Watch the full talk:
A clip from Brené Brown’s TED Talk “Listening to shame” from TED2012.
Shame is an unspoken epidemic, the secret behind many forms of broken behavior. Brené Brown explores what can happen when people confront their shame head-on. Her own humor, humanity and vulnerability shine through every word.
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Shame is the gremlin who says: […] “never
good enough” — and, if you can talk it out of
that one, “who do you think you are?” The thing
to understand about shame is it’s not guilt.
Shame is a focus on self. Guilt
is a focus on behavior. Shame is,
“I am bad.” Guilt is, “I did something bad.”
Shame is highly, highly correlated with addiction,
depression, violence, aggression, bullying,
suicide, eating disorders. And here’s
what you even need to know more. Guilt,
inversely correlated with those things.
Shame, for women, is this web of unobtainable,
conflicting, competing expectations about who
we’re supposed to be. […] For men, shame is not
a bunch of competing, conflicting expectations.
Shame is one: do not be perceived as what?
Weak.
But the truth is […] vulnerability is
not weakness. I define vulnerability as emotional
risk, exposure, uncertainty. It fuels our daily
lives. And I’ve come to the belief—this is my
12th year doing this research—that vulnerability
is our most accurate measurement of courage.
If we’re going to find our way back to each other,
we have to understand and know empathy,
because empathy’s the antidote to shame.
If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three
things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and
judgment. If you put the same amount in a Petri
dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive.
The two most powerful words when
we’re in struggle: me too.
If we’re going to find our way back to each
other, vulnerability is going to be that path.
Timothy Payne
July 31, 2021 at 3:37 pm
This is funny, because my English teacher showed this to me in 12th grade, and I remember it was very powerful. I sort of forgot about it, and in the past few days I returned to these videos, and I need to remind myself of these ideas probably at least once every week.
positive Vibes
July 31, 2021 at 5:02 pm
So did you get successful in applying them in real life!?
Timothy Payne
July 31, 2021 at 5:44 pm
positive Vibes I don’t know if you mean if I have applied these ideas fully into my life? Or if I have become successful because of applying these ideas? I have not been successful in either, but I can say that I have been applying these ideas more in my life, and I think it has made me a better person. There are definitely moments in my life where I have failed, and I think I’ve done so daring greatly.
positive Vibes
July 31, 2021 at 7:26 pm
@Timothy Payne yeah that’s what I asking about and its true that no matter how many videos we watch on YouTube regarding this but everyone has a different look for reality and facing obstacles in life
Parshv Patel
July 31, 2021 at 3:37 pm
I think overdose of philosophy will left you with no practical benefits. Focus on yourself everytime!
Time To Get It
July 31, 2021 at 5:10 pm
True only somewhat … cannot overload the brain with philosophy and analytics and technicalities … too much knowledge no good . Too much anything is no good
Balance between being a student of life , but not a lab rat
Parshv Patel
July 31, 2021 at 7:02 pm
@Time To Get It almost everyone loves philosophy and after too much of it he enters in some utopia and start levitating in delusions.
Anna Mae Gold
July 31, 2021 at 3:45 pm
Secrecy, silence & judgment. The unholy trinity.
Time To Get It
July 31, 2021 at 5:08 pm
The truth will set you free, bad habit /practice to be judge mental, cannot be lost for words and speechless. Make ppl feel your pain
Lisa Love Ministries
July 31, 2021 at 3:49 pm
Amen be vulnerable before the LORD confess and repent.
James 4:10
“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you.”
Iron Maiden
July 31, 2021 at 3:58 pm
After moving to the US I discovered that shame is a big part of Americans life.. The throwing the pie in the face is as a good example of shame.. People laugh and point and the person with the pie on their face is shamed.. I never understood the concept of shame.. I mean, who cares what other people think. You just be you.. Ignore people. The shaming jokes that Americans laughed at hysterically got old and tiring really quickly.
redbloodedrepublican trumpsupporter
July 31, 2021 at 4:18 pm
If there’s so much shame here why are they trying to normalize castrating children
The Walk
July 31, 2021 at 4:03 pm
Tormentum be over
Ellie
July 31, 2021 at 4:05 pm
There is no shame any more!
redbloodedrepublican trumpsupporter
July 31, 2021 at 4:13 pm
Shame is exactly what is missing from American society today
Deqster
July 31, 2021 at 4:25 pm
Bullshit men only have one source of shame. She’s lost credibility in my eyes for that statement alone. A lot of the rest of the story is consistent with other counsel and reading I’ve had in this subject, but for her to generalize in a Ted talk like that is shameful (he says, knowing the irony laced in the statement).
J Brook
July 31, 2021 at 5:41 pm
Agreed, my shame is quite multifaceted. Her entire speech is just platitudes and not at all constructive, it’s deeply disappointing.
J Brook
July 31, 2021 at 5:37 pm
I disagree with her singular perception on men’s shame. My shame is quite multifaceted for example.
Glenn Ware
July 31, 2021 at 8:18 pm
Of course you do, mass generalisation of men in the context shame is the most inherently ignorant way to express the way you view men in the first place. I don’t think she is being realistic.
cultoay0utube
July 31, 2021 at 11:44 pm
Being wrong, being stupid, being mean, being selfish, that’s also part of my personal shame baggage.
John Mocking You
July 31, 2021 at 5:46 pm
Huh? it takes two to Tango, try getting Terrorists to emphatize & good luck.
No one star
July 31, 2021 at 8:01 pm
I’ve never carried much PERSONAL shame. I’ve believed in my hard work, studies, persistence and dedication for decades.
But, lolololol. THE WORLD… instructors… people… associates… ‘friends’… etc, well, they have contributed PLENTY of guilt (with the intentions that shame would surface).
Most if it was a reflection of *themselves*, but unfortunately, narcissism and toxicity both have a ‘blast radius’.
Broken, mean, fractured & vindictive people leave *collateral* damage in their fiery, destructive wake.
I, for one, should know. 😓😓😓 I’m less on one side than the other, but, it’d be up to others who knew me to express which I was more about (empathy or narcissism).
Melvin Fernandez
July 31, 2021 at 9:36 pm
It’s sad she thinks for men it is this one thing. In fact her description of women’s shame is what men go through. I know there are obvious hardships women go through that men do not, but why undermine what men go through in the process? She’s spent 12 years studying shame and thinks it only impacts women?? she needs to change jobs 🤔
Павел Сорокин
July 31, 2021 at 10:59 pm
No
Snoop
July 31, 2021 at 11:00 pm
Good one
Al-ameen A. Abdullateef
July 31, 2021 at 11:04 pm
The accuracy in what she said hit home when I guessed correctly after the pause that she would definitely say “Weak”.
Lunch Bucket
July 31, 2021 at 11:07 pm
I guessed incorrectly.
mjmwise
July 31, 2021 at 11:44 pm
I love the distinction here between shame and guilt. I think Dr. Brown’s message to women and girls is vital I think she does stumble a bit when generalizing about shame as experienced by men. I have wrestled with complex shame for years. Shame for me derives from family of origin dynamics, professional dynamics, parenting dynamics. Much of it has to do with having expectations for myself for being empathetic and serving others well and feeling woefully inadequate. That said, her work has had a powerful impact on my adult children. I will gladly read her books and will hopefully learn a lot more about the intersection of vulnerability and courage.
M 500
July 31, 2021 at 11:50 pm
Why Ted talks sounds like random physiology?
These things are very personal and very individual to be talked like this.
liamskimac
July 31, 2021 at 11:59 pm
Awful
J C
August 1, 2021 at 12:06 am
TAKE A LONG WALK OFF A SHORT PIER , PLEASE !!!!!
Kawal Dasrat
August 1, 2021 at 12:40 am
How did a breakdown of shame turn into “Men should be more vulnerable”? And…how does she know for certain men only feel one type of shame?
DOC GILLYGUN
August 1, 2021 at 1:15 am
If you are vulnerable enough to speak your truth and take the risk of public shame you are courageous not weak.
If you can tolerate undeserved public shame and not feel shame or guilt you are courageous and strong.
If you can accept public shame and feel the guilt but genuinely make amends and move on you are courageous, strong, and wise.
DeafRaGe
August 1, 2021 at 3:39 am
And… unsubscribe. So tired of men being portrayed as simpleton who don’t or can’t have complex emotions just like women 🙄
roxineus
August 1, 2021 at 3:48 am
WOAH! Well done
Be Realistic
August 1, 2021 at 9:59 am
nope, young people just beed to grow a pair…
Alparslan Korkmaz
August 1, 2021 at 9:59 am
Nice speech.
Donel King II
August 1, 2021 at 10:08 am
Shame is what gays use if you dare not support them. Shame is what feminist use to but down men.
nanamh skal
August 1, 2021 at 10:47 am
1:53
RandomInsano2
August 1, 2021 at 1:11 pm
Her simplification of me as a man offends me. I’m not ashamed to be vulnerable and have more dimensions than I think her research is investigating.
Hagay Muzan
August 1, 2021 at 4:09 pm
Ignore. Obviously she is wrong.
Viktor M Jessen
August 4, 2021 at 5:43 pm
I see what you are saying, but I think that you have a rather narrow view on things. She is generally correct in what she is saying, because men’s fear of showing weakness has been proven many times. I do as a man currently struggle with depression and I do on a daily basis struggle with opening up and acknowledging the presence of my problems because most men are raised with doubts and a lack of confidence being a weakness, a weakness that I and lots of other men struggle with embracing. Try and watch the TED-talk done by Justin Baldoni. He puts a lot of things into a very good perspective.
RandomInsano2
August 5, 2021 at 1:05 am
@Viktor M Jessen Each person is different and entitled to their opinion. You can agree with her and and I can disagree. Thanks for the video suggestion though, always good to disprove one’s own beliefs. It’s also been over a decade since I read The New Male Sexuality.
Jess
August 1, 2021 at 2:39 pm
Please reupload the whole TedTalk. A lot of people could benefit from hearing it (again, in many cases)
Mr Rod
August 1, 2021 at 4:05 pm
This is ridiculous. Shame has good qualities and bad qualities like everything else. It’s how we put emotions to use. Demonising any emotion is never a good path to take. Shame, guilt, anger, embarrassment, boredom, desire, fear, etc can all function to make us better or worse human beings. It’s just how they are used. She is a snake oil salesperson.
Hagay Muzan
August 1, 2021 at 4:11 pm
You are easily smarter than her.
Mr Rod
August 1, 2021 at 4:18 pm
@Hagay Muzan she is selling a problem that can only be fixed by buying her books. I am not selling anything. It’s not a competition about who is smarter.
Hagay Muzan
August 1, 2021 at 4:28 pm
Didn’t realize it was all part of her campaign. Guess she is not interesting enough.
Mr Rod
August 1, 2021 at 4:38 pm
@Hagay Muzan TED talks are mostly paid advertising. Google her and it will come up with her books for sale.
orange
August 1, 2021 at 4:08 pm
so much complex words in 2 mins speech
Hagay Muzan
August 1, 2021 at 4:17 pm
This talker is so stupid and shallow I don’t understand how she passed the clearance of TED. Shame on you for mistaking others.
Hagay Muzan
August 1, 2021 at 4:19 pm
So you say that man are so simple creatures compared to woman? This is very offensive.
Jerry
August 1, 2021 at 5:30 pm
Is something weird about me? Why have I never felt shame? I cant relate to anyone who does… I have experienced guild on occasion, but never shame :/ Whats wrong with me?
Easy Diddit
August 1, 2021 at 8:28 pm
I think you may have mentioned role models and vulnerabilities and shame. I love the way you embrace them. You are helping me recover. I love the way you think. I love your heart.
SUCCESS SYSTEMS
August 1, 2021 at 10:26 pm
*Dear Person That is reading this, Yes You! Exactly You! we don’t know each other but I wish you all the best in life* ♥ 🙏
박지원
August 2, 2021 at 6:21 am
So we need to see our problems directly, not just try to hide and kept berry in our mind 🤔
AH Blogs
August 2, 2021 at 8:45 am
What she says about vulnerability is SO true…
Tommy Parker
August 2, 2021 at 9:28 am
On the flip side though, a healthily amount of shame is needed in societies to deter us from our more darker natures. Often times, addiction can be derived from not adhering to a path we know is better for us and the people around us.
stylish tamilan
August 2, 2021 at 10:44 am
I think every good or bad situation are destined,but we have a thing called”MY CHOICE”(I mean our next decision after incident)which deserves our future destiny.
L. Azzooni
August 2, 2021 at 2:35 pm
Please translate to arabic
Nerd Photoshop
August 2, 2021 at 4:10 pm
i am the 2.100th like (nothing to do with the video, I just thought It was really cool)
남알남NamRNam
August 2, 2021 at 10:33 pm
Shame..! Shame..! Shame…!!
Oh sorry it’s not you
Jarful of Love
August 2, 2021 at 10:56 pm
Vulnerability and weakness are not the same thing
John Smith
August 3, 2021 at 1:26 am
As men, we can’t be Perceived as weak because if we are, then women won’t sexually want us… It’s a turn off
chrngc
August 3, 2021 at 3:06 am
Ok boys dont be shame, lets wear maid outfit tgt
cascade7777
August 3, 2021 at 3:23 am
Vulnerability is the ability to be humble ? Versus pride and not showing you are weak ?
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The Fifth 1
August 3, 2021 at 12:49 pm
Another woman spreading her feelings and opinions as objective truth while diminishing men……Shocking 🤦🏽♂️🤷🏽♂️. Today’s women folks. Its so prevalent they can’t even notice it.
NoName
August 4, 2021 at 8:43 am
Feminists who ‘think’ they know men and associated title subject ‘shame; from stereotyping and pigeon holing of the male experience as far as they perceive it to be. Actually have no idea from beyond feminist social media gossip and news broadcasts that would mostly be about male crimes against females, like every male is capable of violence, as the feminist dogma narrative will have you think.
I notice in the audience where a female talks, there are rows of females nodding in positive affirmation and support on just about any subject related to female ’empowerment’, a word embraced by feminists today as liberating and identifying, being hijacked from male empowerment of yesteryear which now is seen as a despicable crime against hufemity.
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