Making friends as an adult can feel like a baffling obstacle course. Why was it so much easier to connect as kids? To help you find well-rounded and fulfilling friendships, psychologist Marisa Franco discusses science-backed tips on how to make (and keep) friends, like the optimism-inducing “acceptance prophecy” and the shame-reducing “theory of chums.” Learn more about the power of platonic love and how it can help you experience the full richness and complexity of who you are. (This conversation, hosted by TED current affairs curator Whitney Pennington Rodgers, was part of an exclusive TED Membership event. Visit ted.com/membership to become a TED Member.)
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Melissa Gonzalez
February 3, 2023 at 12:47 pm
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February 3, 2023 at 1:07 pm
She’s active on telegram
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February 3, 2023 at 1:07 pm
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February 3, 2023 at 1:09 pm
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February 3, 2023 at 3:52 pm
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February 3, 2023 at 12:47 pm
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SHRIMANLAXMAN SHAH
February 3, 2023 at 12:47 pm
विश्वभर के बाहुबली तड़ीपार बहुरुपिया मायावी राक्षसों का वध जय श्री माता महाकाली आवाहन… इस्ट इंडिया कम्पनी वालो राक्षसों who wef world bank के राक्षसों का वध जय श्री माता महाकाली आवाहन… कोरोना षड्यंत्रकारियों का वध जय श्री माता महाकाली आवाहन..
Alen
February 3, 2023 at 12:56 pm
Hi! I see people as danger to me, even if there is no obvious treat. Because I don’t know what they are thinking. Its a too big of a risk to have friends. I have hurt some people without wanting that, and I have been hurt too many times even from a “true friend” to be able to trust anyone. That’s why I’m still in contact with only one friend for decades, and not making more. I’m 47 now.
Te_le_grqm me @ted023
February 3, 2023 at 3:53 pm
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Ahou Koffi
February 3, 2023 at 11:03 pm
Hello Alen will you like to chat with me . Just to talk to know each other more? I just want to talk to someone. I need some help.
Z-Luxe
February 3, 2023 at 1:06 pm
At 41 my friend circle has completely changed.
T Byers
February 3, 2023 at 1:33 pm
Meeting new people as you are older ,is awfully difficult, as I have found they have their “click” of people are who they stick with. I am in a small town and it’s restricted to the ages of people in there. If you are married with kids it’s much easier to talk to other parents as they have same interests..their child..so they have something in common. But when it someone like myself,, never married, no kids, no partner, you are limited with a common connection . As that is how I used to connect with others. I spent 7years caring for my elderly parents.. during that time my life was focused on them, and social abilities ,were lost. I’m back out there trying to reconnect with others. We don’t have social groups as they don’t seem to last after 3months they tend to crumble. Which is disheartening. I am isolated and people in my town are either beginning a family.. or are retired or ready to be in care. It’s just very clicky who will accept you. All I know is I just have myself, to lean on. So I continue to be me smile and say Hello and hope others can relate to my openers. I also believe when your friend is getting married it is crucial to get to know their partner.. ask ?s enjoy time with them both. This has worked very well for me as I have clicked with their partner, in my case they have been males and we have gone on to have interests that we both like,and can share. I have no problem having platonic friendships… and I means friends.. nothing more. But people talk and put 1+1 and get 3. . There are strict boundaries you have to uphold , and stand strong with them. People are so narrow minded and I have found having a male as a friend much easier than with a female. You get the males view of a situation, and I appreciate that. With females it’s much more cattier, and I don’t want that in my life. I don’t care for gossip either, as the people in my small town seem to find it fascinating. You need trust respect , loyalty… a common ground to build a strong foundation to build apon.
I learn a lot by observing others and their interactions. But im never fooled when I meet people for the 1st time.. you want to be approved of and they want you to approve of them. And at 1st of course it clicks.. but give it time and true colours will show. Friendship to me means, unconditional faith and strength in each other and to be able to communicate in a positive and effective manner. Respecting each other’s differences and opinions. There is no black or white, yes or no. I call it different shades of grey. I only have 3 close friends and I treasure them. But finding new friendships at my age is extremely difficult.. as the outlets are very hard to find.
2LegHumanist
February 3, 2023 at 1:52 pm
I’m up to my eyeballs with career and a young family. I don’t know where I’d find the time for friends and I’ve found plenty of fulfillment with my current life.
That might change as the kids get older, we’ll see.
Te_le_grqm me @ted023
February 3, 2023 at 3:53 pm
Inbox me 📥📥 directly 👆👆👆
BASS NINJA
February 3, 2023 at 2:09 pm
It’s called going outside we made friends without phones when I grew up we went to there actual home
Te_le_grqm me @ted023
February 3, 2023 at 3:53 pm
Write me 📩📩👆
Vesa Wuoristo
February 3, 2023 at 2:20 pm
I should have friends, but I really don’t keep up with people to have any
Daniel Jones
February 3, 2023 at 2:42 pm
This comment section is filled with bots
Te_le_grqm me @ted023
February 3, 2023 at 3:54 pm
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♜þinned by willie d live
February 3, 2023 at 3:54 pm
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JonQUILL
February 3, 2023 at 3:54 pm
PROnoia 29:03
28:20
booby35
February 3, 2023 at 4:04 pm
Wow, I wonder how many degrees you need to make a particular case a generality, or stating the obvious… Great way to overthink it all, or promoting a book
booby35
February 3, 2023 at 4:05 pm
Ted talks became really lame over time
Doug Cummings
February 3, 2023 at 4:09 pm
I’m new to stock market /Crypto and would like to invest but I’ve go no idea on how to make good profits. Pls what’s the best approach you’d recommend?.. .. …
Wood Chuck
February 3, 2023 at 4:11 pm
Need to find a cat parent group 😋
Craig Keller
February 4, 2023 at 6:07 am
Or dog!
Anna Reel
February 3, 2023 at 4:18 pm
Such a great conversation! Can’t wait to read her book! I’ve been trying to find a book that talks about attachment styles in friendships, but most books out there are about attachment styles in romantic relationships. This popped up in my feed at the perfect time 🥹💜
Gio6
February 3, 2023 at 5:49 pm
Ummmmmmmm… ok this was amazing !
Sa a
February 3, 2023 at 6:21 pm
زیرنویس فارسی هم بگذارید.😐
All Time Hits (ATH) 🎵
February 3, 2023 at 6:34 pm
Thanks to you beautiful.. you just change my way of thinking while having a conversation. Also thanks to Ted talk for this.❤️
The6thElement
February 3, 2023 at 7:06 pm
I’m a senior, and when I was young I had many friends. I then sold real estate for over 30 years and moved from NYC to a remote area. I am now happy with collective friends because I know who I am. Thanks!!❤
Evelyn M.
February 3, 2023 at 7:25 pm
This is very excellent!
Craigslist Replies
February 3, 2023 at 9:25 pm
Does anyone know any good sites to make friends online?
Negrete Angela
February 3, 2023 at 10:59 pm
Anyone reading this in the Phoenix AZ area? Let’s be friends!
Patrick Turner
February 3, 2023 at 11:16 pm
Some of us are fine with “loneliness”. I for one really enjoy the time that I can have alone. I do have friends, but I prefer to stay at home and watch YouTube or work on a project, rather than go out and meet up with other people in a crowded space. I don’t have any diagnosed phobias, or problems with meeting new people, but I do prefer to spend more and more of my time alone.
Samira Mohamed
February 4, 2023 at 8:14 am
I think there’s a difference between loneliness and solitude
Seena S.
February 4, 2023 at 5:02 pm
There’s a big difference between loneliness and being alone (or having solitude). Loneliness is usually not a choice and can lead to serious depression, especially in teens and older adults.
Benjamin Dover
February 3, 2023 at 11:26 pm
Nice
Kishkina Y
February 3, 2023 at 11:42 pm
I think there are a lot of great tips here, but one thing I take issue with is how therapists/psychologists advice people on vulnerability. You can’t tell people to be vulnerable or not without having an idea of the level of real danger in their environments. People who keep their guards up usually have a good reason and this is learned behavior that have helped them adjust. I really hope what she talked about here is all we need to know about friendship but unfortunately it’s more complicated in real life. The tips rest on certain optimistic assumptions about human nature that might not be true sometimes.
smileyface702
February 4, 2023 at 11:04 am
Of course it’s more complicated in real life. She’s not your personal therapist or counsellor.
Kishkina Y
February 4, 2023 at 5:47 pm
@smileyface702 lol chill fan girl/boy it’s not a criticism. The tips work great for some people but might not work for a lot others who struggle with the problem, how’s that offending you? I heard the “be vulnerable” advice thrown around a lot and was pointing out the potential hazard, how’s that expecting her to be my person therapist? Thanks for reminding me why I hate people.
SteveBowen
February 5, 2023 at 9:19 am
@Kishkina Y — It’s safe to assume that smileyface is anything but. Your points are good and valid ones.
F
February 4, 2023 at 2:00 am
An attractive woman inviting men to events in a busy city is basically playing the friendship game on easy mode.
Julz Lago
February 4, 2023 at 3:00 am
Hello good day to each and everyone…
marie claire graley
February 4, 2023 at 8:17 am
20:32
marie claire graley
February 4, 2023 at 8:26 am
26:19
smileyface702
February 4, 2023 at 10:58 am
I’m just over a minute in and I already love this. Friendship is definitely undervalued and I really wanna grow in this area before I consider getting into a romantic relationship.
Alma Cristina Roman
February 6, 2023 at 7:14 am
Why?!?!
Josh G
February 4, 2023 at 11:24 am
so be likeable, and talk. Easy peasy!
Katya Maliutina
February 4, 2023 at 12:07 pm
Love it! Thanks a lot for this interview!
Seena S.
February 4, 2023 at 5:21 pm
It’s even more difficult to make friends as we age. Senior centers can be beneficial for some, yet depressing for others. Many older adults no longer drive and depend on public transportation, making socializing more challenging. Check out volunteer opportunities, join a local political or civic association, reach out to your religious affiliation if you have one to find events, join book clubs, walking groups, library groups, etc. Meetups are also a great way to meet people in your area who have similar interests. (I found that older adults’ age groups are limited in Meetups – they tend to age-out activities for people over 65). Joining a fitness center may be another way to make friends, although most people are there to workout and leave. But, it’s always good to stay in shape! You have to be willing to explore on your own.
00MrPanda00
February 4, 2023 at 11:47 pm
Just what I was needed.
Ally yahweh
February 5, 2023 at 6:44 am
8:02
Ally yahweh
February 5, 2023 at 6:47 am
26:20
Ally yahweh
February 5, 2023 at 6:48 am
26:38
Ally yahweh
February 5, 2023 at 6:54 am
31:04
Ally yahweh
February 5, 2023 at 7:00 am
3:00
the_bopper
February 5, 2023 at 1:02 pm
WOW she handled each and every question like a boss. i aspire to be like her one day ^^
Cawston Greenway
February 5, 2023 at 3:07 pm
I started a community volunteer group that turned an old disused railway line into a nature walk. We have been doing it for 14 years and meet at the same time and day each week. It’s such a good way to meet new people and because it is activity-based, it makes it easier to come along and muck-in. Easier than trying to strike up face-to-face conversations with people who you don’t know.
Celeste Schacht
February 5, 2023 at 6:18 pm
Great!
carmenza Gonzalez
February 5, 2023 at 7:13 pm
Realising with this topic what I complain all the time in my adult life of not having friends, now I see that I always assume people don’t like me and I am also very defensive.
We don’t need many friends but just one can make all difference.
Hard to admitting my own decisions cut many other opportunities of friendships.
Will make more effect to let things go in my life and open to more space for hobbies!
Michał
February 5, 2023 at 8:10 pm
Was she making a scenario to my little pony?
Alma Cristina Roman
February 6, 2023 at 7:14 am
I didn’t find out any “secret to make friends” from this video. Maybe should start with definition of friendship, as friends are not some people to whom you say hello in the hallway. Secondly I’d like to hear the reasons why people trying to make friends are rejected, to be able to address the root causes. Listening to stories read in other books and answering questions she has chosen…. what is the value?!
airangel94
February 6, 2023 at 11:44 am
I love this discussion. With the pandemic, I feel like I’ve gotten slightly more distant from my friends from college, both physically and emotionally. This was a good reminder to put in more effort into the relationship now that we’re working adults – that it’s no longer organic and we need to keep creating new memories and experiences again. Thank you for this inspiring talk. 🙂
FellowDan Barber
February 6, 2023 at 2:11 pm
“There’s comes in a time in life when you’re able to count your true friends with one hand. 3 of those friends will be your doctor, your nurse, and your orderly. The other two are entities trying to get whatever money you have left.s
Jalesha Newsome
February 6, 2023 at 3:56 pm
A lot of my friendships end up being extremely one sided. It’s like nothing you do hits the mark
hi victoria
February 6, 2023 at 10:19 pm
Thank you so much for this ❤
naznyc
February 7, 2023 at 3:50 am
This was a great talk/interview. How might I get in touch with Whitney?
Mark Reeves
February 7, 2023 at 10:56 pm
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
Peter Williams
February 7, 2023 at 10:57 pm
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Mark Reeves
February 7, 2023 at 10:57 pm
@Peter Williams Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Peter Williams
February 7, 2023 at 10:57 pm
@Mark Reeves Her name is Sylvia Regina White, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Mark Reeves
February 7, 2023 at 10:58 pm
@Peter Williams Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
MostlyLoveOfMusic
February 7, 2023 at 11:46 pm
Okay but if you are not female and not neurotypical then it is a million times harder…
MostlyLoveOfMusic
February 8, 2023 at 12:00 am
She says “right” too much… We will decide if she is “right” or not