When filmmaker Desiree Akhavan told her Iranian immigrant parents she was in love with a woman, she knew they would object. She explains why it’s worth the risk to let people get to know the real you.
If you love watching TED Talks like this one, become a TED Member to support our mission of spreading ideas:
Follow TED!
X:
Instagram:
Facebook:
LinkedIn:
TikTok:
The TED Talks channel features talks, performances and original series from the world’s leading thinkers and doers. Subscribe to our channel for videos on Technology, Entertainment and Design — plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. Visit to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more.
Watch more:
TED’s videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy: . For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at
#TED #TEDTalks #personaldevelopment
@Kaienhere
April 16, 2024 at 11:23 am
My asian parents wouldn’t approve this lol 🥲
@Decahexima
April 16, 2024 at 11:45 am
UwU
@OneaeBlack
April 16, 2024 at 11:55 am
Most parents just wanted to live their lives through their children’s lives so who cares really anyway? All parents can self care live their own best good lives. That’s when they become strong enough with any of children’s personal problem issue to work together family loving strength.
@austingirdner92
April 16, 2024 at 11:56 am
This fucking hits so hard.
Just be yourself. It’s so easy, if you just try.
@AchillesXAtlas
April 16, 2024 at 11:56 am
I thought TED was supposed to be Technology, Engineering, and Design. What’s with all the political and social commentary?
@myparceltape1169
April 16, 2024 at 2:45 pm
Maybe they had to find speakers who could talk a line.
How good are you at the quantum math used to describe the theory that a particle exists which provides Mass to all the other particles?
@cat3p3
April 16, 2024 at 4:11 pm
Its actually technology, entertainment, and design, so im guessing the increase is in the entertainment part.
@PhantomNash
April 16, 2024 at 12:08 pm
Haven’t we had enough of this woke bullshit?
@BadNessie
April 16, 2024 at 3:21 pm
Elaborate? How is it woke? I’d really like to know.
@BatmanMclawdog
April 16, 2024 at 12:11 pm
This is a stand-up comedy routine. Ted talks aren’t what they used to be.
@yonderkentucky1966
April 16, 2024 at 12:20 pm
This is horrible…..
@francesbernard2445
April 16, 2024 at 12:25 pm
These days after some parents have been for a long time isolated from their infant children while their successful adult children are finally getting to know them better at first attempts to disappoint parents while offering them their opinions that might only seem both gratifying and entertaining to them about the mystery as to how their children ended up having the same opinions.
@kaylasweet5431
April 16, 2024 at 12:37 pm
Complete opposite of what the Bible teaches. Disappointing your parents intentionally? Smh
@momenwadood1342
April 16, 2024 at 1:11 pm
I really miss when TED vids where actually good
@persabras7982
April 16, 2024 at 1:21 pm
I don’t think what you said is covering all the people of that nation!
@frills7026
April 16, 2024 at 1:24 pm
My takeaway is that’s it’s wonderful to be open and honest with your parents. I really think that’s a good thing and that’s something I’m constantly learning to aim for as a 20-something year old who grew up afraid to speak to her parents. This is an encouraging talk, just like many other TedTalks.
@JustInvertedFpv
April 16, 2024 at 1:26 pm
A lot of salty parents in these comments unwilling to question whether they might be part of the problem.
@ranawajidalikhan7992
April 16, 2024 at 2:04 pm
Your stance is bullsh*t
@PhoebeFayRuthLouise
April 16, 2024 at 2:22 pm
Brilliant!
@preethishreeya8035
April 16, 2024 at 2:32 pm
❤
@KaitlynEssays
April 16, 2024 at 3:31 pm
Nice one 🤗
@benhernandez9571
April 16, 2024 at 5:56 pm
It’s called rising above your natural instinct to be selfish and to elevate yourself above others. Not honoring your parents is one reason why this culture is lost.
@justageekygamer
April 16, 2024 at 6:49 pm
Shes just like me fr…
@mohamedmetwaly9978
April 16, 2024 at 7:29 pm
What you win?
I believe that you are not honest with your self
Completely respect for your parents
Homosexuality opposite of respect,nature, religions
@MS-uf1fu
April 16, 2024 at 8:28 pm
Failed society is manifesting in her thoughts.
@Rnue
April 16, 2024 at 8:47 pm
Stealing the school paddle… that’s a paddling.
@Rnue
April 16, 2024 at 8:48 pm
Wha what are the movies 🎥 dont make me do research
@richardstevens7547
April 16, 2024 at 8:56 pm
I don’t know, I think it is imperative you leave home and find yourself. Dad wanted me to be a doctor and marry the girl he liked, career, home, car, etc. And I was a good son and did what I was told. But that wasn’t me. That was my dad living his life through me. I didn’t know who I was. One day, I told him I was going abroad for college and he threw a fit. I had to leave to discover the real me, and what a fantastic decision. At 92yo, he says I betrayed him, abandoned, didn’t marry so and so, etc. He is mean as ever and I live on the other side of the globe. Not the way I would like it to be, but I have to be true to myself.
@Retrosenescent
April 17, 2024 at 12:11 am
That was really touching. I have a similar experience
@Ren-1979
April 17, 2024 at 5:14 am
I can feel your pain of being rejected by your parents because you are different. Thank you for sharing your experiences. You are a beautiful woman. Unfortunately for me, I am a man 😉 A big hug from Spain.
@mohamadrezataheri7646
April 17, 2024 at 6:50 am
آخ آخ منم اصن نمیتونم دروغ بگم و تعارف کنم. 😂 منتها من ایران بزرگ شدم و ایران هم زندگی میکنم 😅
@sturmeko
April 17, 2024 at 12:08 pm
Some say children are in debt to their parents, some say parents are in debt to their kids. Truth is, nobody is in debt to anyone.
@PiaRxxxx
April 17, 2024 at 1:24 pm
What a beautiful soul!
@sarahwagacha7141
April 17, 2024 at 4:02 pm
“Live life according to my own standards and risk losing my family or live according to their rules and never get the opportunity to meet myself, I took a calculated risk, and against all odds I won” these words have made me tear up so beautiful❤
@aliyousefi-os5ge
April 17, 2024 at 4:05 pm
That is not what I expected
@salihdibaei4336
April 18, 2024 at 7:01 pm
What did you expect?
@Powerhouse08
April 17, 2024 at 4:22 pm
Remember one thing: you don’t owe your parents a damn thing.
It was the choice of your parents to give birth to you. It wasn’t your choice to be born.
Only choices have consequences.
@GGGG_3333
April 17, 2024 at 8:38 pm
Beautifully articulated ❤
@terrancetexan5805
April 18, 2024 at 4:39 am
Ted talks nonsense 99% of the time.
@ryoma4904
April 18, 2024 at 7:24 am
As a chinese person having spent a fair amount of time abroad I can surprisingly relate many times.
@miamiheatbaby4876
April 18, 2024 at 8:03 am
Talk about projecting what she did to her parents Lol. I’m gonna make a Ted Talk about this
@maryamrashidi2329
April 19, 2024 at 7:42 pm
Points taken. Yes, one ought to follow one’s own path and live one’s own truth. Yet, the speaker’s descriptions of the Iranian society and the Iranian diaspora were overtly generalising, even if there were some truths to the observations of their beliefs and behaviours. Iranian society of HER generation is far from the society her parents left when they left Iran… She wouldn’t travel to Iran perhaps, but if she did, she’d certainly be surprised to witness the difference firsthand.
@nickc1398
April 19, 2024 at 8:43 pm
yes tom boy lezbo what ever u say…
@Mi11imani
April 20, 2024 at 10:21 am
in 99% people do LOSE their families, and then live a miserable life afterwards, lol.
america is not the world. trust that.
@Kaleubs
April 20, 2024 at 11:46 am
This was beautiful, thanks for putting it in such an elegant way that what many go through without knowing how to express it because they are forced not to.
@polyglotornot
April 20, 2024 at 3:50 pm
love this