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5 Parenting Tips for Raising Resilient, Self-Reliant Kids | Tameka Montgomery | TED

How do you raise kids to step outside of their comfort zones and unlock their inner potential? It all starts with helping them develop a resilient mindset. Mother and business owner Tameka Montgomery makes the case for cultivating an entrepreneurial outlook at an early age — and offers five strategies for emboldening young minds to…

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How do you raise kids to step outside of their comfort zones and unlock their inner potential? It all starts with helping them develop a resilient mindset. Mother and business owner Tameka Montgomery makes the case for cultivating an entrepreneurial outlook at an early age — and offers five strategies for emboldening young minds to embrace opportunities and solve their own problems, no matter the path they choose.

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79 Comments

79 Comments

  1. Attila Árvai

    October 6, 2022 at 1:44 pm

    No. If you want people to leave home, lower the price of houses. Learning ‘how to adult’, or to have an ‘entreprenoulier spirit’ wont make houses cheaper, and wont increase the avarage income of young adults. Stop trying to blame parents for the failure of the economy.

    • Adriana77 W.

      October 6, 2022 at 7:10 pm

      I don’t think so that the author had in mind to blame parents for economy situation … it’s seems to me my friend , you’ve gotten triggered …

    • freesk8

      October 6, 2022 at 11:10 pm

      It is not the job of “the economy” to provide houses for people who have not earned them.

  2. Positive Quote’s

    October 6, 2022 at 1:50 pm

    Let them be Children. Don’t put any method or train as they are not humans. Let them learn and grow

  3. Christian Soldier

    October 6, 2022 at 2:01 pm

    Klaus Schwab says you’ll own nothing and be happy ,,, so what kind of setup are you pushing ?

  4. Tom Payne

    October 6, 2022 at 2:03 pm

    One of the best TED Talks I have ever heard. Pertinent, practical, doable, and essential. Thank you!

  5. Christian Soldier

    October 6, 2022 at 2:05 pm

    Dude, I’m 59 and we already had that system in place. the technology that took your kids away is what needs to change. Nowadays tough parenting is taking the tech away from kids and introducing them to reality. But !!
    don’t expect it to happen overnight. There will be a disconnect period (withdrawals ). give them a few days or at the most a week then get started on them with reality.

  6. Luke Serna

    October 6, 2022 at 2:10 pm

    Get on that capitalist hamster wheel and start making money for someone. As soon as entrepreneur comes into the discussion, this became a waste of time. Oh, wouldn’t be complete without “disruption”. Is she going to mention “bootstraps”, too. Oh, don’t forget “personal responsibility. There is better advice in the comments. Take a look at those, with caution, of course.

    • freesk8

      October 6, 2022 at 11:10 pm

      The alternative is becoming dependent on someone else, or maybe the government. But that is the path to failure and loss of self-esteem.

  7. William LaShonse

    October 6, 2022 at 2:12 pm

    Kids arent living at home because they lack resilience, they are living at home because rent is out of control and wages havent budged in 40 years. Grow up

    • Pandeng Li

      October 6, 2022 at 2:16 pm

      Yes, you are right.

  8. Bhantam

    October 6, 2022 at 2:20 pm

    I’m glad this technique works for you
    -and there were a lot of good points in this talk; however, training children to chase money can only create the wrong kind of resilience

  9. Melissa Davis

    October 6, 2022 at 2:57 pm

    Nice Ted talk! If people don’t like it then they can choose to not watch it! The comments only show that this talk was probably needed and hit too close to home, perhaps?! 🤷🏽‍♀️

  10. Gaasuba Meskhenet

    October 6, 2022 at 3:20 pm

    Money. The problem is money.

  11. Gaasuba Meskhenet

    October 6, 2022 at 3:22 pm

    Maybe it’s because all the jobs that pay well break your soul and so nothing ever feels worth it

  12. Gaasuba Meskhenet

    October 6, 2022 at 3:23 pm

    Hot take. She’s a bad mom and her kid is gonna grow up to be a land lord ruining people’s lives.

    Scalping isn’t a job. It’s a scam. And it should be illegal.

  13. Laralinda

    October 6, 2022 at 3:36 pm

    Can’t buy me love…

    • freesk8

      October 6, 2022 at 11:08 pm

      Money is not evil. Money represents human labor, and human value. Teaching people that they have to feel guilty about earning money is crippling them.

  14. Intrinsic

    October 6, 2022 at 3:59 pm

    Why have kids?

    • freesk8

      October 6, 2022 at 11:11 pm

      Because the future literally depends on that.

  15. Buggy Boy

    October 6, 2022 at 5:08 pm

    Let me quote a wise man on the issue of young people being unable to be resilient and self-reliant in today’s world:

    “Give me rent.”

  16. Home Wall

    October 6, 2022 at 6:16 pm

    You can raise your child to be free, or a slave.
    You can raise your child to be an innovative entrepreneur, to try and fail or succeed, or to be a cog of labor in another’s dream.
    You can choose or have others choose for you.
    Be an individual. It’s what you really are, though so many will try to force you to submit, obey and do as you are told to meet the needs your rulers.

    • Wablestomp

      October 6, 2022 at 7:23 pm

      Based home wall

  17. Sa Mü

    October 6, 2022 at 8:00 pm

    Never ever have I understood why you would want the perfect easy life for your Kids or for yourself. There is nothing more precious than the Look on a childs face when it overcame hardship.

  18. Charlie Bond

    October 6, 2022 at 8:33 pm

    Damn that story about guiding your kid to raise money to buy the plane ticket made me cry. I might even want kids now lol

  19. ken juan

    October 6, 2022 at 10:03 pm

    I think the title of this video is slightly misleading well the resilient part…this is more about raising kids to make money and I don’t know if this truly translates to resilience….also any kid that can raise close to a $1000 on their own is already living a different type of life…The average parent is barely making that in a month…in the end we need to raise children to be good human beings…yes we want them to be self sufficient and take risks but raising them this way I think perpetuates the broken society that we already live in and perhaps they’ll thrive in it but we should all want better.

  20. LEDISTIA MULYANI

    October 6, 2022 at 10:52 pm

    In my opinion, this tips can be a challenge for children to be brave in doing new things, to be more confident, make them dare to learn new things from the outside world, and can make them solve their problems in their own way. These tips are great for changing their mindset and giving them the space to be able to do what they want.

  21. freesk8

    October 6, 2022 at 11:13 pm

    Notice in the comments that those who object to the speaker are often promoting being dependent on government handouts. Which is the surest road to destruction of self esteem. Money is not evil. Money represents human labor, and human value. Teaching people that they have to feel guilty about earning money is crippling them.

    • RealGamer

      October 7, 2022 at 6:14 pm

      This is nonsense as well, im a libertarian and a business owner. Taxation is theft, and government should stay out of everyones business.

      I object to this TED talk on an intellectual level because she is creating a false narrative about self reliance and resilience. Without truly proving her point with her own children and misleading the audience on the message of other notable speakers.

  22. freesk8

    October 6, 2022 at 11:15 pm

    If you like this one (as I do) then check out a Jordan Peterson video. Personal responsibility is empowering. Much better than government dependency.

    • Vietnamese Style

      October 7, 2022 at 8:14 pm

      lol check out the video of him crying and defending involuntary celibates. He’s defending people who can’t take initiative to properly groom themselves and too afraid to take initiative for themselves. You’re hilarious. You have to be a comedian. 😂😂😂

    • freesk8

      October 8, 2022 at 5:27 am

      @Vietnamese Style Actually, Peterson says to young incel men that if women aren’t attracted to you, the problem is you. He tells them to improve themselves, work hard, get educated and get jobs. Take on responsibility. And that then they will become attractive. You don’t understand what Peterson is saying.

    • Vietnamese Style

      October 8, 2022 at 6:21 am

      @freesk8 Yeah I understand he cries like a child/girl over nothing.

    • freesk8

      October 8, 2022 at 8:01 pm

      @Vietnamese Style He really cares. Nothing wrong with that. Quite the opposite, in fact. He has real compassion and empathy.

  23. Josef K

    October 6, 2022 at 11:47 pm

    Maybe it’s training yourself and people to be delusional and not have any layered understanding of real things. The lack of confidence comes from a lack of experience. Unless you are delusional in some way or another. I know this because I can express confidence in regards to things I am an expert at due to the amount of time I’ve spent on it. Why do I not jump into an alligator pit? Maybe because it has fuckin alligators in it. Why do I jump into a clean swimming pool? Because I can see it’s safe. It’s called using reason and judging situations the best we can. And in order to do that we need to learn how things work. So why is someone afraid and someone not afraid? Because one has reason to be afraid and the other does not, the question is are any of these reasons good? An entrepreneur can have bad reasons and thus jumps into the alligator pit, while the person who is too afraid to do anything has bad reasons and won’t jump into the clean swimming pool.

    • Josef K

      October 7, 2022 at 12:21 am

      in other words, children should not be raised to be entrepreneurs. That is the wrong goal. Children should be raised to understand the world around them and to enjoy it without being deluded into the extreme concept of self reliance. Resilience can be perceived as delusional too. Be self reliant when you can’t depend on others at a given moment to handle a situation, this way you can make the decision that takes action when no action is the worse decision. Same with resilience. Be resilient and back down when it’s reasonable to do so.

  24. Phil Shapiro

    October 7, 2022 at 12:58 am

    This TED talk contains valuable wisdom. We can sometimes give our kids more by giving them less. Entrepreneurship ought to be a class that middle school and high school students can take. It could be an online class — asynchronous — so as not to interfere with other school subjects. As Tameka Montgomery explains, mindset is so important. Mindset can be cultivated.

  25. Anne Walsh

    October 7, 2022 at 1:51 am

    Really disappointed to turn this on hoping to learn about resilience and self reliance to have it become a talk about making more money-fovused, apathetic people. The classist capitalistic lens this is presented in is what the entier problem is.

  26. freesk8

    October 7, 2022 at 4:03 am

    So refreshing to watch a TED video that is not left-wing biased. The vast majority promote the opposite values. That people should not be self-reliant, but should depend on government redistribution. Thanks.

    • RealGamer

      October 7, 2022 at 7:23 pm

      That woman is as left wing as left wing can get. Get your mind right buddy.

    • Vietnamese Style

      October 7, 2022 at 7:58 pm

      @RealGamer looks like you know the truth. Looked her up and look what do you see? Democrat for Obama.

    • freesk8

      October 8, 2022 at 5:26 am

      @Vietnamese Style Promoting self-reliance and entrepreneurship? That’s not left-wing, regardless of how she votes. Her philosophy, as expressed in this video, is conservative or libertarian.

  27. Josh Erons

    October 7, 2022 at 7:01 am

    Early responsibilities and perspective shift, these are the required condiments too raising anyone at all levels. The hustle culture has no age limits. Phil my friend brought me here, he sent me this link.

  28. sucaad samaara

    October 7, 2022 at 7:25 am

    I went website Ted

  29. Kate Tsubata

    October 7, 2022 at 9:49 am

    This is powerful truth. I’ve seen the same things at work. I think I would add one more idea to the mix however. The idea of how to empower others with your economic choices. When kids learn that their growth and development can make things better for a larger group or the world, it’s even more compelling than just realizing their power to fulfill their own needs. For instance, the children of the speakers raised the funds to go to Tanzania, exposing them to the situation of people in another country. They learned to take a cultural/historical artifact and create a superhero design based on that artifact. With the larger consciousness of how one’s own responsible action can change perspectives and opportunities for others, they are reinforced in feeling value and pride in their own choices. Good job, Mom and Dad!

  30. MANJU LAL

    October 7, 2022 at 12:34 pm

    First you set an example by proving you we’re right in raising em.

  31. Shannon Nefra

    October 7, 2022 at 1:37 pm

    When I was nine I was grooming dogs, to earn extra money. By twelve I was pet-sitting, my needs were met by my family. However, if I wanted something I earned it! And this is something I teach my daughters aged fifteen and seven. I was not entitled, we must work. Thank you for this talk 💌!

  32. Geeks' Creation

    October 7, 2022 at 3:04 pm

    Insightful video. 🙂 i do agree on the part on reducing prosperity though. kids nowadays have lots of things, and having them come too easily will spoil them. Also yes, allowing them to solve their own problems will help them become more resilient. The key is to make them understand that if they never quit, they wont fail.

    i used to reward kids with money for doing chores as well, but after sometime, i stopped. Because doing chores are their responsibility, and not something to be celebrated when done. I dont want my kid to grow up having “whats in for me?” mentality even for common things like doing the laundry. The day you stopped rewarding “daddy dollars”, they stopped doing chores – I dont think parents want that to happen.
    Instead of giving money, I’d prefer positive reinforcement like giving praises, hugs and kisses to encourage a simple good behaviour.

  33. j.s Varaba

    October 7, 2022 at 4:06 pm

    조언을 할수있지만, 방법은 제시하진 말아요. 각각의 가정마다 환경과 문화가 다르니 국가별 인종별 문화가 다르듯 한집건너 한집도 아닌 집집마다 그들 가정안의 문화는 따로 존재합니다

  34. Sarah .A

    October 7, 2022 at 5:39 pm

    I do not agree

  35. Lydia Flih

    October 7, 2022 at 7:14 pm

    so childhood is gonna be about what you will become as an adult instead of just enjoying childhood. I disagree with several methods such as never paying for things they want. I call that a gift, i fear never giving them gifts will make them think later on that you need to “earn” acts of kindness from others. Let’s not forget giving children gifts is not only about giving them a toy they want, it is a way of showing them affection as they feel loved when you do willingly something to make them happy.
    I find it sad to take that away.

    • Vietnamese Style

      October 7, 2022 at 7:49 pm

      💯

  36. Cerbyo

    October 8, 2022 at 12:05 am

    how? dont watch the video just write ur own comment and if u want mbe look through the top comments and feel good about urself cause urs is making more sense than that garbage

    • WHATSAPP🎚𝟏-𝟒𝟎𝟏-𝟑𝟑𝟕‑𝟑𝟑𝟐𝟒

      October 8, 2022 at 12:51 am

      👆IIIIIIIII⤴️IIIIIIIII👆

  37. N Melendez

    October 8, 2022 at 1:00 am

    So you can’t buy him the gift of a trip but he can buy you a gift. Hopefully their relationships aren’t from an entrepreneurial mindset too.

  38. Husyen AlJawadi

    October 8, 2022 at 6:38 am

    Every individual is different, every family is different, so being different, there is no manual of raising children. I am glad it works for your family, however, not necessarily it works for other families. Further, tell us, after 20 years, how long they do anchoring.
    Family is not only about MONEY or so called SUCCESS, there is a lot more in it.

    • JOSIECAT🧐

      October 9, 2022 at 4:50 am

      Preach!!! 💪💖✨👏🏼

  39. Viết Đặng

    October 8, 2022 at 7:41 am

    her sons are watching this video : ohh we were cheated

  40. Invox

    October 8, 2022 at 8:33 am

    The reason young adults stay at home is because house pricing is sky-rocketing while wages are getting lower and lower. This is the SECOND generation that earns less than the previous one, and you think “entrepeneurism” is the solution? To create MORE ubers and food deliveres in the world? TED, go outside, look at the world, and talk to these people please.

  41. v alexander

    October 9, 2022 at 1:05 am

    I don’t think kids’ pf adults who are entrepreneurial are really chasing money. I think to want your own business, find solutions to global issues, trying to change the world aren’t cha Ching $$$. I taught my grandkids when they wanted things to get lawn jobs, snow removal, they did and earned what the needed. It was fun to watch them get excited about earning and finding ways to expand that … and I saw them help people for nothing, donate time and money when needs came up at church of school. I still watch them as adults do this!

  42. v alexander

    October 9, 2022 at 1:05 am

    I don’t think kids’ adults who are entrepreneurial are really chasing money. I think to want your own business, find solutions to global issues, trying to change the world aren’t cha Ching $$$. I taught my grandkids when they wanted things to get lawn jobs, snow removal, they did and earned what the needed. It was fun to watch them get excited about earning and finding ways to expand that … and I saw them help people for nothing, donate time and money when needs came up at church of school. I still watch them as adults do this!

  43. v alexander

    October 9, 2022 at 1:10 am

    Good they go to go to Tanzania. Now had the come up short would you have paid it? I think travel is a family thing, and such a great op for service, that taking your kids traveling is not going to raise entitled children. My dad took us to travel, but we had to earn our spending money, money for wants – I really like my kids taking action but what do you do if they don’t hit it?

  44. Fanshen Cox

    October 9, 2022 at 1:34 am

    This is brilliant. I’m not a parent – but I learned about how I could live my own life differently from this.

  45. TruJuLo Media

    October 9, 2022 at 1:35 am

    Very helpful tips – succinct and easy to have as goals to follow to raise more confident kids.

    • 🆆hatsAp+①④①⑦⑧⑨⑦③③⓪②

      October 9, 2022 at 2:08 pm

      Thanks for that remark!👆
      Always good catching up with you, Leave me a msg I’ve got something essential to share

    • 🆆hatsAp+①④①⑦⑧⑨⑦③③⓪②

      October 9, 2022 at 2:08 pm

      ✉️✉️👆

  46. 卵卵

    October 9, 2022 at 9:12 am

    自分で金稼ぐとかすごすぎやろ

  47. 🆃🅺𝓐 〘Pra𝖕a𝖙anKa𝖑i𝖘ar⃝i〙

    October 9, 2022 at 10:23 am

    *MAWLID CELEBRATION* 🎉!

    Millions of people celebrated mawlid in 🇾🇪 Yemen,
    🇮🇩 Indonesia,
    🇦🇪 Dubai,
    🇷🇺 Russia,
    🇹🇳 Tunisia

    ─ FIRST CONSULTATION, ENVIRONMENT AND CALIBRATION

  48. 🆃🅺𝓐 〘Pra𝖕a𝖙anKa𝖑i𝖘ar⃝i〙

    October 9, 2022 at 10:23 am

    “We can change the world and make it a better place. It is in your hands to make a difference.”

    ~Nelson Mandela

    🎓
    😊

  49. ZymaPro

    October 9, 2022 at 6:30 pm

    The best part of this talk is the speaker’s own story. This is definitely a conversation worth having. There are quite a few assumptions that get into the talk but the best points are from her own story and experience. The quote is definitely on point. Children and humans are naturally entrepreneurs. It is our school systems and our cultures that quickly destroy that. It is we who need to be mindful to work back to what is wise and natural… explore without limiting beliefs, achieve, survive, thrive.

  50. Frank Delahue

    October 9, 2022 at 10:45 pm

    Overprotective parenting can turn children in to nervous wrecks.

  51. Charlene Cotton

    October 10, 2022 at 2:37 am

    Are there only 5 techniques? Or is this the magic number to keep triggering me in my head.

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