Visit to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more.
As a police officer, Jeremy Brewer interacts with individuals experiencing trauma and loss on a daily basis. Giving us a peek into this little-discussed aspect of the job, Brewer shares thoughtful insights on why respecting people’s space is sometimes more important than trying to fix an unfixable moment — and explains how you can use this approach to support someone when they need you the most.
The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world’s leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design — plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You’re welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know.
TED’s videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at
Pookie Wookie
January 15, 2021 at 4:42 pm
Thank you for your service 🙏🏽 Wonderful Talk 🇺🇸
True Crime Queen TV
January 15, 2021 at 4:43 pm
LOVE THE CHANNEL! STAY SAFE EVERYONE 🙏
Brent Dowland
January 15, 2021 at 4:44 pm
Why do I get the feeling; he’s not listening to me?
KIANA MCKNIGHT
January 15, 2021 at 4:48 pm
I just posted a vid on mary Vincent’s case if anyone wants to hear how much of a warrior she is
John Gundaker
January 15, 2021 at 4:49 pm
Wise and even needful talk, respect is such a big deal, thank you for sharing and caring.
ES Sieg
January 15, 2021 at 5:00 pm
Thank you. This should be sent out to every police department. Respect space. Awareness of highly charged moments, the human experience.
In the beginning of the pandemic, I was bombarded with abusive people, trying to reverse what happened. I couldn’t breathe.
He looked me in the eye and said, “You Saved You” and told me to repeat after him. He saw I was non violent, and that they didn’t even know where I kept my medication or my dog’s name. He was one of maybe 6 officers as I was crying in the lobby with my dog in my arms trembling.
They took me to the psych ward ER, where he explained to the nurse staff what was happening.
I am still traumatized by this, but this one officer, stepping outside the box and staying with me . . . he had tears in his eyes
He kept having me repeat “You saved you,” helping me breathe in and out. And one more thing he looked at me and said, “they’re doing this because they have to.” I got what he meant.
Klinsman Lamare
January 15, 2021 at 5:12 pm
Nice one
Lucianst99
January 15, 2021 at 5:13 pm
Interesting, where I live the Paramedics manage the patient care, death notification etc. Police Officers control the integrity of the scene for the Medical Examiner.
Skylar Keyon
January 15, 2021 at 5:21 pm
Woow woow 😍💋 💝💖❤️
Whit
January 15, 2021 at 5:29 pm
Physical touch is never the proper comfort unless you are RETURNING it.
Claire Broadway
January 15, 2021 at 7:18 pm
Context is everything. I think touching family members and friends that you have a trusting relationship with to provide comfort is perfectly good and often welcome. And I say this as someone who is not very touchy feely.
Gong Vikrampal
January 15, 2021 at 5:30 pm
Thank you!!!!! Fully agree!!!!! So much love
Nguyễn Vũ
January 15, 2021 at 5:52 pm
Nicely done , sir !
MrZacchery
January 15, 2021 at 5:58 pm
This is so good.
george kurgansky
January 15, 2021 at 6:10 pm
This is gut wrenching. I wish for more Policemen like him.
Hippity Hopotus
January 15, 2021 at 7:28 pm
Most police officers are like this man.
Polandjl
January 15, 2021 at 7:00 pm
This officer, whether he knows it or not, makes THE argument for defending police. The calls he talks about responding to that destroyed him emotionally and that he didn’t know how to handle are calls that he should never have been forced to handle without frankly being a licensed therapist. This poor man has been traumatized by being made to respond to situations he was never trained for, and because of his lack of training, he has traumatized others accidentally. I believe he is a good man, based from the way he talks. A good man with responsibilities he could never be reasonably expected to live up to with his training and pay rate.
Claire Broadway
January 15, 2021 at 7:16 pm
It seems like there should be a licensed therapist that gets called in for these situations, or a police officer that is specifically trained and specialized so there is at least one on the scene. I’m not certain if it would be best served by another org that works directly with the police, or within the force itself, since I’m sure there are times when they can’t always anticipate someone will pass away, and it would be good to have someone that responded to the call that is already trained.
Eve
January 15, 2021 at 7:36 pm
True
Polandjl
January 15, 2021 at 8:00 pm
@Claire Broadway I could not have put it better myself. I totally agree. On calls in which someone is in distress, a licensed therapist should ALWAYS ride along. In my mind. That is the first step of defunding the police. The second step is trading the military gear and training that police officers receive for social programs which will, in the long term, result in many calls in which someone is in distress no longer coming in. It also means that our legal system is not burdened by the homeless, the mentally ill, the traumatized and the poor, because those people will all be receiving the help they need to stand on their own
Ваня Xuльko
January 15, 2021 at 9:08 pm
You mean defunding. We totally need more social care workers, and less police.
Eve
January 15, 2021 at 9:09 pm
@Ваня Xuльko yeah we do 🙂
Mai Britton
January 16, 2021 at 10:17 am
@Claire Broadway In some cities in northern California officers are accompanied with a therapist/social worker. Depends on the funding and citizens asking for what they think their city and “fellow man” needs.
Rosamunda Dos
January 15, 2021 at 7:21 pm
Gracias por los subtítulos. Muy buena lección. En relación a adaptarse a las situaciones, recomiendo Seis zapatos para la acción de Edward de Bono. Saludos
gendule King Jr.
January 15, 2021 at 7:47 pm
I have I deal give opportunity to completely too and let’s world hearing about it couz I’m South Sudan boy
Joe Mullings
January 15, 2021 at 8:03 pm
Thank you for such a powerful message!
Medicine today
January 15, 2021 at 10:02 pm
I’m medical student and i make scientific videos i only need your support
Jade Choi - Million Dollar Challenge
January 15, 2021 at 10:07 pm
Interesting. Never thought about this trauma. Thank you for sharing.
The Mean Arena
January 15, 2021 at 10:09 pm
Too late! The demoralization of American society is too deep.
Karmen
January 15, 2021 at 10:21 pm
Listening is all about being selfless and making your priority the person in front of you. He mentioned giving that lady a hug and having her retract out of discomfort, at that time he had not thought about the mourning process or asked her if she wanted a hug. So, please always ask questions and never assume.
Crypto love
January 15, 2021 at 10:53 pm
LOVE YOU GUYS ❤️❤️ WRIGHT MY BROKER VERN CALOSS ON WHAT SAPP TO MAKE GREAT RIO IN BTC
His what Sapp
+ 1. 3 0. 2 3. 8. 5. 1. 0. 7. 8💬
Do well to tell I reffered you to him. his strategies are top notch, he will help you
j k
January 15, 2021 at 11:02 pm
I sincerely hope that he has someone just as compassionate, when he’s the one receiving the news of death.
Terry Wheelock
January 16, 2021 at 12:57 am
If you are gonna help someone, “HELP THEM”, if you are gonna support someone, “SUPPORT THEM”, if you are gonna listen to someone, “LISTEN TO THEM”! It ain’t rocket science! 🤣
This guy is JUST BLABBERING! 🤣
0 0
January 16, 2021 at 1:33 am
Best ted talk in a while. Outstanding.
0 0
January 16, 2021 at 1:34 am
Every one should watch this! Amazing
Djaafar HAMIDI
January 16, 2021 at 2:27 am
Thanks for the video Honorable Policeman. It’s a great lesson
Mathias Reippuert
January 16, 2021 at 2:33 am
I really love hearing these successful people talk!
They seem so smart, and it’s fascinating that they have managed to build that kind of wealth.
I’m really excited to get on the same journey, figure out what’s working, and hopefully find the key mechanisms so anyone can obtain that sort of success.
As long as they are willing to follow those mechanisms.
I’m an entreprenuer and I’ll do whatever it takes to get there, and to uncover the truths.
if are interested in joining and following my journey, I would be very pleased and one day I will let you know excatly what actions you need to take, in order to succeed.
Candace Dawn
January 16, 2021 at 4:50 am
I was told in nursing school that it was okay to cry so I did when I helped a patient deliver a stillborn baby.
Leigh Butterbrodt
January 16, 2021 at 6:46 pm
That was good advice. Losing a child has to be the worst pain, unimaginable.
Josh C
January 17, 2021 at 12:15 am
Was the baby…. still born 😈💅🏿
Bhoomi Gupta
January 17, 2021 at 7:05 am
wait
how did it help deliver a baby?
Mero Mohamed
January 16, 2021 at 5:28 am
About my misfortune with the men I loved him 3 times and none of them loved me, then I got married and had children, and we disagreed and the divorce was completed. A person appeared recently in my life who told me that I love you and I want to marry you and then came to me saying: I do not feel comfortable in that relationship and we have not talked about it much and we will be able to overcome it easily, I am very sad, because nothing or problem came from me, and since last night I have been I cry with grief for myself, my feelings, and my life that goes by without love or marriage, I am 30 years old
Tabacchum Taba
January 16, 2021 at 5:35 am
Who love to learn English?
Adventures with Frodo
January 16, 2021 at 6:02 am
Thanks
Mai Britton
January 16, 2021 at 6:35 am
Respect space; I work with children and when they fall most of the time they look to me. All ages. Most to see my reaction and some it’s about ego in not crying. I will talk with them when they cry, tell them to breathe or gently rub their back. I empathize by telling them I know its scary when you fall. I respect their space. Its interesting how other co workers ask me how why I dont run to a child and touch them.
Mai Britton
January 16, 2021 at 6:38 am
Respect space; COVID 19. When out in public if I am closer than 6 ft. I ask if it’s ok to enter their space. In the last 9 months I have only had 2 people move away from me while asking.
Carmen Batchelor
January 16, 2021 at 11:14 am
👍🏼👍🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼✌🏼♥️♥️ love this!! Excellent…
Lieve Leysen
January 16, 2021 at 12:17 pm
😊💖🙏🏻
Sam Youngblood
January 16, 2021 at 4:01 pm
Police work? They just wanna meet quotas, not help people! Toss em in the new jail system part of the prison industrial complex! Make innocent people into Bad people! Watch the Mike wood Jr. on Joe Rogan! We need police! But we need them to stand up for the people who need help, the few arrogant ones stop being vigilantes! Corrupt Policy has destroyed our nation! Taking a family’s last dollar to meet a quota. Falsify tickets-There needs to be reform! Not add to the drug epidemic! Walmart am McDonald’s never paid people the 15$ an hour people still mock today-yet Rent an Cost of living went up as if pay increased! People are losing everything! And you won’t understand till it’s you!
Gaasuba Meskhenet
January 16, 2021 at 11:36 pm
Defund the police
young gamer
January 18, 2021 at 5:43 pm
No
Mr Un Veasna For New Headway
January 17, 2021 at 2:33 am
Hello teacher I am Veasna I am a boy I come from Cambodia 🇰🇭 And you?
Bhoomi Gupta
January 17, 2021 at 7:14 am
ted talks make us learn so much from other people’s experiences
Jenny C
January 17, 2021 at 7:57 am
Thank you.🙏❤️
Sara Vecchiato Faisstnauer
January 17, 2021 at 7:58 am
I wish there were more versions of this according to the culture. I read comments about keeping eye-contact, but in some countries it doesn’t work at all, especially between different genres it can be misunderstood. In some countries people touch each other to signal they are talking to them.
HOOP-X
January 17, 2021 at 1:13 pm
I hit the like button at 6:08
Urjjo Bandyopadhyay
January 17, 2021 at 1:45 pm
All BS…All criminals should be gunned down without hesitation that’s how crime is cut….BLM is fake , ALM isn’t!!!
mays qaoud
January 17, 2021 at 1:56 pm
woooow
Natarajan AV
January 17, 2021 at 4:08 pm
Good, but not worthy of TED
R B
January 17, 2021 at 5:42 pm
thank you for sharing your story! what thoughts you got from it, applying different methods in future situations. I really needed to hear this. Great advice!
Majed Alam
January 17, 2021 at 7:43 pm
I wish the world had more police officers like you 👏🏽
Ute Beate
January 17, 2021 at 8:44 pm
Thank You so much, You deeply touched me. Love
HeadshotCraft
January 18, 2021 at 2:16 am
who is TED?
Royce Liam
January 18, 2021 at 6:01 am
Its no news that crypto exchangers actions has placed digital assets value at a tight space, bitcoin bulls is building up but meeting a stiff resistance and has gone way lower, It is not a time to start slowing down but to take hold of the moment and trade using well analysed signals and strategies. I have always fancied trading, but my inability to analyse the market technically has always limited my scope, but with assistance from experts and seminars i have improved even though am still not that good, One of such such experts i have always admired is James Hamilton, using his strategies and other added knowledge. whatspp (+1 9735246692) provides basic insights needed in understanding trading
Adi Saputra
January 18, 2021 at 7:02 am
Yang Kesini cuma mau belajar bahasa Inggris like
Pradeep Chandar
January 18, 2021 at 2:06 pm
Title and video doesn’t match
The Mental Health Trek
January 18, 2021 at 3:12 pm
We have two ears and one tongue, so that we can listen more and talk less.
Feel free to also check out our great content.
金诚
January 19, 2021 at 5:35 am
You totally right…people need people when they feel depress,but in China, Chinese police is very irresponsible who only care for murder case and pay no attention for someone psychological problems and family dispute
61ueSat
January 19, 2021 at 12:00 pm
My English ability is low, so I sometimes miss it. But his way of speaking is very educational! I will do my best for my dreams!
Gideon Aghahowa
January 19, 2021 at 3:43 pm
The ability to connect to people’s feelings at times most needed is more or less a must-have for all.
つよぽん
January 19, 2021 at 4:12 pm
寝る前にみてます
جستجوگر E
January 19, 2021 at 5:15 pm
لطفا فارسی زیرنویس کنید.
ManGoDemon
January 19, 2021 at 5:38 pm
“ndak ngerti bahasa enggres”
Gehad Mamdouh
January 19, 2021 at 11:07 pm
I have one question out of the converstion , i want to change the language of talker into Arbice could someone tell me how to do that please?!
Prisha Warikoo
January 31, 2021 at 1:14 pm
Unfortunately there arent arabic captions up yet to this video, but if you check in there should be Arabic captions soon. I dont think theres an option to change the audio though.
Vame Animations
January 20, 2021 at 9:35 pm
It’s one of these moments at TED Talks where I’m struggling with a like button as the only way to show my appreciation.
But I can promote it by sharing it, thankfully!
Ulises Merlos
January 21, 2021 at 4:00 am
message: they want to separate us for that the covid was invented
Train Kinder - Simple Leadership Hacks
January 21, 2021 at 7:12 pm
Respect personal space, be a better listener, and don’t victimize people for their suffering. Thank you so much for sharing the stories!
Ralf Güntert
January 22, 2021 at 7:14 am
Many people say their actively listen, but very few do. It is exhausting and does not get easier. I try to repeat what I thought to be important for each person and sometimes make temporary notes. I am annoyed of most people too because when I talk about abuse, they relativize it or start talking about their issues. However, if another person comes to me talking about his or her problem, I do not speak much at all. Only try to focus on remembering what was said and summarize it. Anything short of remembering it in the first place is basically an insult as it took probably many days…hours to just share 5 minutes. Listening also means just that. What may sound trivial to me, could be much bigger for someone else. Everyone, including me, should just admit to be not a good active listener as it is in our nature to dump 80% of our input anyways…
John Morgan
January 24, 2021 at 3:51 pm
this man is the spitting image of lance armstrong….
lance armstrong is cool too
B. Brown
January 27, 2021 at 6:18 am
The role of cops is still the same – catch the bad guys & chuck them in jail. Sane people still believe in this.
Dumbasses who were coddled by single moomie still believe that the rest of the world is supposed to continue to coddle them from cradle to grave – enabling their psycho/sociopathic tendencies.
Lori Garcia
January 28, 2021 at 1:36 am
Dear, community service worker. Thank you for your direct and to the point commentary. Unfortunately, I’ve been that person of “ shock and grief “ to many times. Have always been treated with respect (two way street),, your words of being there , just “BE THERE” how simple but impactual. Thank you sir.