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How to come out at work, about anything | The Way We Work, a TED series

When TED media coordinator Micah Eames came out as trans at work, he quickly realized he’d need to start having tricky conversations with coworkers. Here’s his advice for how you can open up about your identity at work and what your colleagues can do to help. The Way We Work is a TED original video…

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When TED media coordinator Micah Eames came out as trans at work, he quickly realized he’d need to start having tricky conversations with coworkers. Here’s his advice for how you can open up about your identity at work and what your colleagues can do to help.

The Way We Work is a TED original video series where leaders and thinkers offer practical wisdom and insight into how we can adapt and thrive amid changing workplace conventions. (Made possible with the support of Dropbox)

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69 Comments

  1. Mratyunjay Kag

    November 30, 2020 at 4:57 pm

    I love his shirt.

    • Fred Dobbs

      November 30, 2020 at 5:14 pm

      ITS shirt. You love its shirts. It is an it.

    • Sinestesia13

      December 1, 2020 at 1:05 am

      @Fred Dobbs Ok boomer

    • Fred Dobbs

      December 1, 2020 at 1:20 am

      @Sinestesia13 Boomer?! Dude. I’m 27.

    • Sinestesia13

      December 1, 2020 at 1:23 am

      @Fred Dobbs You’re 27 and thinking like a boomer? Wow. Feeling kinda sorry for you now.

  2. MultiFreakface

    November 30, 2020 at 5:06 pm

    I dont see this having any standing outside of the trans community

  3. MultiFreakface

    November 30, 2020 at 5:07 pm

    Why make the email include the skin part? unless for self-comfort in sending it

    • L. G

      November 30, 2020 at 6:12 pm

      To make it less awkward. It gives opportunity to start the conversation and to not make it ALL about the coming- out

  4. Sam Brown

    November 30, 2020 at 5:18 pm

    I really don’t like cats

  5. Monkeyheadtpc

    November 30, 2020 at 5:20 pm

    “Hey people, I have dry skin, does anyone have any tips? Also, I am a very unemotional person and would love to be left alone about any and all of your personal life. It’s okay to mess this up, we’re all in this together.
    Thanks”

    • marcos

      November 30, 2020 at 6:13 pm

      wtf

    • Monkeyheadtpc

      November 30, 2020 at 6:54 pm

      @marcos This will be my coming out email tomorrow. I’ve suffered under others for long enough. Thanks to this video I now found the courage to communicate my needs.

    • marcos

      November 30, 2020 at 11:17 pm

      @Monkeyheadtpc this is awesome i’m happy for you

  6. טל סייג

    November 30, 2020 at 5:32 pm

    Thank you so much! I’m a trans man like you and I’m happy to say that so far everywhere I came out I had wonderful responses, and got lots of love and support by everyone. Yes, sometimes people will say silly things or ask silly questions, but I know that it’s not because of malintentions, only from ignorance. I try my best to be patient and explain everything as best as I can.

    • privat privat

      November 30, 2020 at 6:33 pm

      hey the new world is not build in a day…we only have just begun!
      love from belgium!

    • Luka I

      November 30, 2020 at 8:53 pm

      Thats awesome(: so happy for you!

  7. R4nd0mdude11

    November 30, 2020 at 6:17 pm

    Yeah i dont think you need to come out, i knew just from the thumbnail

    • Dakota

      November 30, 2020 at 6:26 pm

      Get lost.

  8. Catchy Experiments

    November 30, 2020 at 6:27 pm

    RANDOM FACT: The highest mountain in mainland Spain is located in the southeast of the country and is called Mulhacén. It can be found in the Sierra Nevada mountain range and is 11,413 feet (3,478 meters) tall.😎

  9. AM Channel

    November 30, 2020 at 6:58 pm

    Barbs from Geography NOW!?!?!?

  10. amethystvvitch

    November 30, 2020 at 7:42 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this, Micha! All the best xx Jude

  11. rb93077039

    November 30, 2020 at 8:04 pm

    Try coming out at work as a Conservative or Repulican, and see what happens.
    In fact, try coming out as having anything other than utopian left-wing beliefs, and it really doesn’t go well, and there’s no-one willing to advocate for / defend you and so the alienation and harrassment leads to you either quitting or being ‘managed out’.

  12. Luka I

    November 30, 2020 at 8:52 pm

    Your shirt roughly resembles the trans pride flag 🥰🏳️‍⚧️

  13. Luka I

    November 30, 2020 at 8:58 pm

    Thank you Micah 😊

  14. Star Gazer

    November 30, 2020 at 9:27 pm

    Go to work and do your job!
    Your sexuallity is your business.
    I don’t go to work and say, I’m straight, single mother, broke ..I go to work and say my name is Susie, how can I help?

    • Right Wing Media

      November 30, 2020 at 9:44 pm

      Exactly 👏 The victim mentality is strong in this woman.

    • nicholas schear

      November 30, 2020 at 10:33 pm

      As much as I would like to agree with you that my sexuality is my business, we do not live in a day and age where it is this simple. It is much easier to tell your coworkers you are lgbtq ahead of time in case they ever come in contact with your partner without notice. I would assume and hope that if someone met my partner they would just accept me and wouldn’t care, but often enough that doesn’t happen. Also, if you are in a work environment you might want to build a community, which means people like to share aspects of their personal life. No one ever tells a married women to stop talking about her husband, but people will immediately ask a gay man to keep his boyfriend to himself.

  15. ABWABWABWABWABWABWABWABWA ABWABWABWABWABWABWABWA

    November 30, 2020 at 9:58 pm

    could men get any more weak than this

    • Sinestesia13

      December 1, 2020 at 1:02 am

      Yes, consider the existence of other men that are triggered by gays on Youtube for a second.

  16. M. Schmitz

    November 30, 2020 at 10:30 pm

    Thank you for sharing. 🙂 …Am I the only one here, who knows the serie shameless and the transguy Travor in there? This is a funny coincidence. They look pretty the same.

    • Alex Fischer

      December 1, 2020 at 7:53 am

      Elliot Fletcher? I only know him from Faking It, but him and this guy look nothing alike! But yeah, similar style.

  17. jem benton

    November 30, 2020 at 10:31 pm

    Pure vitamin e oil at night is really good. Aloe vera also good, keep it natural.

  18. Verena Satriani

    November 30, 2020 at 10:35 pm

    I like the way he explains everything. All words reflect confidence.

  19. Minivan Recon

    November 30, 2020 at 10:42 pm

    News flash. You weren’t fooling anyone to begin with.

  20. nicholas schear

    November 30, 2020 at 10:52 pm

    To everyone looking for advice and just trying to be themselves, you got this. Don’t listen to the trolls in the comments, you are valid and loved. 🖤🖤

  21. Devyn Christopher Gillette

    November 30, 2020 at 11:17 pm

    You’re a girl. Accept reality.

    • Kazoo Hours

      December 1, 2020 at 2:25 am

      Its not affecting you in any way, accept reality.

  22. Matt Phelps

    November 30, 2020 at 11:23 pm

    Needed this <3 Thank you Micah!

  23. Mauricio rodriguez

    November 30, 2020 at 11:25 pm

    Thank you!!!

  24. Zaineb Hameed

    December 1, 2020 at 12:01 am

    I used to think I’m a dog person until I had my first cat, I adore her well I have two now. Just don’t compare cats with dogs because they are as different as you and I in some points. Give it a try and hopefully you’ll understand what I mean. Oh, and I think you’re an amazing person. Take care

    • Georg Plaz

      December 1, 2020 at 7:47 am

      to say “cats and dogs are as different as you and I” doesn’t really help your point. compared to the huge differences between cats and dogs, the difference between us is minute (since we are both humans), so with your comparison you actually implied that cast and dogs are not all that different.. 😅

    • Errant Cognition

      December 1, 2020 at 9:06 am

      @Georg Plaz People have way more variation in temperament and personality, what are you talking about

    • Georg Plaz

      December 1, 2020 at 10:00 pm

      @Errant Cognition but that is an arbitrary scale. a very human centered scale. I think if you had an alien entity creat tests to measure the difference between to beings, pretty much all them would say that the average dog is more different from an average cat than two randomly picked humans

    • Errant Cognition

      December 2, 2020 at 4:20 am

      @Georg Plaz Bruh, we’re talking about a human choosing between a dog and a cat. A theoretical alien literally has nothing to do with it. It’s not even a “scale,” it’s a perception

  25. Rheder Silva

    December 1, 2020 at 12:13 am

    The world should not care about what U want to push

  26. John L

    December 1, 2020 at 2:56 am

    Good onya Micah, well done mate 🙂

  27. Hayk Beroyan

    December 1, 2020 at 5:55 am

    It’s disgusting when Turkey can kill entire nation and say it was a war. Every lie has an end and this is the end of Turkey’s lies and blackmail.

  28. Alva D.

    December 1, 2020 at 6:21 am

    Why do you need to come out at work? You just force people to accept your personal opinions about your private life. They don’t get any choice to answer react honestly about that because otherwise they’ll be sent to HR. Work life is professional life. You can come out to colleagues/friends after work. Your sexuality and/or identity shouldn’t have anything to do with your work or performance so why force that onto people?

    I don’t mean that offensive at all. I just don’t understand why you would keep private things private.

  29. Laurent Pingault

    December 1, 2020 at 7:05 am

    How do you end you ?

  30. Georg Plaz

    December 1, 2020 at 7:39 am

    This video is outrageous! someone openly promoting the “made up idea” of not liking cats! ridiculous

    jk ❤️ 🐈

    • Jessica Washington

      December 1, 2020 at 11:28 pm

      He does like cats don’t worry!

  31. Esther B.

    December 1, 2020 at 8:18 am

    I’m distracted from this interesting topic by the idea that people are lying about being allergic to cats when they really just don’t like them. This is a huge problem for those of us with actual allergies to things. People always suspect us of lying. They want to see your whole face swell up when really it’s your lungs getting mucus in them that No one can see. It’s not ok. No one should support anyone who comes out about being such a destructive, entitled liar. Why not lie about having cancer, then come out? Or about being raped? Because it’s unforgivable. Same with lying about having allergies. Yes it is. You’re just so fucking corrupt you don’t know it.

  32. Edward Kyle

    December 1, 2020 at 8:58 am

    Go back! Please just go back.

  33. Errant Cognition

    December 1, 2020 at 9:04 am

    So if I send an unsolicited personal email saying I don’t like cats, but instead I’m not talking about cats and instead I’m talking about not liking left wing sociopolitics, that’s cool too then?

  34. Alexander Vok

    December 1, 2020 at 10:06 am

    Why come out as a trans in the first place? If some woman wants to “be” a man, she should just look like a man, behave like a man, work like a man etc. and hence be treated by co-workers like a man. If woman doesn’t look like a man but still wants to be called “he”, then, of course, the explanations are necessary.

  35. Moog

    December 1, 2020 at 4:54 pm

    ok tenderqueer

  36. Grim Rabbit

    December 1, 2020 at 5:51 pm

    To anyone looking for advice and just trying to be themselves, it’s a job stupid. Do you’re job and go home. Your coworkers don’t care how valid you personally don’t feel and don’t need to love you, stupid. 🖤🖤

  37. chris tello

    December 1, 2020 at 6:36 pm

    how did I get here?? hahahaha!!!

  38. Jacky Mo

    December 1, 2020 at 9:43 pm

    Ah, yes. My comment got deleted for not meeting woke standards.

    • Sinestesia13

      December 2, 2020 at 6:17 am

      I love how you people give “common sense” an ugly name like “woke standards” in order to feel less like a bunch of dirtbags for positioning yourselves against it.

    • Jacky Mo

      December 2, 2020 at 12:26 pm

      @Sinestesia13 You don’t even know what I commented in the first place, but yeah, call me a dirt bag. Sure.

  39. Jessica Washington

    December 1, 2020 at 11:29 pm

    Y’all ever see someone you went to college with on ted and feel a little bit famous because of it? I do 😆 congrats Micah on your awesome job!

  40. d3Rm0Nk

    December 2, 2020 at 12:13 am

    I feel like the “we’ll all mess up my name/pronouns including myself” is really important for some people.
    Like, I still accidentally adress myself with male words, so why should I super hate on others for that.
    It’s new to all of us

    Also I am very anxious about coming out at work albeit working super well in my private life

  41. evolgenius

    December 2, 2020 at 2:39 am

    Conservatism. 🤫

  42. Luq Nichols

    December 2, 2020 at 6:42 am

    No way! Congratulations Micah, this was a great video! I did a double take when I scrolled past this. Love to see Flyers on TED!

  43. WyomingWoodscolt

    December 2, 2020 at 9:42 pm

    Live well, be happy…

  44. Daniel Adrian

    December 3, 2020 at 9:46 am

    “They’re the same person you’ve always known them to be”… now with the added power to control your language and behaviour, not bad!

  45. MyYou Tube

    December 3, 2020 at 6:39 pm

    TED stands for technology Entertainment Design where does Trans fit here
    The war now against humanity nature

  46. Molly D

    December 4, 2020 at 11:50 pm

    If you think it’s hard to leave a relationship, but you are experiencing any sign of infidelity you need to say to yourself, “I can do better,” and just leave.  I had no choice but to contact a professional tech guy who I got introduced to by my friend, he helped me hack my partners phone and I found out he was cheating , I even got to see his deleted messages, pictures and videos. I had no choice but to confront him and leave the relationship Because it became too toxic for me. I know someday I would find the right man for me. Incase you need the same service from the professional tech guy , you can contact him through Gmail : cyberhackanswers @ gmail. com or Text/WhatsApp: ‪+1 626 578 5544, or send him a dm on instagram @blonde_hacker_ infidelity hurts.
    stating what you want him to do, he’s affordable. No one deserves to be cheated on. i confronted him . At first it hurt so much, but then suddenly, I felt free and good. Trust me, it’ll feel a lot better once you accept that the relationship is over.

    ‘];’.

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