real? c’mon. People literally use that as a meme ffs.
Courtney Schwartz
July 6, 2021 at 4:33 pm
Sounds like you need to realize other professions are allowed to get advanced degrees, too. Neither is it their fault that English uses the same term for both, when other languages don’t. Lastly, truth is allowed to come from people that aren’t medical; conversely, plenty of medical doctors dispense BS. Yes, you’ve put in a lot of work, but you’re not the sole authority.
A69 Tejas
August 3, 2021 at 7:31 am
The worst part about burnout is that people think it is laziness. If you were motivated before you will be again, just go through it ☺️
ToLiveInspired
August 3, 2021 at 4:58 pm
We often see “Self-Care” as the way that society has promoted it to us. The things they are talking about are true self-care (self-preservation) tending to our wellness. It’s not a one size fit’s all and it’s not about bubble baths and on bons. It’s hydrating, tending to your own health (mental and physical) and that may look different for each one of us depending on the season of our lives.
Casey Tkacz
August 4, 2021 at 1:53 pm
So basically this goes against the oppressive tenants of capitalism. I’m all in.
Kay E
August 4, 2021 at 2:55 pm
Very important information.
1. Emotions are a tunnel. The only way out is through.
2. Completing your stress cycle daily is how to mange chronic stress. This is the real way to “relax.”
3. We need supportive relationships that encourage us to do 1 and 2.
Mary Baksheeva
August 5, 2021 at 1:07 am
That was surprisingly quite helpful thanks
Jean Taylor
August 5, 2021 at 7:44 am
Ah yes – the commute… that was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. Five hours a day just travelling.
Jimi Hendrixx
August 5, 2021 at 2:03 pm
Wow thank you so much. This works! 1000%
T Hilarity
August 5, 2021 at 5:23 pm
The ‘stress induced’ abdominal pain diagnosis, then backed up by someone that close, rather than questioned or explored, was just hard to hear. Mostly because stress or anxiety is the go-to diagnosis for a huge number of women with symptoms. It is, IMO, a diagnosis that should be a last resort when nothing else is found, and yet it is often option 2-3, if not option 1, when women have gut pain, headaches, fatigue, etc…
Let’s be real- there was not enough TIME to make an accurate diagnosis for this person, doesn’t sound like.
Did they test for celiac disease? Because stress makes people often change their diet and can therefore change symptoms.
Did they get tested for autoimmune diseases at all? 75% of AI patients are women and the majority of them go undiagnosed for years, can cause symptoms like headaches and gut issues in the beginning, and stress can make symptoms worse. Oh and lets not forget, a survey study found about 45% of AI patients have been told, before finally being diagnosed, that their symptoms were simply stress/anxiety or ‘all in their heads.’
Not dissing the ideas to help lower stress and burnout, but truly, any diagnosis of stress or anxiety for women should be treated with skepticism unless there was significant testing done beforehand.
faeriesmak
August 6, 2021 at 2:03 pm
I was burned out from being a wife, a parent to 2 kids with ADHD, and a caregiver to my elderly Mother and then add in the pandemic. I actually ended up finding a therapist through Better Help and that seems to have helped a great deal. Its kind of expensive, though, and I went through 4 therapists before I found one that was good.
Hunter Winslow
August 6, 2021 at 5:48 pm
Wow this is super helpful
blossomkitty
August 6, 2021 at 8:56 pm
Okay so when burn out doesn’t need to be work related than I have got a big aha moment here.
I have burn out from a difficult relationship I got out of and haven’t recovered yet.
Marie-Eve Bélanger
August 7, 2021 at 4:01 pm
Everything you said IS self-care in my eye. I think people have no idea what self-care means apart from taking a bath and journaling.
SELF-CARE is making sure your needs are met. That’s it. 🤷♀️
GiveEmElle
August 8, 2021 at 11:09 am
“One of the things that is my little reminder to myself is that when I feel like I need more grit, what I actually need is more help. And when I look at Amelia’s life and I think ‘she needs more discipline, needs more perserverance, she needs to work harder’… what she actually needs is more kindness.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
April Higham
August 9, 2021 at 1:45 pm
Ha ask your health professional. That doesn’t mean doctor. They have lived in burnout for over 10 years of unrealistic school and weren’t taught how to process it
Kaila Motz
August 9, 2021 at 10:03 pm
‘The freedom to oscillate’ sooo well put
Michele Taylor
August 10, 2021 at 4:36 am
With me being autistic, I am not sure this would work for me.
Teresa Messenger
August 10, 2021 at 10:34 pm
Wonderful!!
Bennett Clarke
August 12, 2021 at 12:20 am
“Your shoulders are trying to be your earrings”
Lory Lozano
August 12, 2021 at 12:35 am
My mammalian body is having mammalian needs. 😂 ..currently In search of my bubble of love.
Gurgle blurgle
August 12, 2021 at 3:01 am
But see, I would define self care as taking care of yourself, which includes, but is not limited to, exercising when you need to and making sure you get enough sleep.
Erica McQueen
August 14, 2021 at 7:29 pm
I am a nurse and single mother. This has been extremely enlightening and valuable information.
Ruzantsu
August 15, 2021 at 4:30 pm
Welp, sadly my fam didn’t and can’t learn about my problems, they are pretty extreme, I learnt that true love, the type that is completely healthy give and take and even selfless and selfish…
I have to in the end keep suffering cuz I’m too young to have a person who is intelligent enough to do this for me for free, all the time.
CUZ THAT’S WHAT I SADLY NEED.
SOMETHING THAT’S RARE 😭
Sayre Wilkin-Dalby
August 15, 2021 at 4:38 pm
Wow. Hearing it described, “Unmeetable expectation and unceasing demand” is a perfectly succinct description. That’s the definition of why my last job gave me such bad burnout it took almost a year after leaving for my brain to fully function again.
Anita Campos
August 15, 2021 at 7:59 pm
I wish I had those two in my bubble of love, what great human beings you are!
Antonia O
August 16, 2021 at 10:11 am
That running across Africa being chased by a lion analogy was a bit cringy