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How to Love Your Complicated Family (W/ Ashley C. Ford) | How to Be a Better Human | TED

What parts of yourself did you lose as you grew up? This is one of the central questions asked in Ashley C. Ford’s memoir, Somebody’s Daughter. Ashley joins Chris to talk about growing up with an incarcerated father, grappling with a complicated relationship with her mother, and how writing can be a way of processing…

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What parts of yourself did you lose as you grew up? This is one of the central questions asked in Ashley C. Ford’s memoir, Somebody’s Daughter. Ashley joins Chris to talk about growing up with an incarcerated father, grappling with a complicated relationship with her mother, and how writing can be a way of processing and understanding your life. They also discussed why adults become less kind to kids, how libraries can become safezones, and how to confront the messy parts of childhood.

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Host: Chris Duffy (Instagram: @chrisiduffy | chrisduffycomedy.com)
Guest: Ashley C. Ford (Instagram: @smashfizzle | Website: ashleycford.net/)

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Somebody’s Daughter ()

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22 Comments

  1. @ladybug158

    August 20, 2025 at 11:25 am

    Sometimes loving family means setting boundaries too!!!!

    • @phoenixjb3

      August 20, 2025 at 4:29 pm

      I agree

    • @ProviderNow

      August 20, 2025 at 5:56 pm

      that’s very true
      and Adulting is realizing your parents’ ‘just go to the doctor’ advice hits different when YOU’re paying the bills

  2. @ShashankSharma1314

    August 20, 2025 at 11:26 am

    As soon as I read the title, I immediate played the video.

  3. @mrfalleo

    August 20, 2025 at 11:32 am

    ‘Love’ is a strong word.

  4. @kathlenewang539

    August 20, 2025 at 12:03 pm

    I so relate to some of what Ashley said. I grew up in a violent home. My father had no control over his emotions. And my eyesight— 😂, I have always had terrible eyesight and am dyslexic. And, I didn’t get glasses until sixth grade so, I learned to memorize what I heard and to navigate the world by landmarks, shapes and colors. It worked but I’m glad I learned to read and to read a map.

    I love to journal now and do most mornings. I do this to drop, on the page, my thoughts so I don’t have to carry them with me through the day. Additionally, I do this to sift out the fallacies in my thinking. It’s a lovely way of being there for myself, to care for myself.

    I’m glad I found your channel. This interview was warmly done and introduced us to a very thoughtful person. I just added her book to my Libby library. 🙏

  5. @AndreyEstateKyivUkraine

    August 20, 2025 at 12:27 pm

    Nice conversation

  6. @mango_lassie

    August 20, 2025 at 12:36 pm

    She reminds me a lot of Guinan from Star Trek: The Next Generation (played by Whoopi Goldberg). Very wise, and also knows how to have fun.

  7. @MsTaLaiah

    August 20, 2025 at 1:39 pm

    Wow 🥲
    I’m pausing at 11:12 to say how loving and meaningful Ashley’s dad’s request is. And this is how i know i haven’t been loved by either parent. They hear my truth and easily dismiss and skate right past it. I’m ok with that bec we all get to make choices with our volition. I see us three as equals even if they never will see me that way. I love that her dad prioritized her wellness and truth above his ego and desires. Love that!! 🥹👏🏽😭

    • @MsTaLaiah

      August 20, 2025 at 1:48 pm

      “…it’s the only thing worth doing next to living somebody.” I agree. To give yourswlf space for your truth—whether you tell it to someone or just to yourself—is loving. To have the person that says they love you be adamant that your truth needs to exist and be shared is so loving. To love yourself and to love another is to have truth and respect for the lived experiences in both sides.
      I can imagine one day that when i have both I’ll feel rich. I’m establishing it right now within myself so that i don’t constantly feel like I’m lacking when there is no one to look at me and prioritize my voice the way that i do or deserve.

    • @ProviderNow

      August 20, 2025 at 5:58 pm

      Truly,
      and Healthcare in America: $200 to be told to drink more water and get some rest ✨

  8. @AngryPatriotsFan

    August 20, 2025 at 2:21 pm

    My forgiveness is letting you into my life and see how it goes from. There is by far the best quotes I think I have ever heard that I can relate to the most personally. I have always struggled to find a way to describe my feelings about a parent with addiction who has now been sober 11 years. It’s not that I forgave them for everything they put me through. My forgiveness is allowing them in my children’s lives. Really love this quote. Awesome video.

    • @ProviderNow

      August 20, 2025 at 5:57 pm

      Yeah, ofc
      Healthcare in America: $200 to be told to drink more water and get some rest ✨

  9. @jesseeec

    August 20, 2025 at 2:38 pm

    No contact is the only way to save your sanity

    • @BonnieShadow33

      August 20, 2025 at 9:56 pm

      No contact is one way to manage trauma. It is also possible to go low contact or remain full contact while setting boundaries. Each situation, each person is different, and I think it’s important to remember that. What’s right for you might be wrong for someone else – and that’s ok.

  10. @kinsmed

    August 20, 2025 at 3:52 pm

    Ashley, notice that Chris’ pop screen is off to the side.
    You have a wonderful range of expressions. We want to see them.

  11. @BSPoK

    August 20, 2025 at 5:56 pm

    Beautiful!

  12. @todaycountsshow

    August 20, 2025 at 9:38 pm

    🙏 Needed this reminder today—thank you for sharing! 💡

  13. @livingroomforus

    August 20, 2025 at 10:30 pm

    “Silence is not an equitable trade for love. People who need you to be silent about the way you hurt them in order for you to prove that you love or forgive them, are not people that are loving you very well in that request. It’s a very human request to make, but it is not loving.”

  14. @passthegravy7688

    August 21, 2025 at 12:24 am

    Don’t fool yourself. It can’t be done.

  15. @melmusica

    August 21, 2025 at 3:49 am

    mic dropping wisdom wow

  16. @TheBestLifeMindsetWithShelly

    August 21, 2025 at 2:47 pm

    Powerful ✨ So many of us bury parts of ourselves just to survive childhood. The real work as adults is uncovering what we lost and daring to bring it back. 💖

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