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Adam Grant: How to stop languishing and start finding flow | TED

Have you found yourself staying up late, joylessly bingeing TV shows and doomscrolling through the news, or simply navigating your day uninspired and aimless? Chances are you’re languishing, says organizational psychologist Adam Grant — a psychic malaise that has become all too common after many months of the pandemic. He breaks down the key indicators…

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Have you found yourself staying up late, joylessly bingeing TV shows and doomscrolling through the news, or simply navigating your day uninspired and aimless? Chances are you’re languishing, says organizational psychologist Adam Grant — a psychic malaise that has become all too common after many months of the pandemic. He breaks down the key indicators of languishing and presents three ways to escape that “meh” feeling and start finding your flow.

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I know you all have long to-do lists,

but I hate wasting time so much
that I have a to-don’t list.

Don’t scroll on social media,

don’t check my phone in bed

and don’t turn on the TV

unless I already know
what I want to watch.

But last year I found myself
breaking all of those rules.

I was staying up way past midnight,

doomscrolling,

playing endless games of online Scrabble

and bingeing entire seasons of TV shows
that weren’t even good.

The next morning I’d wake up in a daze

and swear, “Tonight in bed by 10:00.”

But it kept happening
night after night for weeks.

What was I thinking?

As an organizational psychologist,

I have spent my whole career
studying motivation,

so it really bothers me
when I can’t explain my own behavior.

I wasn’t depressed. I still had hope.
Wasn’t burned out, had energy.

Wasn’t lonely, I was with my family.

I just felt a little bit aimless
and a little bit joyless.

Eventually, I remembered
there’s a name for that feeling:

languishing.

Languishing as a sense of emptiness,
stagnation and ennui.

It was coined by a sociologist Corey Keyes

and immortalized
by a philosopher, Mariah Carey.

(Laughter)

When you’re languishing, it just feels
like you’re muddling through your days,

looking at your life
through a foggy windshield.

So I’m curious how many of you have felt
like that over the past few months.

OK, those of you who didn’t have
the energy to raise your hands —

(Laughter)

you might be languishing right now.

And you over here who didn’t laugh,
you’re definitely languishing.

Strangely enough —

[How are you feeling today?
Meh. Meh. Meh.]

(Laughter)

Some of you passed the quiz.

Strangely enough, what rescued me
from that feeling was playing Mario Kart.

But let’s back up for a second.

In the early days of covid,

a lot of us were struggling
with fear, grief and isolation.

But as the pandemic dragged on
with no end in sight,

our acute anguish
gave way to chronic languish.

We were all living in “Groundhog Day.”

It felt like the whole world
was stagnating.

So I wrote an article
to put languishing on the map.

I called it “the neglected
middle child of mental health”

and I suggested it might be
the dominant emotion of our time.

And soon it was everywhere.

I was seeing it all over the media,

being discussed
by celebrities, by royalty.

I’ve never seen people so excited

to talk about their
utter lack of excitement.

(Laughter)

And —

I think —

I think that naming languishing

helped people make sense
of some puzzling experiences.

Why even after getting vaccinated

people were having trouble
looking forward to the rest of the year.

Why when “National Treasure” came on TV,

my wife already knew
all the words by heart.

And why I was staying up way too late,

falling victim to what’s known
as revenge bedtime procrastination.

(Laughter)

We were looking for bliss in a blah day
and purpose in a perpetual pandemic.

But languishing
is not unique to a pandemic.

It’s part of the human condition.

Two decades of research show
that languishing can disrupt your focus

and dampen your motivation.

It’s also a risk factor for depression

because languishing
often lurks below the surface.

You might not notice
when your drive is dwindling

or your delight is dulling

You’re indifferent
to your own indifference,

which means you don’t seek help

and you might not even do anything
to help yourself.

Meh.

Languishing isn’t
just hard to spot, though.

In many cultures,
it’s hard to talk about, too.

When people ask, “How are you?,”

you’re expected to say, “Great!”

or “Living my best life.”

That’s called toxic positivity.

(Laughter)

It’s the pressure that we face to be
optimistic and upbeat at all times.

If you say, “You know, I’m just OK,”

then people might encourage you
to look on the bright side

or count your blessings,

which isn’t just annoying.

It can actually be bad advice.

Can I get two volunteers?

I will cold-call if I have to,
don’t all jump at once.

OK, right over here.

You can come up to a mic

and can I get another volunteer
right over there, up to this mic, please.

A round of applause
for our two volunteers.

(Applause)

Hi, what’s your name?

Martin: Martin.

Adam Grant: Thank you.

Can you tell us three good things
about your life, please?

Martin: I’m married
and I’m healthy and I’m happy.

AG: All right, I’m glad
the marriage came in first.

Well done. OK, over here.
What’s your name?

Lee: Lee.

AG: Lee, can you tell us
42 good things about your life?

Lee: My cat Titchypoo, my dog Enzo.

And so my wife, Jazz.

AG: Third behind the dog and the cat.

(Laughter)

Well played.

Lee: My children, Indio and Walter,

Manchester United Football Club,

my friends, TED.

AG: TED coming in at
ringing eighth.

Lee: TED is very high, TED is very high.

The poetry of C.S. Lewis,
E.E. Cummings, Dylan Thomas.

AG: You want to name
all the poets you’ve ever heard of?

Alright, Lee, thank you.

We’re going to pause you there.

Round of applause. Thank you both.

(Applause)

So for a long time,
I assumed that people in Lee’s position

were going to be happier than Martin.

But when I ran the experiment,
I found the exact opposite.

That people who are randomly assigned
to count more blessings,

are actually, on average, less happy

because you start to run
out of things to be optimistic about.

And if you don’t know that many poets …

(Laughter)

The harder it is to find
good things about your life,

the more you feel like,
well, maybe my life isn’t that good.

In the early days of the pandemic,

researchers found that the best predictor
of well-being was not optimism.

It was flow.

Flow is that feeling of being in the zone,

coined by the psychologist
Mihály Csíkszentmihályi.

It’s that state of total
absorption in an activity.

For you, it might be cooking
or running or gardening

where you lose track of time

and you might even lose
your sense of self.

Flow is the appeal of a Netflix binge

because you get transported
into a different world

and immersed in a story.

But bingeing is a temporary escape
from languishing, not a cure.

At best, it leaves you
with a bunch of asymmetric relationships.

You might love hanging out
with your friends:

Chandler,

Arya,

Dwight,

Buffy — Buffy, anyone? —

(Laughter)

Joe Exotic,

Peppa Pig.

(Whispers) But they don’t know you exist.

Bingeing is passive engagement
in a fictional world,

peak flow depends on active participation

in the real world,

which is why I was so surprised
to find my flow

while driving a cartoon car
in a Nintendo game.

When the pandemic first started,

all three of our kids
were at home in online school,

and that lasted for a full year.

It was not easy.

One day we found this
on our six-year-old’s report card.

[can independently mute and unmute
himself when requested to do so]

(Laughter)

You know, I know some adults who still
haven’t figured that out yet,

not just online, but in real life, too.

So I guess we had that to celebrate.

But like many of you,
we were isolated from extended family.

My sister was halfway across the country.

And one day we were reminiscing
about how much we love playing Mario Kart

as we were kids.

And she said, “Well,
we could all play together online now.”

Why don’t we start a family game?

And soon we were playing every day

with a video call
running at the same time.

And after a couple of weeks
I stopped feeling so blah.

I was living zen in the art of Mario Kart.

(Laughter)

In the morning our kids were waking up,
asking what time we would play.

They were excited.

And they loved it when I would gloat
about an impending victory,

only to be bombed by a flying blue shell

and then just sit there
watching all three of our kids

drive past me to the finish line
in tiny go-carts.

We had so much fun that we started
a new Saturday night tradition

after the kids were asleep.

Adult Mario Kart.

(Laughter)

So after reflecting on that experience,

I’m proud to present to you
for the first time

my Mario Kart theory of peak flow.

It has three conditions:
mastery, mindfulness and mattering.

Let’s start with mastery.

Mastery is something

a lot of us have been having
a hard time finding lately.

(Laughter)

Psychologists find that at work

the strongest factor
in daily motivation and joy

is a sense of progress.

We find that our happiness
depends in Western cultures

more on how our projects are going today
than how they went yesterday.

That’s why Nike says, “Just do it.”

I guess if Nike had been started
in a more past-focused country like China,

their slogan would be, “Just did it.”

If languishing is stagnation,
flow involves momentum.

But mastery does not have to be
a big accomplishment,

it can be small wins.

Small wins explain
why I was drawn to online Scrabble

for the rush of playing
a seven-letter word.

Small wins makes sense
of why so many people were thrilled

to bake their first loaf
of sourdough bread.

And small wins explain
why one engineer spent an entire afternoon

mastering the art of stacking M&M’s
on top of each other.

Take a look.

(Video) This is going to be
harder than I thought.

Oh!

Oh!

Five M&Ms! Five M&Ms!

(Laughter)

AG: Turns out that was a world record.

(Laughter)

That kind of mastery depends
on a second condition for flow,

mindfulness.

Focusing your full attention
on a single task,

not something a lot of us
are doing that much these days.

[Are you OK? You’re barely paying
attention to your book, phone, show … ]

[ … laptop and the crossword
you started ten minutes ago.]

There’s evidence that on average,
people are checking emails 74 times a day,

switching tasks every 10 minutes,

and that creates
what’s been called time confetti,

where we take what could be
meaningful moments of our lives

and we shred them

into increasingly tiny, useless pieces.

Time confetti is an enemy
of both energy and of excellence.

If we want to find flow,
we need better boundaries.

[It keeps me from looking at my phone
every two seconds.]

(Laughter)

When I think about boundaries,

I think of an experiment
by organizational scholar Leslie Perlow.

She went to a Fortune 500 company
and she tested a quiet time policy.

No interruptions
three mornings a week before noon.

On average, engineers
spiked in productivity.

47 percent of them
were more productive than usual.

But the best part is that when the company
made quiet time official policy,

they had 65 percent
above average productivity.

I don’t think there’s anything magical

about Tuesday, Thursday,
Friday before noon.

The lesson here is that we need to treat
uninterrupted blocks of time

as treasures to guard.

Now, mastery and mindfulness
will get you to flow,

but there’s a third condition
that turns it into a peak experience.

Mattering. Knowing that you
make a difference to other people.

Early in my career,
I was studying fundraising callers

who were trying to bring in
alumni donations to a university,

and I knew they were languishing
when I saw this sign posted on their wall.

[Doing a good job here is like
wetting your pants in a dark suit]

[You get a warm feeling
but no one else notices]

(Laughter)

I wanted to study how to show them
that their work mattered.

So I designed a series of experiments

and over the next month,
one group of callers on average

more than doubled
in weekly time on the phone

and nearly tripled in weekly revenue.

What moved the needle was randomly
assigning them to meet one student

whose scholarship
had been funded by their work.

Now, instead of focusing
on the monotonous process of making calls,

they were absorbed in a meaningful purpose
of helping to fund tuition.

So think about the people who would be
worse off if your job didn’t exist.

Those are the people
who make your work matter.

You need to know their names,
their faces and their stories,

and you can find flow
in projects that benefit them.

This all explains why Mario Kart
was such a great experience for me.

It gave me a feeling of mastery,

the sweet satisfaction
of a perfectly placed banana peel

for my sister to slip on.

It required mindfulness too.

My brother-in-law was the best player.

Beating him demanded total concentration,

especially when my kids
were ganging up with him against me.

And it wasn’t just a game. It mattered.

Over the past year, we’ve all felt
helpless in one way or another.

I felt helpless to fix covid.

I couldn’t even do that much
to make online school better.

And I’m a teacher.

But in Mario Kart, I felt helpful.

I was able to give my kids
something to look forward to

when we couldn’t go anywhere.

I was able to keep my family close
when we were far apart.

We normally think of flow
as an individual experience.

But playing Nintendo,
we were all immersed together.

And although we don’t play daily anymore,

I feel closer to my sister
and my brother-in-law

than I ever had before.

I learned that love is not
the frequency of communication,

it’s the depth of connections.

I also realized
that the antidote to languishing

does not have to be something productive,

it can be something joyful.

Our peak moments of flow
are having fun with the people we love,

which is now a daily task
on my to-do list.

So what’s your version of Mario Kart?

Where do you find mastery and mindfulness
with the people who matter to you?

I think we need to rethink
our understanding

of mental health and well-being.

Not depressed doesn’t mean
you’re not struggling.

Not burned out

doesn’t mean you’re fired up.

When someone says, “How are you?,”

it’s OK to say,
“Honestly, I’m languishing.”

Or if you can only muster one syllable,

“Meh.”

(Laughter)

And when you’re ready,
you can start finding the flow

that lights a path out of the void.

Thank you.

(Applause)

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79 Comments

79 Comments

  1. Arun G

    September 28, 2021 at 3:26 pm

    As a wise person said, life is all about the richness of your experiences and learning the lessons that you need to learn along the way.

  2. Abell Seyfu

    September 28, 2021 at 3:27 pm

    One is caught up playing the impassioned protagonist in one’s Subjective Narrative of Self 🎈

  3. Unixtreme

    September 28, 2021 at 3:29 pm

    Meh.

  4. anggreji To English

    September 28, 2021 at 3:37 pm

    One person was hired there just laugh in the audience

  5. Sa di

    September 28, 2021 at 3:55 pm

    Good stuf

    Copied from Ali Abdal.

    • Floopy tritium

      September 28, 2021 at 4:24 pm

      More like Ali Abdal copied from him

  6. Angelaholic

    September 28, 2021 at 3:55 pm

    I call it ‘in the zone’, especially applicable for simple person, such as myself 😉😉

  7. K L

    September 28, 2021 at 4:01 pm

    I needed to hear this today ❤️

  8. War Jac

    September 28, 2021 at 4:15 pm

    Big word for being bored.

    • mori

      September 28, 2021 at 4:57 pm

      bored isnt as catchy

    • Keegan

      September 28, 2021 at 8:27 pm

      Not really though. Boredom is easy to fix with a new, engaging activity. Languishing won’t be fixed that easily.

  9. John Heldman

    September 28, 2021 at 4:20 pm

    I found Flo…she’s in the Progressive advertisements…isn’t that obvious?

  10. Edwin Broce

    September 28, 2021 at 4:43 pm

    I think Adam is trying to set the record for the person with the most TED Talks 😆. I can’t blame him through all of his talks are amazing! I look forward to the next one!

  11. abeismain

    September 28, 2021 at 5:08 pm

    Good predictor of well being is going with the flow? Gotcha!

  12. flute loops

    September 28, 2021 at 5:11 pm

    Lol, that’s hilarious. I’m writing an essay in my English comp class on an article this guy wrote called “Why I Taught Myself to Procrastinate” and its due Thursday, lolol

    On a side note, I can reeealllly relate to what he talks about here oh my gosh

  13. Malavander

    September 28, 2021 at 5:51 pm

    As a 20+ year game developer with ADHD, I’ve been advocating these things for decades.

  14. Kshitij Sawant

    September 28, 2021 at 6:25 pm

    No one:
    That one guy in the bg: HaHaHaHa

  15. CrashingThunder

    September 28, 2021 at 7:00 pm

    I like to think of it this way. If you can find a task that is moderately challenging, while also being intellectually/creatively/socially engaging, then doing that task will be most likely to get you into the flow state. As a programmer, and I’ve found that I get into the flow state when I’m programming something that I know what needs to be done on a high level, but low-level details need to be figured out. And as an artist, I find that I get into the flow state when I’ve immersed myself into the scene I’m creating and know what I want to be happening or what feelings to evoke.

    They key to both is *knowing* what I want to do, and just having to go and do it. When I feel friction toward getting into flow, it’s because I don’t fully know what I’m trying to accomplish or just have a vague idea that isn’t fully formed.

  16. Andy Cordy

    September 28, 2021 at 7:12 pm

    Beautifully presented. An old defence against apathy and even depression which chimes very well with the themes of this talk. If you don’ know what to do, do something you know.

  17. Dogboy73

    September 28, 2021 at 7:53 pm

    Christ! Just realised I’ve been languishing most of my life!! 😵 I’ve got no flow to go! 😩

  18. M. Roman

    September 28, 2021 at 8:03 pm

    Great speech, and I love “the laugher” (you know who I mean!)😊

  19. Kate Burk

    September 28, 2021 at 8:17 pm

    I have been bingeing on YouTube but on carpentry & agriculture channels. Am a constant student. Might not be able to do total recall but when practice comes into play, “How can I or he/whoever do this task better?” perhaps it will come to mind. So I am bingeing on education…and I take lots of notes.😸

  20. Valbon Kapaza

    September 28, 2021 at 8:19 pm

    Love does not exist. It’s a concept created by humans. Like justice.

  21. 煽り運転の犯人を探してます

    September 28, 2021 at 10:45 pm

    I am looking for criminals in Japan. See my playlist for more details. Should I consult the police? I want your opinion.
    1

  22. kebakent

    September 28, 2021 at 11:04 pm

    Oh look, a white guy not talking about issues pertaining to his race, gender or sexual orientation. He’s talking about something entirely different. And there are almost no dislikes? I see a pattern here. The audience must be racist, right? Only explanation.

  23. Mark Swink

    September 29, 2021 at 1:10 am

    Can we all admit this homie has beautiful biceps 💪

  24. Osman Ismael

    September 29, 2021 at 1:43 am

    I am exactly languishing right now while watching this TedTalk. I have a list of things to do while just laying down the couch😜

  25. LaySea

    September 29, 2021 at 2:01 am

    The guy in the audience with the laugh is everything

  26. david d

    September 29, 2021 at 2:16 am

    There’s a menopuase joke in the title somewhere.

  27. Isabella Marcus

    September 29, 2021 at 2:31 am

    Great video, although I stay awake most of the night thinking about the outcome of tomorrow bcos The opportunity of a lifetime must be seized in the lifetime of the opportunity! There is no time like the present to become the business owner you’ve always wanted to be, get clarity around your life purpose. Make major leap in your business.

    • Adamis Herbert

      September 29, 2021 at 3:40 am

      Thanks alot but stressful 🥴

    • Walker Jackson

      September 29, 2021 at 3:42 am

      Trading with Sir Douglas has made bitcoin a cash without wings to me.

    • Alex Smith

      September 29, 2021 at 3:44 am

      I have heard testimonies about him I guess it’s time to hit him up.

    • Adamis Herbert

      September 29, 2021 at 4:22 am

      @Tom James thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity I have reached out to him

    • Tom James

      September 29, 2021 at 4:24 am

      That’s a great courage to take a bold step towards financial freedom…

  28. Real Creature

    September 29, 2021 at 4:59 am

    Find the flow that lights the path out of the void. Find the flow that lights the path out of the void. Find the flow that lights the path out of the void. Find the flow that lights the path out of the void. Find the flow that lights the path out of the void. Find the flow that lights the path out of the void. Find the flow that lights the path out of the void. Find the flow that lights the path out of the void. Find the flow that lights the path out of the void.

  29. John Mcintyre

    September 29, 2021 at 6:12 am

    Life sometimes kicks the legs from under you, and it’s usually for a purpose of reason.. Always getting what you want and no issues makes you complacent and ungrateful, so like kicks you to wake you —

  30. Stephanie Smith

    September 29, 2021 at 7:48 am

    That one guy laughing at all his jokes is the support we all need in our lives lol

    • Trevor Jennings

      September 29, 2021 at 9:20 am

      @Stephanie Smith yes

    • Trevor Jennings

      September 29, 2021 at 9:21 am

      @Stephanie Smith how are you doing today?!

    • Stephanie Smith

      September 29, 2021 at 9:30 am

      @Trevor Jennings
      Tbh not so great but surviving. Some of us Aussies are in lockdown still. How about you?

    • Trevor Jennings

      September 29, 2021 at 9:34 am

      @Stephanie Smith well I’m fine,still trying to be safe from the COVID

    • Trevor Jennings

      September 29, 2021 at 9:34 am

      @Stephanie Smith so tell me,we’re are you from??

  31. Hugo Gong

    September 29, 2021 at 9:35 am

    The best course in my life . Thank you so much . I have been doing nothing for 26 years and feel ultra languish ( I did not even know the concept of languishing before this course) . Now I will try to find the flows in my life .

  32. Mohammadali Panjehshahi

    September 29, 2021 at 10:17 am

    Meh

  33. Moni Cast

    September 29, 2021 at 12:35 pm

    Living a mattering life is the key to living a happy life

  34. Kaitlyn

    September 29, 2021 at 1:15 pm

    yay capitalism 🙄 everything is always about fucking productivity ffs

  35. Ronald Dan Caliva

    September 29, 2021 at 2:47 pm

    Ohh there must be a lot of people languishing in the mental institutions

  36. Aditya Verma

    September 29, 2021 at 3:35 pm

    This dude summarised in 15 minutes what it took me 10 months and 40 books to learn.
    Meh…

    • phuphu

      October 2, 2021 at 11:35 am

      its too much books and time but i bet it gave you more than this. huh

  37. Chí Công Nguyễn

    September 29, 2021 at 4:19 pm

    Hello, I want to make friends to talk in English.

  38. Andre Monteiro

    September 29, 2021 at 5:04 pm

    i can’t remember if Mariah has a song with the word languish lol

  39. Joseph Gooden

    September 29, 2021 at 5:11 pm

    This video could not be more relevant for me right now…

  40. Kunal Kavimandan

    September 29, 2021 at 5:30 pm

    Just realized this talk was given yesterday 😀

  41. Krispyfort02

    September 30, 2021 at 3:08 am

    Thanks Adam 🙂

  42. IIShapour shapour

    September 30, 2021 at 3:15 am

    ترجمه فارسی بابا دمتون گرم هم رو تخصصی ترجمه کردین انصافا هر وقت تو اینترنت میگردم میبنم ایرانیا بینظیر کار میکنن با چندتا کشور دیگه مقایسه کردم

  43. Pul

    September 30, 2021 at 4:01 am

    Why no subtitle in Indonesia

    • Phoebe Davey

      September 30, 2021 at 5:09 am

      Mungkin akan ada di masa depan? Sering ada..

    • Phoebe Davey

      September 30, 2021 at 5:15 am

      Aku bisa coba meringkaskan? Languishing adalah saat kamu tidak kesal, namun juga tidak bahagia. Bisa disembuh oleh fokus secara mendalam pada tujuan tanpa terganggu. (Dia fokus pada main mario cart). Dia juga memberi tahu menjadi lebih bersyukur tidak selalu membuat kamu akan lebih bahagia. Semoga ini masuk akal.

    • Pul

      September 30, 2021 at 5:34 am

      @Phoebe Davey thanks

  44. FLEXCOPE INC.

    September 30, 2021 at 9:40 am

    Languish : 躺平。

  45. وصفات عالم آية secret de beauté

    September 30, 2021 at 10:26 am

    👍 👍

  46. Maisie Tee

    September 30, 2021 at 12:10 pm

    Love the way he says ‘flow’

  47. Megaresh

    September 30, 2021 at 1:40 pm

    eyo, peppa pig is my best friend

  48. Vegabond

    September 30, 2021 at 2:02 pm

    bald

  49. EighteenXVIII

    October 1, 2021 at 2:05 am

    Limit your news intake. Add news domains to your adblocker so you’re not tempted to open them. Same with social media. Disable most notifications. Open your email during a set period everyday. People reflexively grab their phone and start scrolling. It’s almost impossible to beat that temptation without some of these clever tricks of your own. Some more tips are a Pomodoro app (simple work/break timer) and using your phones calendar to remind you to do stuff.

  50. Praveen Mathew

    October 1, 2021 at 3:18 am

    This was such a great talk and came out at just the right time!

  51. officially cool

    October 1, 2021 at 5:17 pm

    I was feeling this exact way and began to feel depressed, but then I realized that if we (my kids and I) cut out screens we would get more done and make progress (with school, housework, etc.) I made a simple flyer for a friend’s restaurant and felt useful, like Oh this is what it’s like to use my talents/knowledge. This talk is very true. I hope everyone her finds their flow

  52. losa sakarosa

    October 1, 2021 at 6:30 pm

    the amount of times i screamed “YESSSSS” throughout this ted talk. Dang i love it!

  53. Al Truism

    October 1, 2021 at 9:41 pm

    this guys voice sounds fabricated, Im happy i dont have this voice

  54. Chin Hui Xin

    October 2, 2021 at 11:09 am

    Finally found the word to describe my feelings right now

  55. Ligia Sommers

    October 4, 2021 at 12:59 am

    Super interesting 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🙏🏻💖🌹

  56. Kevin Wells

    October 4, 2021 at 8:22 am

    I have not watched it. But I’m saving it. I’m also just now 65. I have so many reasons to languish, including health. I’ll check back in when I’ve watched this (I hope) incredible video.

  57. Beki Jane

    October 4, 2021 at 11:08 am

    I agree with you. I agree that it’s important. I also agree that the uninterrupted time thing is hugely important. How does the average person GET the uninterrupted time that allows flow?

    For me (N=1) my flow is in my art, my creativity. I can get lost in my…

    *record scratch* (Phone call. Loved one. Twenty minutes of catching up that I can’t put off) I swallow down the RAGE of being interrupted, I make the small talk – and I do want to speak to this loved one.

    Where was I? I’ll just check email a sec, ooh, interesting news story…

    I can get lost in my art. It’s soothing, mindful, I see myself progressing. Does it matter? Well, I’ve sold a few prints, I sell…

    *Train derailing gif* My dog wants to be let out into the garden. It’s 60 degrees out there so I must transfer into my powerchair, go to the back door, open it, and sit and wait for The Return. I make myself a coffee. Then I go back, transfer back to the seat and sit and catch my breath. I look at the artwork, my palette has dried. I feel meh.

    I can get lost in my artwork. But when and how can I get the uninterrupted time to do so? Late at night? I’m tired then, and the dogs will still want to be let out for as long as I’m awake. In the daytime? Demands on my time just will not go away.

    I wouldn’t be able to practice zen and the art of Mario Kart because everyone around me would decide that this was not an “important” enough task for it not to be interrupted.

    You – generic – may be able to set boundaries. Others can’t because our boundaries are not as respected.

  58. Stéphani Mahl

    October 5, 2021 at 12:12 am

    awesome!

  59. Stéphani Mahl

    October 5, 2021 at 12:13 am

    What is the minimum period of flow for it to be considered flow?

  60. Carson Hunt

    October 5, 2021 at 5:13 am

    As much as I agree about the “toxic positivity” being bad, the problem is the result for sharing “not positive” answers has negative consequences. People will view you as negative, or whiny, and not want to associate with you because of it. Ppl tend to gravitate towards what they want themselves, staying away from the opposite.

  61. Carl Cervone

    October 5, 2021 at 5:24 pm

    Excellent talk. This has also given me a new perspective on the rise of DAOs and community-driven NFT projects.

  62. Erika Kurniawan

    October 7, 2021 at 3:15 am

    I’m languishing during working hour right now watching this video, with bunch of stuff to do and zero motivation. I think I have been chronically languishing in the past years if not my whole life. I might be chronically depressed too. Hoping that whoever reads this comment find light and joy.

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How to Protect Your Emotional Health During the Holidays | Guy Winch | TED

The end of the year is often a time to reflect and spend time with family — activities that may seem joyful or anxiety-inducing, depending on your circumstances. Psychologist Guy Winch offers actionable advice on how to manage your emotions with confidence during the holidays, from setting boundaries to healing heartache — above all reminding…

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The end of the year is often a time to reflect and spend time with family — activities that may seem joyful or anxiety-inducing, depending on your circumstances. Psychologist Guy Winch offers actionable advice on how to manage your emotions with confidence during the holidays, from setting boundaries to healing heartache — above all reminding you that emotional health is possible, as long as you’re informed and willing to do the work. (This live conversation was hosted by TED’s Whitney Pennington Rodgers. Visit ted.com/membership to support TED today and join more exclusive events like this one.) (Recorded at TED Membership on December 4, 2024)

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