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To post or not to post? The real question is: How do you feel about it? Author Naomi Shimada reflects on the anxiety-inducing aspects of social media, sharing advice on how to step back from the shame, optics and echo chambers of the internet and untangle your self-worth from follower counts, likes and the unattainable perfectionism perpetuated online. (This conversation, hosted by TED curator Cloe Shasha Brooks, is part of TED’s “How to Deal with Difficult Feelings” series.)
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Cloe Shasha Brooks: Hello, welcome.
You are watching a TED interview series
called How to Deal
with Difficult Feelings.
I’m Cloe Shasha Brooks,
your host and a curator at TED.
And today we’ll be focusing
specifically on anxiety.
So first I’ll be speaking with author
and model Naomi Shimada
about the anxiety
associated with social media.
She coauthored a book
called “Mixed Feelings:
Exploring the emotional impact
of our digital habits.”
It’s all about how the internet
has created a new layer
of perfectionist pressure on our lives
and how we can better manage
our relationship with our online worlds.
Hello, Naomi. Great to see you.
Naomi Shimada: Hello, Cloe,
great to see you, too.
I’m honored to be here.
CSB: Oh, well, thanks for joining us.
So, Naomi, you have written and spoken
about the relationship between
social media and anxiety a whole bunch,
such as the anxiety to post
online or not to post.
So can you tell us
a little bit more about that?
NS: So I always want to start by saying,
even though I have written about it,
I still don’t really feel like an expert
because this is just —
I always want to decenter
my voice as an expert
because I’m just feeling this out
like everyone else.
But in my experience,
social media and anxiety are connected,
you know, or social media
exacerbates anxious feelings.
It exacerbates the human condition.
And so things that we may have
insecurities and anxieties around,
like, you know, our relationships,
our bodies, our work,
the things that make up our sense of self,
I think the anxiety we feel
or we can feel when we use social media
can sometimes act as a marker
for things that show us
where we need to do work
or where we feel insecure.
And sometimes it’s just a message
being reflected back to us.
And also, like I said, social media
exacerbates the human condition.
You know, as humans,
I think we so often just want to be loved
and cared for and seen and adored
or just acknowledged.
So social media has also become, you know,
our main mode of communication,
our method of work.
Some of those things, those lines
can start to become very blurred.
CSB: Absolutely.
Yeah, and in addition to making lives
look shiny and perfect,
social media also seems to fuel
a lot of FOMO, or fear of missing out.
And I’m curious what you’d suggest
for people who experience
a lot of anxiety from seeing
videos and images
of other people having a ton of fun and,
you know, not knowing
how to deal with that.
NS: I think, like I said slightly earlier,
the feelings of anxiety when they come up,
like, what is that message, you know,
taking that step back and being,
like, why do I feel this way?
Why is this making me feel like this?
And kind of reading into it.
And in my personal experience,
the thing that works for me
is just taking a step back,
taking a moment,
you know, if something
is making me feel bad,
for example, if social media —
if we thought of it
as a substance, for example,
if something was making you feel bad,
what would you do about it?
Would you stop using it?
You know, I think there’s levels to this
because sometimes, you know,
we may have work now
that is so intertwined with social media
and it can’t just be like,
oh, stop using it.
And I know that there’s a spectrum.
And I’m also navigating this
constantly myself
when as a public-facing person,
my job is so intertwined with social media
and it’s something
I want to do less and less.
So I’m navigating that kind
of boundary for me all the time.
So it’s just negotiating,
sometimes it’s not as clear cut, you know,
it may for you start
as take the weekends off, or you know,
I actually personally most of the time
don’t have social media on my phone.
And just when I have to do
something for work,
that’s when I interact with it,
especially this year
that’s been so heavy, you know,
and where there is no “off” button
and every new day bringing such bad news,
like, I’m a very sensitive person,
so I have to do the things I know
that I need to take care of myself,
which is not scroll.
Also, I’ve had an injury in my hand,
which means I can’t actually scroll,
so I’m like, “This is a sign!
I’m just not supposed to be interacting
like that right now.”
So just listening and knowing
that you don’t have to fall
under the pressure.
Like, I think so often
we think that if we don’t post,
we don’t exist.
Our existence, you know —
we only exist when other people
see us existing.
Like, that, that whole line, like,
“Oh, if you didn’t post about it,
it didn’t happen.”
That concept.
We’ve started to internalize, you know,
especially my generation
of millennials, gen-Z,
like, if you didn’t post it,
it didn’t happen.
And so it’s just like going back
and being like, OK, is that true?
Why do I feel the need to share this?
And asking those questions.
And that’s what I do.
So like I said, I’m not an expert,
I too I’m working this out
and every day feels totally different.
But asking those questions
is a great place to start.
CSB: Thank you for that.
So we have a question from the audience.
Let’s bring that up.
OK, so related to this, from Facebook,
“What question should we
be asking ourselves
before we post on social media?”
NS: So I like to ask myself, like,
why do I want to share this right now?
Is this something —
as a person that has grown up
on the internet, on social media,
so often how I validated myself
and my sense of self
was posting something
and people reacting to it.
And I think that’s just
very murky territory.
I think like, you know,
why do I feel the need to share this?
Is this something that feels
also private to me?
You know, in my opinion, on whether,
and I guess, you know, I have
not the biggest social media following,
but a social media following,
that sometimes, when I’m like,
does that person, for me,
does my family member
want to be shown online, for example,
like, or is this a private moment?
I think navigating, like, do I feel
not good about myself right now
and is posting a picture
of myself looking, like, hot,
or whatever the equivalent
of looking really happy —
I think sometimes so often we post
about the things that we are yearning for,
whether that’s attention, love, craving.
And I think there’s deeper
underlying messages
behind posting sometimes, you know,
and that it is a projection of the things
that we want in our lives,
for example, posting photos of people
you want better relationships with
or, you know,
there’s a big spectrum of experience.
But for me, I just try to ask myself,
why do I feel the need
to make this public right now?
Is this something that I am proud of?
And it’s no critique.
This is really questions
that are just a gauge where I’m at
or where someone else is at with it.
Like, is this something that actually
I just need to pay attention to
in my own life privately,
of, like, this is something
I should be working on or thinking about,
or there’s just deeper
questions about context,
I think, that are important.
CSB: Yeah, yeah.
And I think as we’re now
at our final question,
which is something that I think
is related to what you’re saying
around when to post or not to post,
but from a different angle,
which is, you know,
a lot of people have anxiety
about whether or not to post
their social justice activism
on their accounts
and regardless of the activism
they might be already doing
outside of social media, right?
And some people just find it performative.
But at the same time,
there was a fear of looking apathetic
if people are not posting
about social justice on social media.
So how do you suggest
people deal with that anxiety
and think about that?
NS: I mean, that’s definitely
an anxiety of our generation, right?
Anxieties around posting
about social justice.
I think the big question here
is asking ourselves, like,
what am I doing in my own life?
You know, and again, there is a spectrum,
because there’s a lot of people
who are sharing a lot of important
information via social media.
So you have, like, organizers
and then everybody else.
But if you are —
Once again, you know,
I can’t speak for everybody,
but just I think it’s —
I read this quote
by an activist in Oregon,
a lifetime organizer
called Grace Lee Boggs,
and she said that, you know,
that a lot of times in our lives
we don’t prioritize the importance
of self-reflection and revolution.
And I think, you know,
we so care about optics.
We don’t want people to think
that we are racists, sizeist, sexist, etc.
But to not create and redo
this kind of harm in the world,
we need to understand and really reflect
on these systems that we’ve all
internalized to some effect.
So to understand, like,
where am I on the spectrum?
How do I benefit?
All of these things actually really
take time and deep, you know,
self-reflection and work.
And that kind of questioning, I think,
is something that I find it
helpful to be offline
because I’m like, otherwise,
I’m just listening
to what everybody else is saying.
Like, are these my thoughts
and my feelings
or am I just internalizing
what other people are just shouting
into the atmosphere
and into the internet?
I think, there’s moments where obviously,
a lot the uprisings in June
would not have happened
if it wasn’t for the information
that was shared
and that action, of course,
was so important.
But I think there’s different
phases, you know.
And when it’s just about shame and optics,
that’s not how we change the world.
For us to change the world,
we need to inhabit
and act on these reflections.
So I think there are again,
more questions to ask ourselves, like,
do I just not want
people to think that I do this?
And often we are in echo chamber
of the people who follow us
and people we follow, right?
So a lot of the times
we’re just sharing and shouting
into the atmosphere of people
who have the same ideals as us.
And that energy can be used
in a different way.
And also sometimes inhibits, I think,
real harder conversations from happening,
because I think social media
isn’t often an intimate enough of a space
to be able to ask each other questions
that we’re afraid to ask.
Or mistakes, it’s not favorable
to making mistakes anymore,
which is my critique and sadness
about social media.
You know, our biggest fear
is being called out for something.
But this call-out culture,
sometimes, not always,
I understand its role
and place in society,
but sometimes doesn’t allow for us
to have more engaged conversations
around these systems
that we’ve internalized.
And we all make mistakes
and we all have to learn
and sometimes it doesn’t allow
for that to happen.
CSB: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I think that’s beautifully said
and we’ve come to the end
of our time here.
But I am so grateful to you
for this conversation, Naomi,
and thank you for sharing all this.
I’ll talk to you soon. Take care.
NS: Thank you, Cloe and everyone.
Much love.
vinnie moag
July 27, 2021 at 3:38 pm
Cloe Sasha Brooks is so incredibly beautiful! Those curls are gorgeous on her! Oh how I wish I could meet you Cloe Sasha!!
Rooted Reality
July 27, 2021 at 3:39 pm
Most things are private… most things don’t need to be shared… why does your neighbor who has never been over for dinner or coffee to chat, need to know literally anything about you?
Anubhav Rauthan
July 27, 2021 at 3:43 pm
Loved this! Completely agree with Naomi ❤☺
Ashutosh Mishra
July 27, 2021 at 3:46 pm
Just permanently delete your social media accounts. People ruin beautiful things. Make your life and love strictly private in order to stay happy. I’ve deleted my facebook 8 months ago and Instagram account in April 2021. I’m feeling good and I’ve found that I’ve plenty of time to look after my loved ones and take care of myself. ❤️
theboredsurgeon
July 27, 2021 at 3:51 pm
yup
Big Dee
July 27, 2021 at 3:49 pm
Emotional clowns that live among us … there is no appeasing the lazy libtard
Miraculous
July 27, 2021 at 4:04 pm
She is so beautiful🌸 I love her smile🌹🌹🌹
YaxyE Ied
July 27, 2021 at 4:24 pm
Really nice
Nicole on EQ
July 27, 2021 at 4:15 pm
I just took a social media cleanse and it was GLORIOUS. Sometimes you just need a break from all the noise online.
Pritha Mallik
July 27, 2021 at 4:23 pm
Sweet ❤❤❤
YaxyE Ied
July 27, 2021 at 4:24 pm
She is amazing 😃❤❤❤
Christopher Sundquist
July 27, 2021 at 4:34 pm
This is getting more ridiculous by the day. If it causes anxiety, THEN DON’T DO IT. Stop seeking other people’s approval and living in a FAKE world. Start living in the REAL world and GET OUTSIDE.
Alvin Ragi
July 27, 2021 at 5:32 pm
Exactly.
Angie
July 27, 2021 at 7:10 pm
social media addiction is very similar to a substance addiction, it provides a temporary yet unhealthy escape from things at hand for some people, and telling them to just stop and just get a life and just start a hobby is like telling a drug addict to just stop and live a normal life. Humans are far more complex than that because of how the new world works. Not to mention the fact that it is made to be addictive, because that’s how the corporate world makes money.
Christopher Sundquist
July 27, 2021 at 8:52 pm
Lol….Humans like to make themselves seem more complex as individuals in an effort to justify the actions they know to be unhealthy. The truth is that Humans don’t follow subtleties. They only change when they are slapped in the face. If they want to change. Getting on line for any type of social interaction and complaining about anxiety from social media is nothing more than an attempt to get attention from Humans like you through a blatant act of hypocrisy.
Christopher Sundquist
July 27, 2021 at 9:29 pm
LMAO…at no point in time did I state you are addicted to social media, so don’t be so ARROGANT to put words in my mouth. At no point in time did I state that I get anxiet from social media, there for there is no act of hypocrisy. LMAO…you are the one that decided to be the hypocrite by makeing your last state. It is your own anxiety, caused by my reply, that caused you to make such a short sighted and hypocritical statement. I can in fact do this all day long and shrug it off as if it was nothing. This is because if you were actually using you critical thinking skills, you wouldn’t have responded the way you did. You made it blatantly obvious the only thing you care about is defending your position. This was proven by your arrogance and two blatant lies. The fact is once I saw the video and realized the never ending incompence of “Ted Talk” I unsubscribed.
Satoshi Nakamoto
July 28, 2021 at 1:16 am
Depression doesn’t exist either. It’s a short term feeling that tells you that something something right, it’s not a chemical thing or a disease thing
Aigerim K.
July 27, 2021 at 4:35 pm
I’m not too sure if I need social networks because of my pleasure to live in calm. Most f them give a false sense of life. Only have been using utube and fb to be aware of important things relate to edu.
Yathiesh
July 27, 2021 at 4:45 pm
Cute smile
Scot Fretwell
July 27, 2021 at 4:55 pm
Go for a walk. The internet is a toxic wasteland fit only for leftist trolls.
Zenn Exile
July 27, 2021 at 5:01 pm
“TED it’s for WooWoo now”
HZ
July 27, 2021 at 5:23 pm
She glows
Frydac
July 27, 2021 at 5:59 pm
I stopped using social media in 2013 because I realized it generates more negative emotions than positive (for me).
I guess I’m lucky I really don’t need it for anything..
(I do post comments on yt from time to time, but I disabled any kind of notification, so I’ll never know if someone responds to anything I say, which frees me of any expectations/emotions there 🙂 )
Jeffrey Zain
July 27, 2021 at 6:05 pm
NAOMI HAS A DREW BARRYMORE JE NE SAIS QUOI. SHE’S BEAUTIFUL.
Falk Mathes
July 27, 2021 at 6:26 pm
In ganz Europa herrscht Göttliches Mainstream-Medien-Verbot, Flugverbot, Flugzeugverbot, Hubschrauberverbot und Polizeiverbot. Polizisten, Flugzeuge und Hubschrauber sind vogelfrei, also zum Abschuss freigegeben. Wer ein Flugzeug oder abschiesst bekommt 1000000 Euro, wer einen Polizisten tötet bekommt 40000 Euro. Wer einen Medien-Lügner in ein Fahrzeug richtung Guantanamo pfercht bekommt 60000 Euro.
All over Europe there is Divine Mainstream Media Ban, No Flight, Airplane Ban, Helicopter Ban and Police Ban. Police officers, planes and helicopters are outlawed, so they can be shot down. Whoever shoots or shoots an airplane receives 1,000,000 euros, whoever kills a police officer receives 40,000 euros. Whoever crams a media liar into a vehicle in the direction of Guantanamo gets 60,000 euros.
Partout en Europe, il y a l’interdiction des médias grand public Divine, l’interdiction de vol, l’interdiction des avions, l’interdiction des hélicoptères et l’interdiction de la police. Les policiers, les avions et les hélicoptères sont interdits, ils peuvent donc être abattus. Celui qui tire ou tire sur un avion reçoit 1 000 000 euros, celui qui tue un policier reçoit 40 000 euros. Celui qui entasse un menteur médiatique dans un véhicule en direction de Guantanamo touche 60 000 euros.
moed al garny
July 27, 2021 at 6:28 pm
getting fukd under a dectatorship state : ok ok if dont post about this it do not exist ok ok
Teresa Hodges
July 27, 2021 at 6:34 pm
Number 1 tip. Jesus! Peace that passes all understanding.
Alsadek Alkhayer
July 27, 2021 at 6:47 pm
Naomi Shimada, so passionate.. So excited about the book, with such a beautiful smile that everything else is forgiven 😍
Vaibhav Vishnoi
July 27, 2021 at 7:00 pm
First time I am watching anyone’s face rather than reading captions😋
She is very very very cute🥰🥰
The GreatOutdoors
August 1, 2021 at 5:38 pm
Try listening to her actual message instead of just commenting on her appearance? Women are not here for you to judge our looks.
Vaibhav Vishnoi
August 1, 2021 at 6:04 pm
@The GreatOutdoors I have just appreciated her transparency bro.
And I already knew what her message was😏.
mt89
July 27, 2021 at 8:58 pm
When you feel FOMO, make a better post and throw the FOMO back!
Stephen Mattison
July 28, 2021 at 1:06 am
Her smile is infectious! Thank you!
Ananthajith S
July 28, 2021 at 3:13 am
Logical brain : _hmm yes, I should be aware of the social spectrum I lie on regarding my use of social media…_
Monke Brain : *_hihi.. pretty lady in orange_*
John Paul
July 28, 2021 at 4:54 am
That smile tho 🥰
Sababa Tamanna
July 28, 2021 at 5:20 am
Great talk!
Manjeet कुमार
July 28, 2021 at 6:43 am
Nice video
Nice video
Nice video
Nice video
Nice video
Aka Su
July 28, 2021 at 10:25 am
Wow perfect girl
Lisztomania
July 28, 2021 at 11:30 am
She looks full of energy, smiling all the time. You guys too, stay healthy and happy
Shelton Machado
July 28, 2021 at 12:06 pm
É possível aprender diversas coisas na internet por meio da curiosidade, bem como se inspirar na mensagem, no trabalho de várias pessoas. Devemos usar essas ferramentas com cautela, com inteligência, não confudindo, por exemplo, as barreiras do público do privado. Amei a temática!
Kim Burby
July 28, 2021 at 12:24 pm
Good talk, great smile
cheryl duckworth
July 28, 2021 at 12:48 pm
I had some friends on Facebook who Loved good food. They went out to great restaurants and show pictures of lobster and steak and just all kinds of fabulous expensive dishes. That made me more jealous than someone taking my boyfriend away hahaha should be able to eat such lovely food and afford it I got really envious.
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July 28, 2021 at 3:20 pm
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July 28, 2021 at 4:26 pm
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Squeaky Lynch
July 28, 2021 at 4:30 pm
Nut cases.
niccolom
July 28, 2021 at 6:39 pm
So many people judging Naomi by her appearance… Few people mentioned her talking points… Exactly why people those who don’t identify as male are losing their peace of mind online.
Myriam Fersing
July 30, 2021 at 9:11 pm
Thank God I never fell for Facebook or Instagram- what a waste of energy…if you have a real life you do not need this public undressing and fall for 1 minute glory…
Marco Sul
July 31, 2021 at 9:06 am
permasmile
Nishant Roy ZH2
July 31, 2021 at 12:54 pm
She’s so beautiful and cheerful 🥰
Daniel Tantra W.
August 1, 2021 at 6:58 am
Does it include quitting youtube?
The GreatOutdoors
August 1, 2021 at 5:43 pm
To all the men in this thread who have totally ignored Naomi’s very important message and instead just commented about how cute / beautiful she is, PLEASE stop it. Women are not here for you to judge our looks and feel entitled to comment on them. You need to stop objectifying women and start actually listening to them. FFS 🤦🏻♀️
Earnist Se
August 1, 2021 at 10:20 pm
I’ve changed my social media habits , I used to always pay attention to the accounts of those I knew and seeing what they were up to , I no longer follow anyone I know like that and only follow those who can empower me or be an ally to my success. I want to rid my mind and time of worrying about things that don’t contribute to my wellbeing or success