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Everyone experiences loss, but how do you cope with the tough moments that follow? Resilience researcher Lucy Hone shares three hard-won strategies for developing the capacity to brave adversity, overcome struggle and face whatever may come head-on with fortitude and grace.
The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world’s leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design — plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You’re welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know. For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), submit a Media Request here:
A Lopez
July 7, 2020 at 2:49 pm
THANK YOU DEAR FOR THE GREAT MESSAGE.
UNIVERSE HAS HELD YOU CLOSER !!!!!!!
Ben Campbell
July 7, 2020 at 3:16 pm
CHRISTCHURCH
Yeah, can skip this talk
cesar6XD
July 7, 2020 at 3:35 pm
If this video sounds familiar to you that is probably because it was uplouded on the TEDx Talks channel in 2019. Link:
Danny B
July 7, 2020 at 3:44 pm
I dislike standing up for speakers
jean lastimoso
July 7, 2020 at 3:49 pm
Live and grieve at the same time. Beautiful!
German Muñoz
July 7, 2020 at 3:50 pm
In spanish?
Liam Smith
July 7, 2020 at 4:45 pm
“To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.” – William Blake
This snippet of the poem are words to live by, to remind yourself at every moment you can, to me it encompasses much of this talk and what it means to be optimistic but also, how to live presently and not let your life’s actual value pass you by – these moments, all of them.
A friend of mine was in an organisation known as the SAS, the most resilient people on the planet no doubt, he is the most optimistic person I’ve ever known and it is highly valued and even mandatory in order to be chosen. He wears those words above his watch.
nuitNo.6
July 7, 2020 at 4:53 pm
I only listen to people who have truly sacrificed time to make this talk, and for that I respect this talk.
All Right
July 7, 2020 at 5:07 pm
TED Lucy Hole:
1. suffering is a part of life.
2. focus on things that you can change. tune into what’s good in your world.
3. is what I’m doing helping or harming me?
All Right
July 7, 2020 at 5:08 pm
thank you, Lucy!
मयंक . Mayank
July 7, 2020 at 5:09 pm
Words can’t describe how great the talk was.
Ebby C
July 7, 2020 at 6:05 pm
I cannot imagine the pain she’s endured and I pray that if/when the same happens to me I will be able to show the same resilience.
Tafadzwa Bwakura
July 7, 2020 at 7:28 pm
Great talk
Kokosnuss
July 7, 2020 at 7:44 pm
Thank you.
Avi David
July 7, 2020 at 8:35 pm
This talk should be mandatory in all safe spaces. Time to stop playing the victim. We all are it just depends on how you phrase the question. Time to stop coddling our children so they can learn resiliency by naturally exploring and testing their limitations. If we don’t let our children fail we are setting them up for failure in the face of formidable threats.
Carolyn Grace
July 7, 2020 at 8:43 pm
Wonderful! Thanks so much for sharing.
Adrian B
July 7, 2020 at 9:00 pm
It was helping us all to watch this video. We can Be grateful for that. Stay strong guys , as this beautiful lady is doing
Sophie Panini
July 7, 2020 at 9:19 pm
You can rise up from adversity, strategies to help you navigate tough times.
1. Resilient people know suffering is part of life, adversity doesn’t discriminate
2. Resilient people are good at choosing carefully where they select their attention, they manage to focus on the things that they can change, and accept the things that they can’t.
3. Resilient people always ask themselves “Is what I am doing helping or harming me?”. If it’s harming you, always remember to be kind to yourself.
Andres Mata
July 7, 2020 at 9:32 pm
Give credit please to Dr Kubler Ross for the five stages of grieving and dying !
2020 vision
July 7, 2020 at 11:12 pm
Number 3 🙏🏽 I needed that.
rrron
July 7, 2020 at 11:34 pm
10 secrets resilient people don’t want you to know. Zzzz…
Sarah Kinnaird
July 8, 2020 at 12:12 am
Wow. The fact that she is standing there doing that talk is proof enough that it’s possible. What an incredible response to an unimaginable sadness. I take my hat off to you Lucy Hone.
Wendy Pennell
July 8, 2020 at 12:44 am
Being alive is dangerous
Kelly Kim
July 8, 2020 at 12:48 am
Brave woman
Dave McKay
July 8, 2020 at 1:16 am
I’m surprised there’s still people out there who can actually put together a coherent sentence, rn.
Lawrence Chung
July 8, 2020 at 11:14 am
A comment for adding up to the 3rd strategy: questioning if what you’re doing is good or harming you, requires a lot of self-love to do, and the ability to even ask that question in the beginning, requires you to prioritise yourself over anyone else, in this case, Lucy needs to care more about herself than her daugther. I personally have never gone through family pain lost yet, but I believe this is one of the hardest part for her to overcome before she can actually achieve questioning herself this
Star Light
July 8, 2020 at 11:36 am
TY. Useful for a lifetime. ” Lean into these strategies “
Akhand Bharth
July 8, 2020 at 11:48 am
Asa hi sabh ki bari aygi
Leah Blescila Labastilla
July 8, 2020 at 12:09 pm
This is a very helpful talk. Basically, resilience is a choice. It is our choice to move on or not. So, let’s choose to help ourselves, to love ourselves and become the strong person we were created to be.
Ravone Griffith
July 8, 2020 at 12:11 pm
This is the video we needed!
Unfiltered Reality
July 8, 2020 at 12:29 pm
Orange man bad?
Sudeep Kamath
July 8, 2020 at 12:49 pm
A wonderful one!
Dominique The easy minimalist
July 8, 2020 at 1:04 pm
Wow…
Martin Fischer
July 8, 2020 at 1:58 pm
Super 👍
John Adam Robert Hughes
July 8, 2020 at 2:24 pm
I know this is a repeat- but this really is one of the best talks ever given. so much to learn from it.
ifty
July 8, 2020 at 2:47 pm
suffering isn’t optional, it’s part of our lives. The sooner we accept this, the better off we will be
Monikar
July 8, 2020 at 3:07 pm
Very powerful! Thank you <3
Enzo Caputo de Vos
July 8, 2020 at 3:45 pm
thanks to You too
M DV
July 8, 2020 at 4:14 pm
christchurch
hmmmmmm . . . #1 – Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.
Praying to ‘Jesus Christ’ is disobeying the First Commandment! REPENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BANKO007
July 8, 2020 at 5:51 pm
Wow, this is something US college students need to hear.
Shoriful Haque
July 8, 2020 at 6:08 pm
stoicism?
EgoLTR
July 8, 2020 at 6:50 pm
The audio engineer could’ve put a bit more effort into suppressing these plosives. Shame that such a great talk was recorded so poorly
Maxima Horo
July 8, 2020 at 8:13 pm
Remarkable episode. Very rewarding, in terms of perspective. Thank you. God Bless you. Full power to you.
David Kam
July 8, 2020 at 9:26 pm
Will the real slim shady……..
Rachel Harris
July 8, 2020 at 9:30 pm
Been through huge amount of trauma this great since January and feel God teaching me similar things. He is my hope. This must have been hard for you so thank you for sharing. Very kind of you to try and help others. Praying for you.
Cyndy
July 8, 2020 at 9:53 pm
Dear Lucy, THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS 🙏 Your daughter has such a great mission: Speak through yourself, through your strength and through your love for life. Your daughter and the girls, will always be alive in all we have heard you on this video. Thank you so much for your knowledge and for sharing with us such a wonderful statement of gratitude for life. I send you a big hug and all the blessings for you and your family 🙏☀️🍀💓🌟✨
frankbraker
July 8, 2020 at 10:26 pm
Skip to 7:00.
Chris
July 9, 2020 at 12:11 am
resilience is a false category that often leads to false ideas about mental health and even cause harm.
we should not study mental health with a constant overarching premise to come away with generic fixes. rather just study mental health in earnest, dropping the grossly false Freudian pseudo-psychology.
Ali Qazilbash
July 9, 2020 at 12:38 am
what is resilience? merely the ability to resist failure
however, the struggle was no struggle at all, Hot-rolled gangsters in uniform, then dunked them in a bucket, Jominy-Quench style!
#MaterialScience #FTW! 🗼
Ali Qazilbash
July 9, 2020 at 1:14 am
well i have cussed alot at my institutions but i didnt abandon them. Nor did i go out and raise a competiting faction against any of them as to make it a competition, and take advantage of the impersonal aspect of competition in society. Rather, for each of their transgressions, i wisely tore them a new one… all day, every day… otherwise, being excessively tolerant in such matters would deserve a traitor’s death!
i did good, yes i did 🗼💖
Benita Johnson
July 9, 2020 at 12:44 am
It’s really correct time for me to see this talk, hope I already have the first two things and going to workout on third one, is what I’m doing helping or harming me?..
Reena Booth
July 9, 2020 at 3:55 am
Thank you for spreading these very useful tools. And thank you for sharing your story to all of us strangers.
Luan Vickers
July 9, 2020 at 6:36 am
Absolutely amazing and really practical in helping some really dark issues x
Johann D'oh
July 9, 2020 at 7:13 am
Think it’s fantastic how Lucy is presenting this on a format digestible for everyone. I just find it funny how western psycology is taking ancient Buddhist teachings and rebranding them without acknowledging that these teachings stem from Buddhist practice. It’s kind of like buying a cake from a store for someone’s birthday and saying you baked it for them. Am I the only one here that agrees or am I way off base?
manfred schmalbach
July 9, 2020 at 7:21 am
Always look on the bright side of life! (… without denying the dark sides, ever.)
Sherjeel Hasan
July 9, 2020 at 9:34 am
She lost her 12-year-old daughter but she is brave enough to be resilient. Exemplary!
Dave Ridlespriger 2
July 9, 2020 at 9:38 am
Cheated to death
antand97
July 9, 2020 at 10:09 am
Thank you, really. Sometimes the right words at the right time are a lifesaving.
OGHUVWU BLESSING
July 9, 2020 at 10:29 am
Psalms 37 Vs 1: Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong;
vic64583
July 9, 2020 at 12:39 pm
Beautiful video.
Please also read “Man’s searching for meaning ” by Viktor Frankl.
Khalid Safir
July 9, 2020 at 1:37 pm
This video reminds me how we are re learning basic principles taught in religion over the millennia. Just one of the many things the talk reminded me of was “Your self has a right upon you” (Prophet Muhammad) – which is a way of saying, be kind to yourself, with the additional meaning that you are a person like anyone else and we all deserve kindness. I get why people have left a lot of spiritual teachings, one of the many reasons being that those teachings have been mixed up with all sorts of mythology, very different from the original teachings of that religion – Santa clause etc.
Jihong Xu
July 9, 2020 at 2:48 pm
Mentally fit is more important 👍
Hazel
July 9, 2020 at 4:07 pm
Wow ❤
amir sheikhlo
July 9, 2020 at 4:57 pm
Great
Munawar Sultan
July 9, 2020 at 7:28 pm
wonderful lecture.balance and succinct.so beautifully delivered.
Tanya Dreschel
July 9, 2020 at 8:17 pm
Thank you
Ali Qazilbash
July 9, 2020 at 9:26 pm
its devastating to hear of your irreplaceable loss. I cannot imagine what you must have been through. 🤧
Sophie Blooming
July 9, 2020 at 10:22 pm
“It’s possible to live and grieve at the same time.” Powerful message
Hodan Bille
July 9, 2020 at 11:02 pm
She looks so beautiful and cute!! Unbelievable!!!
Shawnelle Martineaux
July 16, 2020 at 2:11 pm
I’m predisposed to theae habits of resilience. This video really helped me to understand myself better. I’ve had a bit of a run and it’s only been 25 years so far. I’ve managed to fight my dragons over and over. Thanks for this.
Blesse 59
July 16, 2020 at 5:51 pm
👍👍👍
Sohail Ahmed
July 17, 2020 at 3:34 am
Beautiful Lucy
Juan Carlos Da Silva
July 17, 2020 at 8:19 am
Survivorship bias all over the place.
Doreen Pretorius
July 17, 2020 at 9:41 am
Needed this today 🙏
Ian W
July 17, 2020 at 5:03 pm
Thank you so much for sharing these, that’s really helpful.
wknight108
July 17, 2020 at 7:01 pm
Powerful message, listen!
Dupa Essex
July 18, 2020 at 1:45 am
This woman is 100% narcissist…!!! Zero feelings, zero emotions… no wonder narcissist thrive in a cruel world.
Jody Johnsen
July 18, 2020 at 1:38 pm
I would add a bonus technique; it is possible to tell yourself a story about your loved one that releases you from grief knowing it’s just a story. Mine was that my beloved aunt was leaving on a fun filled cruise and just needed me to wish her well so she could have fun. When a child died I told myself she was an angel whom we had fur 10 whole years but now has other work to do. (I’m an atheist. This was not a religious tool, just a coping technique.)
I knew this was a mechanism to relieve grieving but it allowed my exhausted mind a break. I used those breaks to rest and internalize the first three techniques above. These things saved me when nothing else did.
Bibiana Escobar
July 19, 2020 at 1:45 am
I truly needed this now. Thank you
Anindita Sinha Banerjee
July 19, 2020 at 3:38 am
Wonderful talk !
vijay yejare
July 19, 2020 at 3:27 pm
I will use the 3rd thing .Is it helping me or harming me! Its a very impactful and informative talk.
Junior Y
July 19, 2020 at 8:07 pm
We need Jesus, and the answer come with.
OGHUVWU BLESSING
July 21, 2020 at 12:57 am
Psalm 66 Vs 18:
If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened
WMA
July 21, 2020 at 8:01 am
My heart goes out to the speaker for her most heartbreaking loss.
However, the rest is BS. Unless resilience is simply staying alive, pain dulls but the effects last forever. My ability to deal with things reduces every year and I’m now in my late 40s and am now unable to cope with any disappointments in life without breaking down.
Himanshi Sharma
July 21, 2020 at 3:45 pm
Ikigai❤
Tejas Rao
July 22, 2020 at 8:48 pm
Salute you Lucy Hone. I am right in middle of an unwanted crisis and your talk has inspired me to keep my focus on 3 strategies you spoke on. God bless you.
Matilde Hutten Czapski
July 22, 2020 at 10:44 pm
LOVE HER
Jay Pritchett
July 22, 2020 at 11:41 pm
Resilience = realism, but as many of my close friends have said to me “it’s easier said than done”. I’ve learn to let people suffer when they want to. Suffering is as beautiful a part of life as blissfulness. Just another experience that you get to experience now and won’t be able to after you die. Enjoy it all 😊
Marilyn Barker
July 26, 2020 at 5:16 am
One of the best Ted talks.
Vaughn Kelly
July 26, 2020 at 6:43 pm
Be kind to yourself.
Jinai Hou
July 29, 2020 at 12:03 am
I see sadness when she just started……. it’s powerful talk, thanks
柳岑焉
July 31, 2020 at 5:04 pm
一定是秦紂心理傳入美了，騙術很多，哪萊茜很霝感也在美國発瘋了，好嗎，，，??。
Moses Ngatiah
July 31, 2020 at 5:37 pm
One day I prayed that the Lord takes away the grieve in my heart and he did.It was like a sudden end of severe heart burn. I laughed, I forgave and now I run to Jesus .
mae cay
August 2, 2020 at 3:06 pm
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’ve learn a lot from you. Thank you! 😊
Jeremy Greer
August 9, 2020 at 4:03 am
Stand up if you’ve had an abortion