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My mother’s final wish — and the right to die with dignity | Elaine Fong

Visit to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more. After a terminal cancer diagnosis upended 12 years of remission, all Elaine Fong’s mother wanted was a peaceful end of life. What she received instead became a fight for the right to decide when. Fong shares the heart-rending journey…

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After a terminal cancer diagnosis upended 12 years of remission, all Elaine Fong’s mother wanted was a peaceful end of life. What she received instead became a fight for the right to decide when. Fong shares the heart-rending journey to honor her mother’s choice for a death with dignity — and reflects on the need to explore our relationship to dying so that we may redesign this final and most universal of human experiences.

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52 Comments

  1. Audiogeeks Vintage Sales

    March 29, 2021 at 3:38 pm

    I hate to use this anology, but why do doctors play God? Any doctor that does not do what a patient wants is a fraud

  2. safae saufie

    March 29, 2021 at 3:56 pm

    I wish we had that option with our mum. She was burning and none of her doctors could help or could we do sth for her. She suffered a LOT for months and her skin was peeling off her flesh before our eyes and we couldnt help her ! We felt HELPLESS and we prayed GOD she dies in preace …😓

    • Seraph1nia

      March 29, 2021 at 4:26 pm

      Im sorry to hear that.😔

    • safae saufie

      March 29, 2021 at 4:37 pm

      @Seraph1nia Thank you 😞

  3. nooie99

    March 29, 2021 at 3:58 pm

    Very moving, and reminded me of my mothers death. Who didnt have the same choice as your mum.

  4. Madhan Packiriswamy

    March 29, 2021 at 4:05 pm

    You are so brave Mam🙏

  5. You are beautiful

    March 29, 2021 at 4:21 pm

    Beautiful talk

  6. Back Health 101

    March 29, 2021 at 5:12 pm

    This IS TED !!!

  7. Rebecca

    March 29, 2021 at 5:19 pm

    R.I.P. to your extraordinary mother and a very happy heavenly birthday to her.

  8. RAHUL RAJPUROHIT

    March 29, 2021 at 5:20 pm

    Your mother is really a brave person. My condolences to you and your family. Some part of her will always live inside you.

  9. Nikos Metaxotos

    March 29, 2021 at 5:22 pm

    We can live with dignity, we can’t die with it
    Dr Gregory House

  10. Zacharia PC

    March 29, 2021 at 5:24 pm

    Lucky mom, really, so lucky in many ways.

  11. CadillacJak

    March 29, 2021 at 5:25 pm

    Communism is Evil

  12. CadillacJak

    March 29, 2021 at 5:35 pm

    This is America and you should 100% be able to make whatever choice you want with your own body.

  13. ZH

    March 29, 2021 at 5:38 pm

    You forgot to mention the Dr. Kevorkian already was fighting for this in the 90s, and even went to jail for that particular cause. He’s been a hero for many people for exactly this.

    • Jina Gibson

      March 30, 2021 at 10:09 pm

      It totally needs regulations and support. A place.

  14. Tamasa Patra

    March 29, 2021 at 5:45 pm

    May her soul rest in peace.

  15. Lisa Love Ministries

    March 29, 2021 at 6:23 pm

    Seek God’s will daily for eternity.
    1 Corinthians 15👑

  16. Luella David

    March 29, 2021 at 6:32 pm

    Thank you.

  17. Laura Duffy

    March 29, 2021 at 6:44 pm

    @Elaine Fong, thank you for sharing your mother’s story with me, and us. You are such a strong daughter to share this story as your mom asked, on her birthday.

  18. T N

    March 29, 2021 at 7:25 pm

    You gave your mother an amazing gift of love, peace, and dignity.

  19. Data Soong

    March 29, 2021 at 8:10 pm

    Suicide is sou yse…I don’t understand way a low is need…

  20. David Pereira Moro

    March 29, 2021 at 8:55 pm

    what a talk! great to hear it, thank you for sharing it.

  21. Isabelly De souza guimaraes

    March 29, 2021 at 9:09 pm

    my condolences to you and your family… your mom is so Brave!

  22. Walter George

    March 29, 2021 at 9:14 pm

    Wonder if she had been gang stalked ???

  23. No one star

    March 29, 2021 at 11:23 pm

    omg, it would be *SO* great to die with dignity. Especially when you’re existing (not LIVING, mind you) in agony.

  24. Bryan Atneosen

    March 29, 2021 at 11:52 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience.

  25. stella

    March 30, 2021 at 1:10 am

    You are so brave and your mother was as well. May she rest in peace

  26. estella

    March 30, 2021 at 1:10 am

    You are so brave and your mother was as well. May she rest in peace

  27. Елена Шишова

    March 30, 2021 at 1:29 am

    ghbdtn

  28. Houston Ashley

    March 30, 2021 at 5:34 am

    That was so beautiful. Not just as a view into the death of a loved one, but moreso a view into the perspective of one facing death. Thank you for this.

  29. 새콤달콤

    March 30, 2021 at 5:37 am

    I’m lucky to hear this important story.
    As our life is limited, we are trying to live without regret.

  30. Dexter Haven

    March 30, 2021 at 8:00 am

    Whose life is this, anyway? It’s ours.

  31. Rosita Davis Bryan

    March 30, 2021 at 10:06 am

    bitcoin investment is great unlike the stock market and other financial bitcoin has no centralized locations since it operates 24 hours a day in different parts of the world

  32. Tommy U

    March 30, 2021 at 11:36 am

    Your mom so strong and brave. RIP 💐

  33. Jayashree J

    March 30, 2021 at 1:07 pm

    Sad to know the fact that even death doesn’t come for free .. 😢

  34. I understand Life

    March 30, 2021 at 1:07 pm

    Sad to know the fact that even death doesn’t come for free .. 😢

  35. ariyanto lim

    March 30, 2021 at 1:16 pm

    Tank you for the sharing. Your Mom is super strong, so are you.

  36. Jayashree J

    March 30, 2021 at 1:26 pm

    When some one is tearless doesn’t mean they are not empathetic , they are actually brave and bold !! Just like u .

    • Go-go 63

      March 30, 2021 at 9:16 pm

      Also, sometimes it is a result of having cried so many times about it, and you have told the story so often that you can get through it as with practice.

  37. I understand Life

    March 30, 2021 at 1:26 pm

    When some one is tearless doesn’t mean they are not empathetic , they are actually brave and bold !! Just like u .

  38. Timothee Chalamet

    March 30, 2021 at 11:07 pm

    A death like this is sad because you’re saying goodbye to someone you loved so dearly, but you get to say goodbye properly and it allows the person to maintain who they are. We need to talk openly about death.

  39. Eric Hrahsel

    March 31, 2021 at 6:24 am

    Is this considered suicide?

  40. Ronell Van Der Bank

    March 31, 2021 at 2:16 pm

    Thank you for talking about your mum’s death now bo not feel alone my mum passed away a month ago

  41. Rochelle Brown

    March 31, 2021 at 2:18 pm

    Having someone else murder you is not dying with dignity it is cowardly and disgraceful.

    • micgooflander95

      April 3, 2021 at 7:52 pm

      What is cowardly and disgraceful is subjecting other people to torture so that you can impose your antediluvian religious delusions on them.

  42. Caroline Ang

    April 1, 2021 at 3:24 am

    Thank you for sharing.

  43. mishy

    April 1, 2021 at 11:06 pm

    This must have been difficult for you to speak about. RIP 🥺

  44. Jamie Blackwell

    April 1, 2021 at 11:08 pm

    Thank you.

  45. Teryy Capraro

    April 2, 2021 at 12:31 am

    Beautiful

  46. celestialcircledance

    April 2, 2021 at 12:36 pm

    I kept thinking why doesn’t she just find another Oncologist but maybe there was a small part of her that was a little unsure as well and they both knew when it was time .

  47. crema de la soda

    April 2, 2021 at 12:46 pm

    Euthanasia for everybody

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